A quick update from Singapore

So how long as it been since my last entry?
I didnt even check...but definitely a long time since my last.
I am finally back home.
The dread of returning to a place I call home but sometimes dont really feel like it is has passed and I have settled down here much better than expected (albeit going to be here for only 2+ weeks).

So what has happened since my return (will avoid the nonsense I was up to back in Brissy for now)?
Makan, Xmas Mass, Makan, Meet old friends, Makan, Got caught in the rain, Makan, Meet new friends, Makan, Lost my Voice, Makan, Went to KTV with no voice.
That kinda sums up everything for now.
And YES, I lost my voice. Can you imagine the agony of not being able to sing at a KTV? Hahaha...but it was great fun just watching the gang sing and having fun.

It's late, I need sleep so that I can continue tomrw.
Will update with more details soon.
And perhaps blog about the Xmas party we had back in Brissy.
Till then...


Team Singapore Out

Team Singapore is out of the Amazing Race.


Driven up the wall

The newest MrBrownShow podcast is driving me nuts.
25 classic TV theme songs and you have to name them.
I confirmed 12 of them only...ARGH
13 more to go...


My Life based on the Day I was born

Your Birthdate: July 13

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.
However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.
Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

The Edge of Reason (NOT!)

Just after a chat with Gav about this blog location, that the only thing it doesn't have as compared to wordpress or lah.cc is that it doesnt have a Comments RSS feed.
Then lo and behold, I found it...just needed to know where to look.
Now there truly is no reason for me to shift the location of this blog.


A Truly Amazing Race

I never totally accepted myself for being too big a softie usually but this morning it was kinda evident. Especially after tearing up when I finished watching latest Amazing Race Asia episode and Team Singapore was still in the race cos another team breached a rule and was set back an hour. Just watching the emotion on the screen was enough to make me tear up.
I mean...while most guys would be like "Eh. Watever." I was here tearing up like a girl. Perhaps I am a girl trapped in a guy's body.
I am not ashamed or anything...just very interesting to note.


I am surprised how refreshed I am this morning, especially since the late night I had yesterday becos Joel got himself a Nintendo Wii and we were having a ball of a time testing the console out. It was cool!!! I am sooooo tempted to get myself one already la! :P

But before that, we had a great time at a BBQ organised by Sherry for her friend Christine (I hope I got her name correct :P). And cos I said that I would:

"The Japanese killed my people"

Inside joke...dont bother reading into it...LOL


It was apparent now that unless I say something to somebody, its probably impossible for anyone to know how I am feeling at any particular moment. I know this sounds very DUH but dont you ever wish people just know how you are feeling and would say the right words to you?
Stupid thought I guess.

To sum it up, I kinda identified the source of my depressive state after watching something similar on tele (who says TV rots your mind).
Not going to write it out here (kinda too mushy and stupid) but it didnt make things better. All this time I thought that if I could find the real source of the problem, I can just solve it and perhaps begin to get better. But what if it is something you cant do anything about? What if it is beyond your abilities and you know that it can never be solved.

While chatting with Nadia last night, she brought up something that is similar to my problem. Very similar actually.


Why give somebody a taste of true happiness and then take it away?

Why so indeed?



I have always know MS to be bastards at best when it comes to the license agreements for the use their Operating System but this is ridiculous.

Read the article at:


Finally On my Laptop

Finally got it up and running.
Even got the wireless in the living room working.
Now all that's left is to test the connection from the bedrooms.
But till then...YAY!!!

The Christmas Condition

Less than 3 weeks to Christmas, less than 3 weeks before I return home, less than 3 weeks before my holiday starts.
All things I SHOULD be excited about.
I mean...
I get to see my family which I havent seen in almost a year.
I get to spend time with old friends whom I havent even had a chance to have a proper chat with in almost a year.
I get to meet people I have met and chatted with over the past couple of months and have never met before.
I get to return home and see the changes time has brought along with the trip.
I get to do some shopping and actually get bargains (ok...not THAT big a deal on this one)

So why am I not psyched about it???


Even getting my new laptop yesterday wasnt that big a deal. I opened up the package, played with the toy a bit, then left it in a corner while I slept the rest of the day away. WTF is wrong with me? The me I know would be psyched about all these things and be busy packing and planning my 2 weeks back home. He'll also be installing all the software on the laptop and customising it to be the best machine on the block.
So what is wrong?
I wish I know.

I really do.


This is so different from the person I used to know in myself.
That person was the one who directed a Christmas Play back in JC that preached Hope and Optimism.
That person believed that anything is possible, that the possibilities in this world are limitless.
That person loved everyone around him. Nobody was not worth his time and care.
That person smiled everyday. Everything around him amused and cheered him up.
That person never truely felt alone.
Where is he now?


Lord in Heaven
There is no season in the year
that brings hope of renewal and rebirth more than Christmas
I pray for a new start
For myself this year
Let the person who was - be here again
Let him bring smiles to other with his own
And let him be a beacon of light to all around him
Make him an instrument of yours
Allow him to feel Love again
To do your work
To let his Heart & Soul live again


Season of the Cancer crab

You are born in Vedic Moon Sign

According to Vedic Astrology Classic:
You will be very sensitive, very emotional, imaginative, flexible and will be hard from outside but gentle inside. You will be faithful to his dear ones and elders and will be loyal to his duties. You will be interested in singing and will be happy in listening to music. His mind may be unstable but You will be endowed with intuitive powers. You will have a loving relationship with his family especially with his mother. You will be fearful of being insulted. Sometimes You will be very strict and at times You will be very vulnerable. You will be fond of eating sweets. You will be fond of travelling and inspite of being patriotic, You will be interested in travelling abroad. You will appear to be open-hearted and outspoken but actually You will hide a lot of things. Some of his main drawbacks will be impatience,flexibility, oversensitivity and indolence and short-tempered.

found this at http://www.vedicastro.com/moon.asp


Creep - Radiohead

When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,

but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.


Damien WON!!!!!!

Damien won Australian Idol 2006!!!!
The guy I featured a few weeks back WON!!!!
Every week since then he has outperformed my expectations and got better and better.
It really does show that nothing is fixed in this world.
Jessica who looked the prime contestant to win didnt and this person whom we coined 'Auntie Killer' won!
Miracles do happen...as long as we believe they might.
Damien did I guess...and all his supporters as well...
Ah...what a night to remember.


Something fun to lighten up your day

In the spirit of sharing (as pointed out by Gav)...have fun



Another Farnie Video

Not new but I found it only recently.

Siiiigh....Nice Song

Stumbled upon TK's Blog and found this song on one of his entries.


The Great Sago Saga II

Heh...like all things...there are sequels and tonight...it was no different.
Finally went to buy HONEYDEW...lol.
And so I attempted the sago another time.
Fortunately...Lindz invited the gang over for dinner so I got my controlled test group.
Made everything again, making changes to the original recipe based on feedback from last night.
The reviews were good but even that didnt really made me satisfied with it. There was something missing.
You might laugh at this but I think it is missing love.
Up till now, the process is very mechanical. Making sure I added enough of this or left that in the heat to a very strict amount of time...etc etc.
But there wasnt anyone in mind when I made the dessert.
Dont get me wrong...I knew I was making it for my best friends and family...but it is a different type of love.
It is missing passion.

Prepped and Ready to serve

Finally...HONEYDEW Sago

So when I return home, perhaps the recipe will be perfected. All I can hope is to find the final ingredient.

*PS: I need a kitchen as well...any volunteers?*

The Great Sago Saga

So here I am on a Saturday night having absolutely nothing to do...so what did I come up with? Make Honeydew Sago...ah...but a problem was at hand indeed...instead of Honeydew, I idiotically bought Rock Melon instead. So what became of the finished product was Rock Melon Sago instead...and the reviews are quite ok...hehehehe.

Started this afternoon actually...with lunch at Mervyn's and then a sudden thought to make the sago tonight...so Jeff drove me down to the local asian grocer and we bought the stuff needed to make the magical concoction for the night.

First, I had to cook the sago...which turned out pretty alright actually...kinda proud of myself for a first attempt.

Saga ala bowl
Picture of Sago in a bowl

Next, the Rock Melon was cut up into small pieces.

Chopped Rock Melon
Picture of chopped Rock Melon in a bowl

After that, the coconut "soup" was made with coconut milk, sugar, salt, and a few pieces of rock melon boiled together until they became this elixer. (too bad couldn't find pandan leaves...else even more solid)

Coconut "Soup"
Picture of coconut soup

So with all three components made and ready...all that was needed to complete the night were people to come and be my guinea pigs. (hehehehe)

Picture of the 3 components

Nadia, Mervyn, Jeff, Justin came down to have a try. Mervyn felt it needed to be colder (sadly there was not enough time for the thing to be chilled in the fridge) and sweeter (Nadia liked it the way it was though). I was pretty happy with the results...heheh.


And for those of you who missed it...here's how the finished product looked like.

Rock Melon Sago 1

Rock Melon Sago 2

Rock Melon Sago 3

Want some? (evil grin)


A Social Divide

I usually dont agree with what most Singaporean politicians have to say but this one actually does go in line with what I personally believe.

Source: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/240301/1/.html

It basically mentioned the growing social divide within the Singaporean community back home. Where the smart and the successful are given different priorities and privileges as compared to the rest of the nation. How special attention and (almost complete) ego-boosting is given to this "Elite" group in Singapore. I know...I was one of them once.

My personal experiences is when I was in Junior College in Singapore and it was started off with a simple speech that included the line "You are the top 20% of Singapore". It didnt mean much to me at that time but thinking back, we were almost brainwashed into thinking that it was actually true. How wrong was that system? Segregating the youth of the nation into categories such as the Streaming system we used to have and now the "Band" system. Isnt it just another means to seperate the "bad" seeds away from the "good" ones?

This doesnt just stop in the education system of course. Recently, after chatting with a few other Singaporeans over here, I learnt that Singapore was beginning to welcome back Singaporeans who have been overseas for a long time. Ah! But what conditions were attached to this "welcome"? I wondered indeed. I cannot confirm this as yet (and I will attempt to resolve this lack of real info in the near future), but I was led to believe that only the "Elite" and "Talented" are welcomed back. Now isnt that a blatant double standard? If that is true, then it goes against everything I believe. In equal opportunity. If you truly want to welcome people back, it should be open to anyone who wants to...not just selected individuals. They might as well send them personalised letters of invitation and not tell the rest of the world.

It really sucks to be in a world where people give double/triple/multiple standards to different groups. It is a daily struggle even for me but I am more conscious of it these days.

Even something as small as subsidies for student events. Recently, we went down to Canberra for the Singapore Community Day. There was this huge problem with funding in respect for students (sadly I am no longer a student). The system in place now works on giving a fixed amount of subsidy to each student irregardless of where they are. So student from Sydney is given the same amount as one from Brisbane. Now...it seems to make sense until you actually calculate the costs for each individual student. $30 for someone from Sydney can equate to the whole busfare but to someone from Brisbane, it is only perhaps a small fraction of the busfare. Does it make sense?

My idea is (albeit different views from some of the other people in Brisbane) that every student should only need to pay as much as the next student in another state. It makes sense to me. Perhaps it shouldnt just be on the shoulders of the High Commisioner's Office to fund it all but instead work with the local organisations within that state to raise funds for the trip. But in the end, every student should be paying the same amount for the trip to a NATIONAL community event. And with recent changes (still pending) to the plans, if the annual Community day will be moved from state to state, then everyone will have a fair share of having to make the extra effort to raise funds. As long as people are willing to help each other out (a practice lacking in MANY Singaporeans), things do work out.

Just a few tweaks here and there might eleviate the problem of social divides in most countries. I once heard this somewhere and perhaps you'll agree. "If you dont want your people to revolt and rebel, provide them with food, water, shelter. As long as they are not hungry, thristy and have a place to live comfortably, they will not be resentful." (para-phrased of course). What do you think?


Mercury in the Sunlit day

Get your real time information about Mercury's Transit in front of the Sun @

Hidden in the axis fire
A small voice among many stars
Jupiter's gravity it quietly aspires
To burn in the Sun's glory
Actually it is not very far
Stealing the show every many years
The oldest son, that all the others fear
Quietly passing across the blinding sky
Mercury was its name
To see him, just look up high

© gunmetal:red aka nuttytentacle 2006


damien for the win?

well...basically I am supporting this guy for this year's Australian Idol.
he is good...although...like all the idols here...he might get 2nd place but will outsell the first
judge it for yourself

Song 1

Song 2


a call for ideas

well...ardent readers...I need ideas on what to put up on my podcast.
got some ideas from nadia but I still need more input.
this is an official call for ideas to what you might want to hear.
comon people...let the ideas floooooow

a monster is born?

this taste of podcastism is going insane...
(after talk to nadia abt it)
ideas flooding in...so many possibilities....mwahahahaha
but....can it last?

p.s.: I still shiver at hearing my own voice


My first Podcast

My first ever Podcast entry people....
check it out

powered by ODEO

Jungle Fevaaaaa

check this out


a sunny disposition

as I brought up my hand to block the glaring sunlight from the FIERY hot sun today, the many thoughts of what I intend to do continued to flood the gates of my mind.
and I havent stopped since I came back after collecting the cake for Uncle Martin's bday later and picking up a gift on the way while buying lunch for my sis. amazing how I could get so many things done in one trip out into the city.

as usual, I was spacing out during mass again. aside from asking for direction from God, blurred memories came back in waves that kept me from concentrating. but one thing did stick while all that commotion was going thru in my head...the priest's sermon about the different 'rooms' we are present in everyday. a room for spiritual stuff, another for emotional, and another for day to day stuff and so on. so which room am I in now? I dont know.

came home and read Gav's blog and I, perhaps finally, realised something about life(well...more about myself). I am and never will be anyone else except myself. sounds weird? cant blame ya. the thought is weird to me as well. but to put it simply, I am who I am. I can never be a verbal joust or a great conversationist. I am not one to talk nonstop nor can I ever be aggressive. so who am I? WHAT am I?
here's what I came up with:

I am a peace maker. no matter the situation, I'll always be the one who tries to stand on the line of reason and try to resolve the problem.

I am a nerd. there might not be lots of data on world history or politics in my head but things I love, science fiction, fantasy, astronomy, computers, games, etc, I have extensive knowledge of and I am proud of it. I can hold up my end of any argument cos I know my stuff but I'll usually back down because of who I am as mentioned above.

I am an optimist and an encourager. ok ok...even though I complain and bitch about how my life is shite and all that, I truely believe in the good of all things. that everything can be seen in a good light, and that is how I like to be to others, to help them and be their beacon of light if they need one.

I love to be loved. who doesn't? that's why I surround myself with people whom I love. people whom I am trust. people who probably loves me back for who I am, without judgement.

I am lazy. lol...hey...not everything can be good. I can be lazy as well...look at the condition of my room. I should have cleared it up ages ago but it is still as cluttered as ever.

I am a dreamer. I still dream of being happy for the rest of my life. find someone who loves me and in turn I love back just as much. have my 3 daughters(according to some fortune teller), maybe a pet sometime down the road. earn enough to support my family and give them all a good life. be a great husband as well as a great father.

and finally (for now)
I am a lover. I love everyone and everything. well...I try to be. I cant bring myself to hate anything or anyone. believe me...I tried. especially the ones that hurt me really hard before...but it doesnt work. if I loved you before...it aint gonna change ever. this applies to everyone of course...family...friends, even 'girlfriends'.

so there...'ME' summed up as well as I could now. there are other parts that I cannot recall or think of but I am sure they are there and some of you out there will know what they are.


How some of us view the world

HAHAHAHA....got this from my sis.
Click Here

Wah lau!!!

Anyways...remember to read the article about the Bone Marrow Drive ok!
Go support if you can and perhaps help someone out in the future.


lost in thought while being 'stung'

here I am again. lost in thought and turmoil. all the while listening to Sting.
his music (followed up with Michael Buble) is especially good for meditation and reflection...believe me.

its days like this that make me wonder what I am doing with my life.

(in the background) *when we dance*

- should I stay in Brisbane?
- go home to Singapore?
- go to another state in Oz?
- go to another country and 'start over'?
- stay in IT or change profession?
- go back to Uni?

My choices are open to me...but which is my best course?
Where lies my destiny?
What do the Fates intend for me?
What has God intended for me?

*and as we walk in fields of gold*

And what am I supposed to do with this body?
I wake up to pain every morning and I go to bed with relief every night from its terrible clutches.
I mean...imagine every waking moment in your life is accompanied by some pain in some part of your body.
knee...back...neck...head...deck(LOL...private joke)
will technology progress fast enough for a cure to obesity and pain?
LOL...riiiight...it is all my responsibility you say?
TRY IT!!! but you cant, can you? try living as an overweight person for a day.
you'll soon understand.
the fact that I am mostly a calm person and not lashing out at everyone around me sometime amazes myself.
I am bitter and in pain.

*come fly with me*

not just physical pain. I am in pain inside as well.
years of emotional self abuse finally has caught up with me.
I never used to be so unhappy with life. everyday was just another day. no worries, no problems, no sadness. I was the type of person who didnt think much about the things that happen to me. I smiled most of the time. (ask anyone who knew me in pri, sec and JC).
what happened to that person...I miss that person.
and perhaps...everyone misses that person.
but the person you see now is no longer that jolly fat man...just a shadow of that once happy, smiling fat boy.

*I can only give you love that lasts forever*

I am trying though...trying to get past all this pain, this disappointment.
perhaps even learn how to be happy again. or should I wait for something to hit me hard enough on the head to forget everything for the past 2-3 years?
haha...this isnt a movie...this is life...and although life is weirder than in the movies...it aint gonna happen to me...I know it...I feel it. my life isnt destined to be material for a movie.

so here we are again...wondering what to do...nothing new. going on with life like a zombie. living day by day without anything to live for. maybe tt's wat I need...something to live for.
if there ever was/IS a reason for me to still be wasting the air in the world...please let me find it soon...real soon...

*how fragile we are*


a call for help and charity

like in the past...helping someone is important.
Hope you can give a little of your time and perhaps even more.

Please go to http://jaywalk.blog-city.com/ and read the entries Titled "A Gift of Life"

If you are able to, please go down on Sunday to see if you can help out.
Pass on the message and perhaps help make this world a better place.


An Uneasy Feeling

An Uneasy Feeling
an unknown feeling grips me
a deep strangle on my inside
if only I could look in and see
what it really is that causes me unease
something is about to happen
I can feel it in my gut
my stomach is bent and twisted
my throats feels like it has been cut
I wonder with uneasing tension
about unknown days to come
will we survive the incoming storm
or am I just being paranoid?
about the things to come
please soothe this terrible feeling
take it all from me
or at least let me understand
a future made by the powers that be


Missing You

Missing You
my heart pulsed, a pain returns
beneath the starlit heavens
looking up into forever
lying on the grass wishing you were here
words born from songs filled my mind
thoughts from heaven filled my soul
a longing...painfully etched in
knowing nothing is all i seek
my heart was yours before we met
everything i have is yours to keep
but there you left me alone
to face this world by myself
waiting for your call
i lie here
missing your voice
your embrace
your touch
your kiss
and here will i lie
till the day we meet



I am shifting into overdrive. Emotionally.
WTF is wrong with me?
Am I that easily affected?
All I did was watch "How I Met Your Mother"...and I kena again.
True that it made me remember all the nonsense I needed to leave behind.
How stupid I was...how naive I was.
I am damaged.
Perhaps I need a councellor...
Perhaps I need water...
Perhaps I need little pills...


the day a CRACK brought down a city

I am a little annoyed. Being stuck in a traffic jam this morning was not my cup of tea. And last night was twice as bad just to get home.
Lets start with about 3-4 weeks ago when the Rivercity Expressway was shut down for maintenance works. It had cause serious problems for traffic and luckily for myself, I wasnt injured yet and it didnt bother me that much.

Jump to the present; yesterday, maintenance crews found even more defects/cracks in the expressway's structure. This was only found AFTER they tested the problems they were attempting to fix 4 weeks back. Traffic was almost at a standstill yesterday evening. UGH...and I was like...WTF?!?!?!

Think about it.
A crack LITERALLY brought down Brisbane city.
Brisbane city: the 3rd largest city in Australia...


A Basic Gambit

just got back from lunch.
Mmmm...nice medium-rare beef rib eye from the Customs House Restuarant in the city. Best thing...company lunch...lol.
Havent had a good lunch since who knows when...so that was definitely an occasion.
The steak was accompanied by a light sauce, of which I have no idea what it was made of. But it had a hint of 'heat' in it, which Lindsay suggested might be paprika...who knows. But it resembles how some conversations go doesnt it?

Just last night. An old friend from JC dropped me a message on msn. It was good to hear from her. But she was in another place of course...a happy place.
And she wasnt gonna keep it a secret lo.

She's getting married in December and is all excited and elated about it. I mean...even with horrible students and loads of papers to mark (she's a teacher), she is still happy. HAHAHA. But it did raise suspicion that she msged just to tell me that lo.

In case you start thinking that I am annoyed with it, I aint. I love hearing good news like this. People getting married with someone they truely love always brings a joy within me to hear. It gives me hope that perhaps one day I might have the same in my life.

BUUUT....just like when Weixin told me Wendy said yes to him, it also causes that void in my chest to rumble and I feel a pain there again. I dont like feeling this way. But such is life and I gotta live with it(?). For now, I'll focus on the good news and pray for the loving couple.


Wicked Game

I heard this last night on Idol and I cried..(YES! I cried...so? heh...it takes a real man to admit that)
It kinda really does reflect...well...me...now that is.
So I'd like to share this with you.

"Wicked Game"

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I knew somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. With you.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you no,

No, I want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I...
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

new shout box

sigh...realised over the weekend that tag-board is down.
checked the site over and over but i think the whole operation is gone.
that means a few other people i know have thei tag boards down as well.
i gave up and started with Tagboardsite.com instead.
At least it works...heh

Will update soon!


Canberra: A Trip in Review

I know I was supposed to get this done last night but I was too tired and continued sleeping like a lazy pig.
Well...I have finally gotten the photos up and online but realised that there are so many things I forgot to photograph in the midst of all the rushed chaos.
Oh well...

The logs of the trip can be found at:
The Roadtrip Log (Sat 0930hrs - 2257hrs)
The Roadtrip Log (Sun 0400hrs - Mon 0700hrs)

And the photos can be found at:
Canberra Roadtrip Day 1
Canberra Roadtrip Day 2
Canberra Roadtrip Day 3

Anyways...the trip.
All in all, I loved the trip. I had fun. At some times, I wanted to strangle something. And others, I wanted to just hide in a corner and cry. It was refreshing.

This will be short because it is late and I want to get to bed. But basically...the roadtrip was good. The event in Canberra was bad. We realised that the new guards over at Canberra didnt really bother about the students much anymore. Their aims might have changed, but I am just speculating. The old guards were nicer. And they remembered us from last year. As far as they see it, QLD has made the effort every year. Last year we went down in force and performed for them. This year, a small group of us drove down despite the lack of any support. With that, I felt proud to be involved.

Since I am still recovering from the trip, more sleep is needed...badly.
So...here's me...signing off


writing from the office...sleepy and tired

hello everybody.
I am soooo sleepy my eyes are hardly open already.
there is no expression on my face except the droopy eyes that I have on now.
we arrived back in the city at around 6? and after dropping off luggage and the various homes, I hitched a ride to work and arrived at 7.30am in the morning. NOBODY is ever here in the office that early and I was alone.
Took my time to set up my desk...collect my thoughts and work on something I had on my mind during the trip.
Here it is:

Joker card with Arrow piercing it

dont understand?...its ok. supposed to be kinda abstract....representing my life as a whole. :)

anyways...will complete the road trip journal tonight perhaps, or when I finally can upload all the pics and link them online. So until then, continue reading.

Thank you for those of you who had us on your minds, hearts, and prayers. We are all fine and good, although a little tired and sleepy.

The Roadtrip Log (Sun 0400hrs - Mon 0700hrs)

TRIVIA: This is my 100th post and it started NOT in Brisbane!!!!

Sunday 4.00am
Outskirts of Canberra
We have arrived!
Canberra finally. And the first thing we all said when we got out of the car? "COLD!!!!!" "WTF?!?!?!"
It was freezing.
It could have been -10 as far I know but I think it was more towards the 2-5 degrees mark.
Anyways...we checked in, went to the room, made as little noise as possible to the other 4 people in the room and...collapsed.

Sunday ~7.30am
YHA Canberra
Tooooo! Tooooo! TOOOOO!!!!!
The fire alarm is going off like this ear splitting thing!
The hostel manager actually came up to every room to get everyone downstairs, in our sleepwear. I looked ridiculous! Grey singlet, green shorts and black leather shoes without socks on. Oh Dear!
We found out later that the fire alarm we triggered by mistake by a kid...$#%#^#^@$%^#$%
Anyways...we rushed back to the room just so to fall asleep again almost immeditely.

Sunday 10.30am
Griffin Centre
After a terrible walk from the carpark, we finally got to the venue for the event. Should be interesting. Will update soon.
And what's this? A line? We gotta queue up to get in?
LOL...how Singaporean is that?
Oh no! Wait! It's only in the line to buy raffle tickets...well...10 for me please!

Sunday 5.14pm
Somewhere on the M7 bypass
What a day we had. Totally insane.
After arriving in Canberra around 4.30am last night, we promptly checked into the room at YHA and went to bed. But lo and behold, at 7 in the morning, the bloody fire alarm went off. UGH!!! WTF?!?!? I wanted to sleep!!!!
Ended up going to bed about 15 mins later after the firemen concluded that it was a false alarm. So @ around 9am, woke up, showered, packed, and we were on our way to the Makan Besar.

The event itself was ok la. Met a few people, had good food (perhaps sleep deprevation has affected my judgement). The other 4 guys all won prizes. Hahaha...I wasnt expecting anything for myself la. I never win anything for free ever anyways. :)
Lots of photos to be uploaded and definitely once I have a chance. Probably on Monday evening la.

So around 2pm, we left the Griffin Centre (the location of the Makan Besar) and drove down to the Australian Parliament House for photos and soveniors. And then, rushed back on the road to get home. We stopped about 1-2 hrs later @ a KFC for food, and now, we're back on the road. Jeff is driving, Alan is V-com. Anthony is having a huge rest at the back. So here we are again, singing along to old songs from our youth and talking about absolutely nonsensical things. But hey! we love it.

Sunday 11.30pm
Somewhere north of Sydney
So here I am again, seated in the front of the vehicle and Mervyn is the driver for this leg of the drive. Everyone else is seated at the back catching Zs.

Mervyn has been driving for the past 2 hours and I have been playing music on request and of course, some of my own personal favorites via the setup we have in the car. Had a long chat with Mervyn about life, love, and everything that came to our minds. It was a good chat. Brought back some really terrible memories for myself but it was good to have it voiced out. I can face them head on (sorta) like that.

I have to say at this point of the trip, I am feeling really tired already. The lack of sleep, the lack of movement, the lack of stimulation and stuck in cramped spaces with deakness all around on the outside has finally taken its toll on myself and I am sure, the rest of the group as well. But it was a good trip...and we'll soldier on for the final few hours that is left.

Monday 3.40am
"The Big Prawn" stopover
Ah! here we are at last. This is one place I was expecting to go past but not stop for this trip. It was the first place we had a stopover last year and also the last we had as well, minus the sidetrack stop at the beach. But I'd never thought we'd stop here....HERE of all places.

The guys went for a toilet break while I took a photo of the Prawn as well as munching on a Milo bar that I bought from the only store still open at this hour here. I almost teared up when it hit me that I am actually here. This place which made someone cry last year because of something left behind. This place which I met, for the first time despite being on the same bus, 2 girls from UQ who became good companions and chat buddies for the trip. This place which brought about a smile on her face when she finally got her stuff back from the helpful people at the counter.

Anyways...I digress. Alan was driving this final leg of the trip and Anthony was keeping him company. Mervyn and I were trying to rest at the back of the car with no success (well...for me anyways) because we had work in the morning. I was feeling so terrible that I actually contemplated calling in sick or take a day off.
Well...it was a thought afterall.

Monday 7.00am
Home (aka Rivercity Apartments)
Ah! Home. But no time to waste.
We dropped off Anthony at his hostel, dropped off Alan's stuff, dropped off Jeff's things and he moved to his car, dropped Mervyn and I off at Rivercity to unload our luggage.

Alan is not going to return the Tarago, Jeff will follow and then drive Alan and himself and Alan home to (presumably) rest and unpack.

Ugh...still too tired to think but I'll go with them to get to work since its on the way anyways. (the car hire place is in Newstead as well)

A common, rushed, and mad way to end a road trip but here's to a good trip to Canberra. Wished we had more time but that's it for now. So from exactly where the whole trip started off, here's me signing off for the last time in the log. WE MADE IT!!!

[end log]


a LIVE update from NSW

Hello everybody.
We are finally online and heading towards Canberra!!!
A little message from our motley crew:
Mervyn: nothing
Jeff: nothing
Anthony: "Damned shack ah!"
Alan: "12.50am and we are still alive!"

So lets see...a few more hours before we reach Canberra finally. There might not be anymore updates from now until Canberra or tomorrow morning. I wonder how siah, especially when the Dale probably won't be awake by the time we get to YHA Canberra. Where do we sleep? In the car? LOL!

Everyone is a little on edge already. Arguing over tolls and stuff. I think we are reaching our limits.

The next stop will see Mervyn taking over as driver and myself as V-Com.
Lets hope we make it in one piece.
Till next time (and I really wonder when this will be), here's me, signing off.

The Roadtrip Log (Sat 0930hrs - 2257hrs)

Sat 2.33pm
Along the road after Byron onto Canberra
Sitting in the backseat of the Tarago, watching the sights brush past the window, my eyes swell up with memories of this same trip one year ago.

I still remember the trip on the bus. Either falling asleep on the bus with someone I loved right beside me, or just chatting and making a ruckus with the others...it was fun. If only time somehow stopped there and we never moved onto now. It was, whether it was an illusion or not, the happiest time of my life. A sense of longing just tugs onto something deep and refuses to let go. A pain suddenly fills my insides like an explosion of emotion surging through my veins. Its so silly yet it is the only thing I can hold onto.

Everything is coming back to me now...and I am overwhelmed.

Sat 2.42pm
Along the road after Byron onto Canberra
Well....just over 5 hrs into the trip and here we are...driving down a somewhat empty road (Pacific Highway) somewhere in NSW, around Macintyre Lane and we just passed Shark Creek. We had stopped three times since then, once for a fuse for the inverter to power all our devices in the Tarago and gather 'supplies'. The 2nd time for breakfast at a Maccers and finally, for a toilet break at a Hungry Jacks.

Alan is trying to fix a power problem in the front and we just found out that his laptop is the problem.
HAHAHAHA....we just found out that he plugged the wrong plug into the power socket....GENIUS!!!!
Everyone seems to be in somewhat high spirits and we're listening to old, but nostalgic rock music (with a short bout of chinese rock) while singing along.

So lets see....310KM travelled....around 900 more to go. It might be a still be a long more to go, but we're enjoying ourselves immensely. Alan has given up on his laptop adaptor and has used mine to substitute. Well...till the next time I feel like writing more about the trip, hold onto your horses and check regularly.

Sat 5.20pm
Leaving Coffs Harbour
We are on the road out of Coffs Harbour back onto the highway. Just had an interesting dinner/lunch at the local shopping centre.

After we stopped in Coffs Harbour a while ago, there was no food outlet open except Gloria Jeans and that was definitely not a cost effective option. So what did we do? We went to Coles, bought 2 roast chickens and shared the 'spoils of war'. It was the best food we had today la.

Still have no access to the Internet yet so all the entries will have to be uploaded only later as a batch. Coffs Harbour was beautiful. But we didnt get to actually get to the beach or the seaside. But from the highway, it looks wonderful. Imagine living in a town/seaside cove that looks like the ones you see on the O.C., cool man.

We are now back on the road and back to the routine of singing and talking total cock. The sun is setting. Everyone is quiet suddenly. And according to Alan, our next landmark is Port Macquarie. So till then...or sometime before that...here's me signing off.

Sat 7.20pm
We are at a petrol station just after stopping at a Maccers for coffee and snacks. Arrangement in the Tarago now is:
Mervyn is in the driver's seat with Anthony in the V-Com's seat. Jeff and Alan in the second row and me finally in the back row. My laptop is dying and I'll need to recharge the battery on this soon.

We are still a long way to Canberra; I believe we are around 400km from Sydney and then 300km more to Canberra. With this progress, we'll reach Canberra around 2-3am in the morning on Sunday. I can imagine how rushed and sleepy we'll be tomorrow morning when we have breakky with the other SSA representatives from the other states. Not to mention the actual Makan Besar...ugh. We'll need to plan a little better for the trip back else we'll be in trouble to get back to work on Monday. Well...at least for me.

ok...since this laptop is already beeping(low battery warning), I'll sign off for now and recharge before writing again.

Sat 9.14pm
Somewhere in NSW a little nearer to Canberra
Finally...power again. Charging up to 23% battery already...hope this charges up faster. We have no idea exactly where we are but definitely somewhere nearer to Canberra already. Watching MI:3 on the laptop (finally watching this movie but I'd never guessed that I'd be watching it on a way to another city from Brisbane).

Waiting on an update on how long more before we get to Sydney. Everyone seems to be ok. Awake again after a revival stop. I am guessing we are around 2 hrs from Sydney, but we are not going into Sydney proper. We are going to bypass it using the M7 I believe. Again, we are unable to broadcast this in any way to the Internet because there is still no reception on the mobile Internet card. SIGH. But everything is looking up and we'll definitely arrive in Canberra soon.

This trip has been very interesting indeed. We are learning about each other in ways that we probably will never do if we just stayed in Brisbane. New sides of our personalities are emerging with hopeless abandon (probably because of being together in a confined space for so long). But things are not for the worst...instead, things are good. We aren't killing each other yet (which is always a good thing), but we'll definitely be tired by the time we get to Canberra (kudos to the drivers for the efforts). I am still at the back of the Tarago but Alan has taken over as the driver and Mervyn is taking a break.

Ok la...nothing really interesting happening as yet. Might give this Internet thing another try but I am not holding my breath.

Sat 10.57pm
Getting onto the New England Highway (160km from Sydney)
And since we dont have a schedule to adhere to since the beginning, there is no way to know whether we are on time or not. LOL.

We just had another short break and we're back on the road. Trying to make sense on the plans for tomorrow morning. Are we still meeting the other SSAs for breakfast? How far is the YHA from the Singapore High Comm? There is alot we dont know and wont know until we arrive or maybe even tomorrow morning. But hey...how cares...this is fun, although tiring.

Ok...I am bored again...signing off!


T-minus 8hrs to Canberra

Madness....just before going to bed...still got things not done:
Now the to-do list:

01. make space in my laptop for the music [done]
02. get music [gave up]
03. pack clothes, towel, toiletries [one shirt left]
04. pack the laptop and accessories [in the morning]
05. get my Camera & accessories ready [done]
06. LCD Screen [done]
07. buy travel snacks and munchies [will get them during the trip]
08. pack magazines/books for time passing [mag left]
09. headphones [done]
10. chargers (handphone, camera) [in the morning]
11. arrange travel expenses [on the way]
12. (still dunno if i missed anything)

so dumb...only 2 days' trip, why so kan cheong??!?!?!



I just realised why I dont particularly like this woman who works just a few desks away from me.
something about her bugged me since I started work here and I identified it just now!
its her 'perfect' english!
the way she pronounces every word accurately, in a very pompous, arrogant, 'English' way. (no offence to anyone of course, but it still bugs me)

T-minus 1 day to Canberra

The transmitter is working!!!
Now the list of things I'll need to do:

01. make space in my laptop for the music [done]
02. get music [partially done]
03. pack clothes, towel, toiletries
04. pack the laptop and accessories
05. get my Camera & accessories ready [partially done]
06. PS2 + LCD Screen (seems like this is a go)
07. buy travel snacks and munchies [will get them during the trip]
08. pack magazines/books for time passing
09. headphones
10. chargers (handphone, camera)
11. arrange travel expenses
12. (pending)

I still dont know if I missed out anything.

new features

added a categories section...wow...but its only for new/recent entries only of course.
i cant imagine myself going back to all my old entries and giving them labels...no that i didnt try...just got bored when i got to the....5th?
i am excited...canberra
lots of good memories the last time i went down there.
some more than others (drifting off into the tumultuous sea of emotions...........


bloody hell....imagine if....

justin passed me this picture of times past...
so long ago...
can you find me?
imagine if i still looked like that?

Old CHS Photo of 3E1
Click to get larger picture

T-minus 2 days to Canberra

I wonder what I have missed out in our planning...
Alan is acquiring the inverter so that we can have electricity in the vehicle. (everything extra depends on this)
joel has helped me buy an FM transmitter for the music.

I'll need to:
1. make space in my laptop for the music
2. get music
3. pack clothes, towel, toiletries
4. pack the laptop and accessories
5. get my Camera and accessories ready (video camera?)
6. PS2 + LCD Screen (still a maybe only...Alan...you sure you want this?)
7. buy travel snacks and munchies
8. pack magazines/books for time passing
9. headphones
10. chargers (handphone, camera)
11. arrange travel expenses
12. (pending)

did I miss out anything?

POLL: Road Trip Music

going to drive down to Canberra over the weekend.
we need a compilation of songs (aside from rock only, which alan wants exclusively) that can take us there and back.
please give me your favourite all-time road trip songs and i'll include it in our list.


the things we do

going down to canberra is becoming a drama.
its just a trip down to canberra...meeting people...making acquaintances.
it was supposed to be fun...and exciting...and an adventure that can only happen a few times in a person's life.
now we have grudges and misunderstandings and people feeling bad...WTF?!?!?!?!
it will clear up soon...but when did it escalate to all this?!?!?!
it's like watching a telenova from the side


here we go again...

ah...it has been too long since my last entry.
just didnt feel like writing.
dunno why.
just not in the mood.
havent been in the mood for anything for so long.
not like there isnt anything to write about.
soooo many things have happened: SSA AGM, SSA Dance Party, new forum for the SSAs, Menopause the Musical, I injured my knee and limping now, our plan to go down to Canberra next week, and those are just a few...

like the typical Cancer, I am affected by mood, and I can tell you this, I havent been high spirited in a long long time.
I hate feeling like this. I can operate and go on with life, but i just dont want to. a real smile is hard to come by recently and I miss that feeling of being happy.
I am such an idiot.

how shall I start? dont really know...haha
lets see....probably not in order but on what I remember as I write this.
firstly...SSA AGM.
it is finally over for this year's committee. congrats to them for their hard work and events this year. for wat its worth...I enjoyed my time when I attended the events. Chia Erhn is the new president for next year...so it'll be interesting to see how things turn out next year.

the dance party a few days later was ok if not memorable. just 10-20 mins of arriving, I tripped and fell on my knee, confining me to the sofas for the rest of the night and even now...I am still off my legs as much as possible. it hurts! and physical pain added onto how I am feeling inside is not a good combination for any bit of sanity. I am erratic these days, and it takes a lot not to suddenly burst into a flourish of vulgarities and maybe even physical expressions of frustration.
I need to get this knee healed soon.

helped Alan setup a forum that he will use for his personal projects (although i didnt really help much because of software automation...lol). cant get into it too much until he is ready to unveil it to the rest of the world. but it is looking great.

a few weeks ago, we went down to watch Menopause. a musical about 4 women and how they dealt with hot flushes, mood swings and memory loss. it was great fun. laughed the whole 90 mins. although the actual trip there was horrid. we arrived later than planned, couldnt find parking and ended up on the other side of the hill. WOW!!! imagine...ME...climbing up this ridiculously steep hill only to go down its horrendous way down just to get to the theatre. lucky the actual musical was worth it. ended up at Doris T's place after for coffee and tea where we chatted into the night...it was great.

talking about musicals...accompanied Justin, Kimmy and her friend Kim to a meeting of an amatuer theatre group here in Brisbane. at first...I had thought it'll be great to be part of a group of people who are doing this production annually. well, that idea kinda got itself blasted when i got there. they had recorded the play on DVD and I was......left with less to say. it was......well....lets just leave it at that and you can imagine the rest away. sufficed to say, Kimmy and Kim wont be getting back to them anytime soon and probably...neither will I.

UM asked me whether I am interested in joining the SC to help them with their website. I didnt know what to say. it wasnt something new, they had asked before a while ago, but their AGM was coming up and they needed an answer. I said yes which kinda eventually led up to me learning lots about flash and CSS and etc about modern website design. should be interesting to see how I can help.

and finally, this coming weekend. the Singapore Community Day is on at the Singapore High Comm. at first, I had given up on the idea of going because the subsidy available is crap, flying over is too costly and there just wasnt enough people interested. well...not until sat when I had one of my large gatherings/bbqs/potlucks.
the few of us left at the end of the night started talking about it and somehow came to an idea. to drive down to Canberra in a Tarago. we started looking into prices of rental, lodging, and fuel. it was possible! and it is a bunch of people who are willing to go down and actually an spend time together without killing each other. one thing led to another and as of this morning, we had confirmed plans, participants, and costs for the trip. now I just need to compile roadtrip music and we are all go!

one small hickup did happen though. this sat, the SC had invited some of us (all involved with the trip) to a dinner that is to happen after their exco stepping down meeting. but with this new plan happening, we wont be able to go. when we told AC last night, she was not a happy camper to say the least. I was taken aback....WHY?!?!?! it's not like we are blowing off the dinner for a dance party or clubbing in the valley. we are going down to Canberra to further certain plans put into action recently. to meet people and be part of something important and significant. and wat I am still blur about is...what has their stepping down have to do with us??? we arent in the committee. I am so confused. what do you think?

tt's all I wanted to write about. cant think of anything more and the entry has already grown too long. cant expect too many people to read long entries. so here's me...signing off...and reaching for a gun to shoot myself.


for a good cuase

havent been posting much cos alot of internalising has been happening...
not really in the mood to write as well.
but this is for a good cause.
a friend of an old friend is in hospital and needs some help.

click HERE to find out more.
have a beer (some of you beer guzzlers can do some good while you enjoy yourselves) and lend a hand.


an interesting website doing something similar

was just surfing the interweb for good site designs when i came across this one:

it is basically a community blog for a bunch of friends who write about anything.
i was like "WAT?" when i read it...it is similar to Red, White & Traveling although we deal with matter concerning us and Singapore.

I was stoked!! the idea aint that dumb after all...


about to explode

i feel like i am going to explode.
words cant describe it....i am going insane.
a surge of emotions
a pain on my side cos of muscle spasms
it's like OD-ing on adrenaline...


advertising another site

i felt like writing something but my mind hasnt sorted out my thoughts as yet, so this entry will be about something else.

a couple of weeks ago, an idea came to mind. after reading through sites like talkingcock.com and mrbrown.com, it came to me...the authors of these sites are people who are stationed in Singapore. doesnt matter if they were overseas before or not. now, they are viewing singapore from someone who is inside. what about the voices of the people viewing home from the outside? and that sparked off an idea. let's start our own blog, featuring articles and thoughts of people currently overseas. with hopefully regular articles, reflections, viewpoints and maybe in the future, podcasts and interviews.
And so...

Red, White & Traveling was born!

so go go....read....support....and if anyone wants to contribute to the site, just leave a message on the tagboard!


an explosion of life

An Explosion of Life

i feel reflective today...a somber feeling always appear around me when I watch Honey and Clover.
i start to think about life, purpose, goals, and where i am moving towards...
is life just a brief moment of glory?
is life just like an explosion of fireworks?
a brief moment of true brilliance but leaving behind a void of thundering silence.
or should we look at it from another angle; that life is exactly like an explosion of fireworks, leaving behind a warm and yearning feeling in the hearts of all those who witnessed its brief, exuberant glory?


oh wat another fun weekend

tired tired!!!
haha...all from the 'partying' of the weekend.
all started on friday night with joel's housewarming, which was great...ate my fill of bbq food, met a few new people, learnt a little staff spinning, hung out at their place till an unholy hour, and finished it all off with? : a game of WoW with Gavin on the other end...lol. Imagine, all that in just one night.

Saturday was great as well. Went into the city for a shop, bought a game at a super cheap (even I was surprised) price, made prata, watched Riverfire (it was more fun this year, the scenario, the people, no stress), came home to hang out, watched "Magic Kitchen" on SBS and finally watching the "DF or SF" scene (LOL!!!).
The best part of this night was when everyone was in the living room and we were discussing the 'no hum' thing as usually, then Iron Chef came on and lo and behold, the secret ingredient was...drumroll...CLAMS!!! ROFL!!!

Took so many Photos at Riverfire but I was only satisfied with the ones shown below:

Some old photos came out nicely as well.
Citycat Ride to Doris T's


having a low kind of day

YAWN...i am sleepy.
despite a full night's rest, i am still low on energy.
perhaps it is the lack of oxygen thing i was talking to mervyn about...hmm
anyways...that isnt the only thing that is low since this morning.
my spirits are low as well...
it all started with the tired feeling when i woke, and following my routine of watching anime before i leave for work, i watched Honey & Clover II Episode 4.
right from that point on, i felt crappy.
perhaps it is the subject matter of the episode, perhaps it is the lonely trip to work this morning, perhaps it is the glaring sun that felt like sarcasm whenever i saw its rays reflected on a building.
i honestly dont know.
all i felt was an enormous lack of self worth
does it matter if i never existed?
most people (if not all) ask this same question at some point in their lives. i just didnt think it'll be so early (and this often) in mine.
the world would still spin normally; the air will still be polluted; Pluto will still be declassified as a planet.
if there was a reason i was placed here, it hasnt revealed itself, nor do i expect it to.
like a shattered vase, no matter how much glue you use to stick the pieces together, it will never be the same strong work of art ever again. that is how i feel: broken, shattered, damaged...


a pretty harmless graphic

totally copying the mrbrownshow lah...
but i was bored at work and mervyn brought up the 'mai hum' thing...
so this was born a few mins later:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Disclaimer: This graphic is in no means trying to make you laugh in any way whatsoever


a sleepy morning

I am soooo sleepy.
finally fell asleep properly last night after so many nights of crap sleep, but i am still sooooo tired this morning.
how am i supposed to last through the day?

yesterday was fun!
the day started out with justin coming over to pick me up after anthony and we went down to the church over in st. lucia to set up for UM&AC's wedding anniversary mass. it was a rushed job!
30 mins to setup and 15 mins to packup after the event.
but the mass was great.
the singing was great as well.
i am still awed by astrid's rendition of 'ave maria'....wow!!!
the boys (anthony and i) made a few amusing mistakes during the mass and we'll be heading back to do a cast recording for the CD to be made...lol...so toot.

lunch was even better (a special lunch menu @ singapura...duh!)
chicken rice, hainanese chicken, sambal eggs, the best hokkien mee i had in ages, and the list goes on. a table was set aside for the 'younger' cohort of the group. namely, madiq, anthony, justin, alan, kimmy, astrid and myself. the boys of course brought up stupid topics that just amused the table; we had a lot of fun.

the karaoke was set up soon after lunch and the aunties went straight into it. and of course, i avoided the area until most had left before picking up the mic for ONE song...hehehe...it was fun, although the rest of the guys fly aeroplane and didnt take up the mic even once... :S

of course not forgetting the actual reason we were there, watching UM&AC renewing their vows and celebrating this joyful event with their friends and family, it was the best feeling just to be part of it. the love in the room was just great! i wonder if i'd ever find someone to spend 35yrs of my life with...sigh...


a fun weekend (and it aint over yet)

i am still coughing. :S
so annoying!
my nose is very accommodating and is almost cleared but my throat: UGH!

the week went by quite quickly....
took Monday and Tuesday off work to get some REAL R&R (it didnt really play out that way though).
Justin came over on Monday night to allow me to proofread the song sheets we are gonna use on Sunday for UM&AC's wedding anniversary mass. We filed them after that and that's it. no more talk about the choir until friday.

wed and thurs just disappeared with a blink and friday was a lightyear's difference compared. we had a lunch to send off Gary @ work; the lucky 3$#@%@$^ is going for a 6 week long vacation. if only contract workers could do the same (ponder...)
in the evening, we went for dinner somewhere in stretton to celebrate auntie Christine's, Doris T's and Angela's bdays. it was sooo embarrassing la. cos of my allergies to seafood, they ordered a special plate of pork ribs for me, and made me finish it ok! i am a little afraid of pork now....lol

today, woke up like...11.30am and that's only because joel called to ask me over to their new place. yes yes...nadia and joel finally moved one building away...imagine the horror! ROFL!
didnt get a chance to view the place until after dinner. it is one hellava place! NICE!!!! i am so jealous!
we hung out...had the booze as usual...and very soon after, everyone was having fun chatting. the topics....perhaps i should censor the conversation and just say it was.................erm.............eye opening (not to mention ear bleeding).
joel said i should write about the nonsense that happened but i think i should keep things in check for now. well...until i get pissed (yah! like that would happen) and remember that scene forever burnt into my retinas...hahaha.

anyways...back home now, and i think i should go to bed soon. early day tomrw with singing and eating then singing again.
so till next time...


i hate being sick

the title kinda says it all


today is a good day to die (rest)

haha...gotta love those klingons.
anyways...called in sick today.
this morning was bad...felt clogged up, tired, and i just couldn't get a good night's sleep.
called the office and went back to bed.
didnt wake till 11/12
mulled around mostly in the bedroom (didnt really feel like moving around)
ely came over around 5 and nadia shortly after.
chatted with ely for a bit before we all went for dinner at AJ's.
good hot soupy noodles for the flu....mmmmmm......goood
came back...watched tv....ely went home....watched more tv....and here i am, getting ready for bed.
and on that note...gdnight!


*cough *choke *wheez

ugh...my cough is getting worse.
been feeling a little under since some time mid week but it is really bad now.
and imagine me at choir practice today, coughing and wheezing like a nut case, and going off tune soooo many times....lol
so dumb....

supposed to be sleeping

well...i am supposed to be sleeping but i ended up uploading photos instead.
here they are in their respective albums
(there might be repeats)

Chinese New Year BBQ

SSA Sem 1 Welcome BBQ

Singapore Club Bowling

SSA Sem 1 Dance Party - Masquerade

SSA Sem 1 Rock Climbing

Chua's Visiting BBQ *New*

SSA Sem 2 Welcome BBQ *New*

National Day Dinner *New*

National Day Ball *New*

Ekka *New*


a great slogan remembered

hahaha...just got reminded of a great catch phrase used by a vendor @ the ekka this year.
"with the wonder dick, all you've got to do is screw an orange to get juice!!"

P.S. in case you are baffled, the "wonder dick" is a contraption similar to a juicer. but it looks like a screw driver.

a fun evening + an informative morning

ah...the memories...having fun...lol
lots came back last night when mervyn, cherry and lania came over for (guess!) MONOPOLY!!!
haha...it was fun...ruthless money grabbing and hording of resources all aimed at the total annihilation of your rivals...ah...the evil, the greed, the fact that it didnt happen (?!?!?!?!)
everyone was too nice, allowing rents to be forfeited, making nice deals, alliances made way too early. and not forgetting my being placed in jail twice wrongly.
but all in good fun and we left (well, mervyn and lania were stoned tired and slept for a bit before leaving) happy and satisfied.

this morning i woke up late...12pm late!
i was like...ugh...another day wasted.
joel wanted to go to ikea to shop for his new apartment, but i was too lazy to go. the never-ending walk from the bus stop to the holy grail of cheap (well, affordable) furniture. the heat from the fiery sun that might melt my thick layer of fatty cells...no way man.
plus...i need to get a haircut (it was coming alive, esp in the morning when i need it to stay down).

but before the inevitable demise of my long-ish crown, i actually had a decent conversation with an old time friend in taiwan, whom i hadnt spoken to in a long while. she was having problems of the boy kind (what else is worth gossiping over?). hope everything works out for her...she is too sweet to be hurt by another idiotic male who doesnt know how to act. anyways...it was a good chat and told her about my plans for japan and lo and behold, her first reaction was, "AH! now i can visit you in japan!". oh comon! that's like the standard reply from almost EVERYONE. amazing...like you need a reason like that to visit japan. haha...i wonder how that'll turn out.

anyways...i am back to mourn the pre-mature death of my hair by taking a long shower, so till next time, happy blogging...


talk about divine messages

irritating la.
come home, load email program, first thing i see: "Get Laid!"
ugh...sometimes the spam filters fail and let these things through, but what a way to go....lol....and the content?
HAHAHA...kinda speaks for itself doesnt it...

anyone seen this frog?

recently saw this on one of the videos i watched.

anyone know where i can find the t-shirt?
SO CUTE!!!!!!

it might be japanese, cos the clip is of matsumoto in 'downtown no gaki no tsukai'

2000th visitor

the thing about being bored @ work is that sometimes you get interesting screenshots.
my site has 2000 views since its birth!


bored again.
i need some entertainment. where to find?


cant stop writing

argh....once i start i cant stop writing.
hahaha...this is like a wave as well...and now i am on the side with all the words on it.
bored to death at work and still outlasting my sanity here.
but it has been interesting just thinking about stuff while working on boring documents.
topic for today is: interesting relationships

among all the relationships that exist between people i know here in brisbane and back home, i have to say that most of them are based on very weird, if not totally insane dependencies. of course i cant elaborate without breaking anyone's trust but seriously...not many are based on simple things. but it seems a lot of them are together cos there is a need of something that the other person can offer. in some cases, love is also involved (you'd hope). but still, can these symbiotic relationships last? what if one day the thing that is being offered became redundant or diminished? will these partnerships last the test?

some examples of dependence are:
- the need for honesty and brutal truth
- the need for someone who is contrast to a past failure
- the need for someone to give into almost all their desires
- the need for physical satisfaction

can these things be sustained? only time will tell i guess...


another relaxing(?) holiday

well, here i am finally...resting; sitting down at my table just relaxing.
it's the ekka hols today and everyone was in a slow, relaxed mode.
hell...i only got out of bed @ 11 this morning. amazing!
i actually woke up @ 7 but i went back to bed and had a weird dream about saving the world from ultimate doom. the weirder part is, the people who were about to bring forth the end of days were people i knew from church...talk about weird. LOL

that pointless thing aside, it was slow today. went for lunch with yentheng and joel today. nandos is still the best la...hehe....half a chicken...mmmmm
then went for a shop in the myer centre. bought myself another puzzle and this one actually stumpped me. i still cant solve it although i finally got the general idea of what to do.
This is the puzzle i bought.

The Chain.

after we went to fat louis's for a game of pool, which ended up being snooker, but still we had fun nonetheless. it was fun. i actually had fun. it has been a long while since i played a pool/snooker game. i had fun.

came home after and watched 'Step Up' on the laptop. it was great! i love these dance movies. they actually make me want to get up off my ass and move. i wonder if i could ever dance well enough...lol.

talk about dancing, i must've really overdone it during the national day ball. it had been a long time since i moved my body as much and i had been aching for the past few days. but it is a good kind of pain. one type that i dont mind enduring for those few moments of release, those moments of freedom. sigh...

so here i am finally...getting ready for bed. another "productive" day ahead for me. i still seek the reason for my existence, and perhaps, it might come tomrw...


a new look, a new entry, perhaps a new outlook?

i was getting bored of the old blog so i decided to go minimalistic for the time being.
using a different style of titling as well.
something that is less processing-needy just to think up a title for every entry.

perhaps this entry can be called 'a life in review' as well.
i dunno...
have been reflecting a lot in the past few weeks, trying to come to a resolution of sorts. a resolution to what? i have no freaking idea. it just feels like i need to resolve a few things. sort things out in my head. know where i am and where i will be heading to.
it all seems so jumbled up these days; it all used to be clear and simple.

the year didnt exactly start off great, well...it didnt start off in the slightest good at all actually.
i still remember someone said that 2006 is going to be a worse year for the monkey (chinese zodiac of course) than 2005.
at that time, i thought that was impossible. guess i was wrong. it's things like this that actually makes me wonder about the credibility of astrology, even though i am not supposed to take such things seriously (lots of catholic doctrine over the years)

anyways, my general mood for the year has been less than content. more lows than highs and even the highs were passing phases that blew over and forgotten almost immediately. if you think i am exaggerating, think again. scary thoughts passed through my mind a bit too often through out the year and lasts even till now. thoughts that, until recently, i'd never thought i'd ever have; things such as cutting myself, jumping in front of a car, etc. you know what i mean. before you start going panicky and calling the madhouse or the police, let me assure you that they are just things that go through my head...that is all.

this is not watering down the good times i had with good friends and family, but they are over-shadowed very easily by the gloom that resides deep in my heart/soul/watever. i dont think anyone actually sees this at all. years and years of 'acting' happy has gotten far. i always 'acted' only when i didnt want to discuss unhappy things further with others, but now...it is on a whole different level. something as normal as shrugging off bad thoughts has become a somewhat full-time exercise. but beneath my smiles and grins usually sits a heart in pain, like a wound that refuses to heal.

but it hasnt only been lows of course. there are some highs here and there. like the time when i thought i might be able to feel again, that i might move a few steps forwards and allow myself to feel happy again, only to realise that the values that keep me in check also hindered me in perhaps finally finding a shred of happiness again. (vague and abstract? of course la, i cannot just make it too obvious and mention names here, can i?)
but that experience just left me lower than i already was. how's that for kicking a man when he's already down?

what else has happened over the year...wow...it has been a long year indeed. lets go in chronological order shall we?

spent most of this time alone but at the same time putting out fires all around me. nostalgic actually. i was doing the same just 12 months ago. of course i dont mean actual fires, just emotional ones. it's an ironic role to play. here i was, all screwed up within but yet helped friends along the way get through their difficult times.

it was also around this time when i felt that i might have moved on abit. gotten over the hurt and start to, maybe, feel happy about life again. this was short lived obviously when i realised (as usual) that my timing was @#$!%@#%. amazing! another blow just when hope was returning...talk about absolutely destroying self worth and self confidence. it really felt like fate/destiny/watever it is called is absolutely trying to drive me off the cliff of sanity. but even that passed on like another wave in the sea, pushing forward and bringing another wave behind it.

things are beginning to pick up around this time. people are returning from their holidays and things are starting to happen again. parties; clubbing; official events to go for; all good fun. but it felt really different. the fun didnt feel real because of that lingering pain in the background. things were getting out of hand. i could hardly contain the pain anymore. whether it showed or not, i dunno. ask those around me who see me often. did i look like i wanted to kill myself? i hated feeling like that. i am a strong person. someone people could come to to get help and perhaps just a listening ear. but there i was...feeling like a victim all the time; like my existence didnt matter. my conscious mind knew that isnt true, but my heart felt otherwise.

i had to battle my inner demons as past events kept on replaying to haunt me. i couldnt sleep. i hardly ate except to prevent me actually dying. that knife in the kitchen looked dangerously appealing suddenly. the pain in my chest came like unending waves of emotion that just refesed to stop no matter what i did. and with each wave, the intensity got stronger and stronger; at the peak of the pain, it really did feel like a knife was already in my heart. perhaps it was a heart attack? who knows?

but somewhere amongst all that, i still went to work everyday, i still lived life as if nothing had happened, with no one being the wiser. people started to forget. people started to act like nothing happened at all. and i just followed suit. a fool of fortune.

aside from a few people whom i still keep close contact with, by this time, i was beginning to cut myself off from the world again. i just didnt want to be hurt again. my faith in people is already close to zero. it was a weird thing. when i was with people, i was the old me, but once i am alone, it became this self-hating, people hating thing. i had no cause or reason to love anything around me anymore. i could've become reclusive, but i guess that isnt a viable choice in this day and age.

by this time, i had considered going to Japan to teach English. it was something i really wanted to do but there were responsibilities. how am i supposed to pursue my own life when i am tied down by things that i need to do? making sure the family was ok, that there was enough money for my parents, my sis. going away at this time might not be the right thing to do. being the eldest sucked. talked to AC about it once and she advised me not to give it up. there just needs to be a little bit more planning on my end. i had thought about saving a larger sum of money now so that i can send bits of it back to my parents in regular intervals. and continue doing so until my 'excursion' to Japan finished. it seems to be the plan for now...whether it will come to pass, only time will tell.

chua dropped by for a week in July as well. one of those sudden unannounced trips for him to reflect on his life direction as well. having him around for a good chat helped as well. as i helped him resolve conflicts, i too realised what i needed to do to get my things in order. well...at least for things that i can actually do. everything i had to resolve inside is still all over the place. my feeling of self-worth dwindles bit by bit everyday.

it didnt help when people all around me are hooking up , getting married, or constantly talking about how great it is to find someone they can spend the rest of their lives with.
dont get me wrong.
i am absolutely thrilled for them. they are my friends and they are good people. they deserve all the happiness they can get. the thing is, what does that leave me? i dont want pity or anything, but if the world works on a principle that good people deserve good things and a happy ending, where am i in that equation? does it mean i am not worth it? that i am not a good person? that the world finds me inadequate for happiness?
i love to see people happy (perhaps i should've been a clown or comedian) and i'd do my best to leave people i meet leaving with a sense of cheer or peace. when people i am with are happy, so am i, when they find someone who they are happy to be with, i'll support them as a friend and be happy for them, i just have to learn to accept that happiness might elude me for a long while (if not forever).

and finally we are at the present. with national day preparations and celebrations on the horizon. having dinner with close friends and spending time with them always brings me out of the rut i am in. during those moments, i dont exist in that dark place that resides in my heart. i forget that life sucks. these 2 weeks have been one of the best throughout the year. mostly because there are lots of distractions. nadia and joel moving just a block away from me, dinner on national day, the national day ball, shopping for clothes for the national day ball, EKKA...all good things. i just hope that it can keep up.

i am feeling a little happier these days but perhaps it is only because i have been preoccupied.

i guess some might say...get over it! there are people worse off than you.
i know that. DUH!! i know i am quite fortunate, no serious disabilities; not exactly poor and starving, but there are other forms of misfortunes in a person's life. it is not always about the things we can see and touch that makes us fortunate or not. isnt that so? i guess you can not really compare one with the other. the honest truth is, though we are usually/try to be compassionate about the suffering of others, what is real is what we feel ourselves. when you feel pain, what others feel is irrelevant; at least for that point in time.

just last night on my way back to the city, sitting alone in the bus, something came clearly to mind. i am feeling lonely; alone; pain in my chest again. scenes from when i was still a teen came back like an instant replay. times when i had to take a bus or train home after school alone (well...no one lived THAT near me to travel together). you still remember those days? i did. it was for some reason, peaceful. the thought of being lonely never came to mind when i was travelling home alone. it was time when i could study people, or be alone with my thoughts. flash to the present and i am sitting alone on the bus. a sense of loneliness strangling the very life out of my lungs and piercing my chest with sharp, relentless pursuit. it doesnt matter for however long or short a period of time. when i am alone, i feel this sense of being in a void, with nothing and nobody around me. i wish it would stop.

i guess the messiness and the incoherence of this entry is a reflection of my mental and emotional state right now. i wish i was timeless, drifting endlessly for eternity, with no sense of time anymore, so that i may forget this pain and perhaps find something that might fill the void that, perhaps, has been there since many years ago, but only recently became a problem.

i wonder when my next entry will come. when something interesting happens again? another long-over-due type of entry? or maybe (cross-fingers) some good news? i dunno. haha. too tired to predict anything anymore. so here's to whoever is reading this and gaining some insight into what has been going through my head in the past few months. am i in depression, no matter how mild? am i losing hope? what will become of me over time? who knows? the only thing for sure is, i was a much happier person...


the one with the intended updates

wow...it has been a while since a proper update on this.
so much has happened and i dont know where to even begin.
but this lack of energy is killing me....writing this short entry of a few lines has been taxing indeed...lol
anyways...will return with a proper update soon.
guarenteed to peek thy interest
till then...signing off


the one with the world cup cuisine (trivia)

well....i guess it's decided: Italy vs France for the World Cup Final on Sunday.
This might be interesting to know as to why I believe Italy will win on Sunday:

French cuisine originated from Italian cuisine (or rather the Italian City States common cooking methods) which was brought to the French court upon the marriage of Catherine de Medici to King Henri II of France. She was so disgusted by the cooking methods of the French at this time that Catherine de Medici brought her own Chefs from Italy who taught the French Chefs the Italian method of enhancing the flavours of the ingredients rather than to hide them. So was born French cuisine.
Source: Wikipedia: French Cuisine

Interesting eh?


the one with the search for superman

over the past few days, i have gotten a good share of views about the new superman movie.
some believe it was boring while others enjoyed it very much (like myself). i guess if you expect the same action and thrill from the recent x-men or spiderman movies, then you will definitely be disappointed.
superman isnt about destroying everything that comes in his way, he stands for truth justice and all that. ;)
naturally, his movies will be very much more about overcoming his weaknesses and reflecting the goodness from within human beings.
he is what we all can strive to become.

and of course, he is what i have been seeking to become since i was a kid. subconsciously, if not actively.
i dont mean i aim to fly or wear blue tights with red underwear on the outside, but more the attitude towards people.
why hurt others when you can just help them, to bring a smile to their faces?
the world is a sad place as it is, why add onto the pain?
if everyone tried to be superman to everyone around them, that will take life a lot easier, not to mention happier, for most people no?
after so many years, watching the rebirth of my superhero gave new life to my admiration and search for superman