the one with destiny's knock

just watched the finale of will and grace. WOW!!!
imagine watching a series for sooo long you cannot even remember the time you started watching it. and the suddenly...it finally comes to an end. that alone is enough to drive your heart mad. but back to the topic, destiny.

destiny, the topic of the finale, that you cannot make it happen, that if destiny intended for something to happen, it will, no matter what.
it really does make things somewhat clear sometimes.
myself personally, i believed very much in destiny before i began my journey in Oz. the honest part of it is, i actually stopped believing in it for a while back; that you can make things happen with your own two hands; everything is within your control.

watching this episode made me realise that it was a coverup; a coverup of my inability to let things happen on their own. i want to be that naive person i was many years back, to believe that things really do happen for a reason, that destiny will bring people together, be it family, friends or lovers.

destiny. it goes by many names: fate, karma (maybe), divine intervention. whatever its name, what will you do, what will you do when destiny comes knocking on your door?

the one with the baby

havent really been writing about stuff happening in my life recently, so here's just one of those updates.

a colleague came back to work last week after taking 2 weeks off for the birth of his beautiful baby daughter. what an amazing miracle, he goes off 2 weeks before and returns a dad...wow.

sometimes i wonder whether in this day and age, when people are marrying later and when some think of the idea of marriage and having a family repulsive, is having the want to have a family of my own a weird thing. has the loneliness caught up this much that i actually want a family of my own? i really wonder.

so many things prompted this track of thought. my need of actually wanting someone to be close to in my life. my need of someone who can understand, tolerate and love me for who i am. my need of perhaps making a stamp of my existence in this world. a wife i love, children i can nurture, a family.

i have friends who want the same thing, but it seems that the dream is somewhat elusive and almost impossible. why is that? will it be simpler if i was back home in singapore and available to be with the ones i have/had feelings for? is the fact that i am in a foreign land, and not really close with any like-minded (more like lack of) people here?

finally i am at a stage where i know what i want. and i know i can give and provide for my family when i have one. except actually having someone to start a family with.
any takers?


the one with the phantom kinda life

sitting here, alone, and absolutely melancholic, all i can think of doing is writing this down before i go to bed.
watched the phantom of the opera on dvd just now and well, that show always brings lotsa feelings back out in the open.
not good ones of course, just the painful/sad ones.

it was actually quite ok, was enjoying the singing, until someone mentioned that it isnt real, this kinda thing doesnt happen in real life.
that struck me, and something i havent thought about in a long time came rushing back.

the phantom of today isnt a disfigured soul, or a freak of nature. it is everyone who has been rejected because of how they look. ugly people, fat people, short people, anyone who doesnt fit into the world's view of beauty.

in the show, the phantom was a deranged, self-pitying monster. many would just leave it at that and just categorise him that way.
how many would actually consider the reasons why he turned out that way?
i am sure he didnt want to become the monster that he had become.
his eventuality is a reflection of how we all might end up if we suffered a life of rejection, of low self-esteem, of loneliness. is the phantom truely a monster, or a reflection of how some of us might turn out if we never find love?


the one with climbing rocks and inner obstacles

long long tiring day....but FUN!!!!
Photos (this time for real) will be up very soon, together with all the back-logged ones.
Went along for the SSA Rock Climbing thing today and boy...it was fun. Although all I did was belay for them; sadly, there was no harness big enough for me :'(
But it was still fun nevertheless.
Seemed like total fun la (minus the arm pain that comes with it, with people to attest to it).
It felt good having something to do during the weekends again.
More outdoorsy...instead of just hanging around the home or the city all the time. We need more of these activities to keep our lives interesting...lol

About to get into bed after switching between 2 movies on TV tonight; X-Men 2 & Love Actually.
Both tapping into my different emotions while I was watching them.
One churned my suspense for the up-coming X-Men 3 while the other brought back many memories of many months back.

I think I got too much emotion to go around...and it overwhelms me too easily.
Consumed and 'drowned' in it, emotion has been my driving force in almost every aspect of my life recently.
It wasn't always like that.
There was a time when I was in control, a time when had I shut up and let things be. I wonder what happened to that 'me'.

Jamie on BB said something that struck hard.
He said (or something similar), "You are my best mate and more here in the house and it is killing me that I can't talk to you".
Haha...go figure right?!


the one with the conspiracy theories

it seems that everywhere i turn to, i see conspiracies unravelled.
it is quite exciting really.
from a simple Big Brother twist to a possible UFO cover-up.
this is fabulous.
my head finally has something to ponder upon when i am bored.

the most recent one i read about was the case of Gary McKinnon of the UK hacking into NASA and US military computer networks in search of alien technologies which he believes exist but kept from the public.
his motivation is that these technologies, which he suspects produces free energy, should be shared with the world, especially in the wake of rising fuel prices.

i kind of agree with him on this.
technology like this should be shared with the world.
hundreds of people freeze to death or live in the dark of night everyday because they cannot afford fuel to warm themselves or to power their lamps.
but free energy can also bring out another evil into the world.
limitless energy will probably bring about a new generation of weapons that we can use to further increase the deaths brought upon by warlords and terrorists.
a literal double edged sword.

and as for alien technologies, one mentioned was anti-gravity technology.
it might be extra-terrestrial, or it might just be a development of our own.
i still remember reading and article about anti-grav-like behaviour generated by using capacitors. my limited memory recalls something about channelling the current within a capacitor and thus creating a resultant force which defies gravity.

it might have been a bogus study for all i know but i believe that McKinnon's suspicions have grounds for further investigation (like so many other people before have).
why else would the US want a harsh punishment for McKinnon?
do they have something to hide indeed?


the one with the new graphics page

realised that if i continue to add graphics to the side bar, it'll get ridiculously long.
so i created an entry to act as a page to house all my graphic links.
and it can be found here.

yawn...another long monday

Graphics Page

Red Planet

Pink Planet

Blue Planet

The Sun

An Exploding Planet



the one with the graduation

another slow sleepy morning in the office today.
still struggling to get into full gear at work, but i'll get there...eventually
woke up to a message that weixin left me on msn,
their graduation was on monday and it totally slipped my mind.
it was only then did it strike me that May has arrived.
5 months into the year already.

i am happy for the guys back home who had their graduation, mine was fun and i hope their's was great as well...mmm...good (although expensive) food.
i guess the whole idea of graduation for QUT students is sorta screwed up.
i mean...most people would've started work, gotten on with their lives for several months already and then the graduation ceremony comes into play.
a little sad that it didnt come closer to the real graduation for everyone but in a way, it serves as a great way for old friends to meet up again to celebrate something common in all their lives.
i wonder how everyone is.

May also ushers in a period of memories of which i still am unsure whether i want to recall.
a little stupid and childish i guess, but i dont see anything cheerful to remember, or maybe i am just blind these days...

quote: chrono cross

what was the start of all this?
when did the cogs of fate begin to turn?

perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now,
from deep within the flow of time...

but, for the certainty, back then,
we loved so many, yet hated so much,
we hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

yet even then, we ran like the wind,
whilst our laughter echoed,
under the cerulean skies...

thus the curtain closes on another tale.

an eternity has passed...
fleeting dreams fade into the distance...
all that is left now
is me and my memories...

but i'm sure we'll meet again,
someday, you and i...
another place, another time.

it's just that we might not realise
that you are you and i am me...

let us open the door to the great unknown,
come across another reality,
and live another today...
even when the story has been told,
life goes on...

until we meet again,
take care of yourself, my friend...

- Schala "Kid" Zeal

the one with the click

the original full length version of a great ad


the one with the bus loop

an interesting thing happened on the way to work.
a lady on the bus asked me if the bus was going to Kelvin Grove or Carseldine.
the thing is, we were on the city loop bus.
it didnt take anymore time before she realised that she was on the wrong bus.
i told her where the bus to kelvin grove was and all she needed to do was to take the city loop back to unilodge and walk over.
but she got off at the same stop i did, in the middle of the city, at the other end of the bus route.
this got me thinking a bit.

whenever we make a mistake in our lives, is it alright to just ride the 'wave' until we arrive at our starting point? or should we get off as soon as possible and find a new route to take to our destination, where ever that is?
oh bother.....


the one with the blank thoughts

rightfully-so, i am finally sitting down in front of a computer to type an update here.

many things have happened over the past few weeks or so, with packing my room as the main highlight over the past few days; while Lindz is in Melbourne on her break.

been thinking/reflecting alot over the past few weeks and finally, i am at the point where nothing new, if anything, comes up anymore.
i am still thinking alot, but it seems to be just for the sake of thinking, to keep my mind working.
watching michael on big brother (oh yes....it has begun again!!!), he reminds me of myself at times.
and a comment made about him by another housemate really hit me. what if one day my head blew up from over thinking...hahaha...that'll be cool (yet disturbing at the same time).

supanova (www.supanova.com.au) came back to brisbane a few weeks back and i totally enjoyed my time there la (photos, like many others, will be up eventually).
bought so many things this time round and enjoyed being in the company of like-minded geeky folk.

i just feel numb these days.
not really looking forward to things to come.
i guess there is no motivation anymore (not that there was much to begin with).
in some way, i am still affected by past events and many wasted nights have i lied down and wondered why i am not moving on, moving forward.
perhaps there are things just holding my back, but what can they be?
maybe it is so obvious but i am oblivious to it.
who knows?

perhaps a new dawn will rise for me soon.
with together with a nickname change on msn, a change in destiny might come as well...?