Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part3]

So it is finally New Year's Eve.
The last day of 2008.

Year in review:
- Started a newer healthier lifestyle (even if it did start only in Oct)
- Lost 10kg (hopefully I won't gain it all back in SG)
- Got a raise
- Kept my job
- Got my Hepatitis Vaccination done finally
- Went to the doc to get a full body check
- Tried to be the best person I can be (but don't we do this everyday?)
- Went to church almost every Sunday (might have been 1 or 2 when I was too sick to move)
- Got pre-approved for a Home Loan
- Got my taxes in order FINALLY!
- Kept 1 fish alive

Can't remember what else I did this year.
Decided to go with a concrete list of things to get done in 2009 as opposed to this year. That might help with my direction and execution.

So what's in store for 2009:
- Lose another 30kg (to my target 90, actually....going back to double digit weight is gonna be YEAH!)
- Get the rest of my body fixed
- Change my look (Superficial aren't I?)
- Get healthier
- Get more active again
- Keep my job
- Buy a home
- Be more active in church?
- Be more spiritual
- Be more attuned/Pay more attention to God's messages for me
- Keep my taxes in order
- Keep fish alive
- Find and acknowledge some small little piece of happiness for myself

That's it really.
Nothing more to report this year except for Deb's party later.
Maybe I'll have someone to kiss on the stroke of midnight this year...nah...not going to happen.


Mount Tambourine Road Trip

Christmas Party @ Deb's

Michelle's Wedding




Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part2]

So comes an end to my second day in Singapore.
Didn't do much today at all.
Stayed at home because I wanted to have a home cooked meal...YUM!
Miss mom's cooking.

So tomorrow is going to be the end of another open-ended chapter in my personal memoirs...if I or anyone else ever write one.
Michelle is getting married in the morning.
What else can I say?
Another chapter of 'regret', of 'what ifs' and of teenage infatuation.
It was...I guess...never meant to be.
My timidness and fear of rejection...again...was my sole (maybe) enemy in this again.
But it is in the past.

Tomorrow closes that part of my life...and the next page flips open.
I wonder which chapters yearns or even begs to be put away next.


Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part1]

3am in the morning...my first after arriving back home.
I am EXTREMELY tired but yet not really wanting to sleep.
I feel out of place somehow.
Really like it's some place out of a surreal dream scape.
Is this still home? Or do I have 2 homes now?
It's very familiar and yet alien altogether.
Things have changed...people have moved on, grown, evolved (haha).
I am unsure of my place.
Where do I belong?
Home...the simple complex meaning of that word...that idea...that feeling...is completely different.
I might or might not find my answers by the end of my trip here.
At least it won't be boring...trust me...it won't be.


Final Night/Morning In Brissy for 2008

Merry Christmas Everyone!

So here I am...in my room...less than 12hrs before my flight back home to Singapore.
Finally finished packing my room just in case there is an unforeseen need.
Sleepy...tired...but somehow...unwilling to go to bed.

What is this I feel...this 'sian-ness'?
I want to go back...to spend time with my family and old friends, yet I don't want to leave this 'temporary' home and the friends I have here.
UGH...maybe it's the tiredness talking.
Gonna try and go to bed.

Love you all!


Day's End: Melbourne Day 3 & 4

Finally got some time to write this. Amazing how much free time you have to blog on holidays but none of that when you return to 'real' life eh? :(

Final Day...*sob*:

Melbourne 2008 - Day 3

So what did I promise you?
Stupid cab drivers?
Coolest Cathedral?
Solid Lunch?
Let's see...

*been REALLY slacking off but I've had other things on my mind...will update on those soon*

You know what.... just didn't find any time to write this at all.

Stupid cab driver = didn't wanna take me to the Cathedral cos it was too short a trip in relation to his wait at the hotel. FINE. Took a cab down the street and paid him 10 for a 6 on the meter. See...being nice works out for you.

The Cathedral was shiok siah. Really gothic and solemn. Go check out the photos.

Lunch was great with Gavin @ Lygon.
Pasta + Pizza = FULL!
Then we went to Koko Black....Chocolate Decadence...absolutely insane.
Something that cannot be forgotten.

Had dinner with Victoria again in the evening at his place called Fire Ants? Or Red Ants? There is a photo in the collection above.

So there ends the whole trip.
The next morning I woke up super early (lost 1 hour due to daylight savings), caught my flight back to Brissy and went straight to work.
Fun but totally exhausted by the end of it all.
Would I do it again...Hell YEAH!


More Palin Humour + Random Spelling

A very close representative of the actual debate.

But not everything is political...there is also:


Day's End: Melbourne Day 2 + Singapore Day 2008

Ok...photos first.

If you wanna see photos from Singapore Day only:

Singapore Day 2008 - Melbourne

Or just everything on Day 2:

Melbourne 2008 - Day 2

Was so tired last night that I didn't have the energy to write a summary of the day.
There are so many things to write about.
Singapore Day
Dinner alone
Walking the streets of Melbourne

The photos don't really do justice to the whole day at all.
I got videos of the performers at Singapore Day but I'll get those uploaded somehow later.

So what happened?
Firstly...woke up from a terrible sleep but at least it was early enough to have an hour to 'reset' before having to leave for Singapore Day.
The streets were filled with the sound of Singlish...all the way from the city to the park where the event was held. It felt so surreal among all the Singaporeans.
Gavin was there 10 mins before me so I conveniently joined him in line, and just moments after that...the crowds came in.
The line doubled within 10 mins and tripled within 20. It was insane. Lucky us for joining the line just in the nick of time.

After another group of Gavin's friends joined us...we got past the registration booth, collected the goodie bags and headed straight for the food...WOOHOO!!!
But guess what...ALL the lines were already packed with people. We went straight for the Bak Kut Teh because for some odd reason...it was empty...and we were hungry...beggars can't be choosers.

The rest of the day was spent in the sun (which made me sunburnt...OUCH) watching the performances. The rest of Gavin's friends had more food but I didn't really get anything else to eat till around 3.30 when I couldn't take the hunger anymore and attempted to line up at the Nasi Lemak stall.
That was when I met Kenneth and Cherry...actually...they spotted me in the line.
We chatted for a bit and Kenneth suggested that I check out this Shanghai Dumplings place in Chinatown for dinner since I was flying solo for the night; Gavin had an OFFICIAL event to attend...hahahaha.
Not to bore with details of the whole event...some highlights of my favorite parts of the day were Phua Chu Kang's appearance, the PCK family , minus Chu Beng, in a skit about going back to SG (propaganda at work) and Dick Lee showing up at the end.
WOOHOO!!! Fried Rice Paradise!!! :P

Went back to the hotel for a short rest and finally dragged myself out at around 8.45 for dinner. Amazing that all the makan places were still open and at full steam so late into the night. Stupid Brisbane and its early closing hours. :(
I picked up a small bag of Roasted Chestnuts (why don't they have this in Brissy???) from a streetside vendor and went ahead towards Chinatown.

Found the Shanghai Dumplings place and TRUST ME...WOW...BEST...SOLID...SEDAP...I dunno what else to say.
I had the pork dumplings plus a bowl of noodles in spicy sauce...BEST!
Topped it off with a serve of Red Bean Pancakes...that one not nice. Had one piece and left the rest there...didn't even tabao.

Took a loooooooooong stroll around the city to walk off dinner.
Some of the 'adventures' were, stopping to take a good long look at Bourke Street Mall (you know I have never walked down the mall and still won't at the end of this trip), contemplated buying something from a place named "Lord of the Fries"...lucky I didn't, and finally getting an ice cold bottle of cider at the pub below the hotel.

Went to bed after setting the clocks an hour ahead (stupid daylight savings...make me lose 1 hr of my holiday) to get ready for another day of walking walking walking.
That's a story for later and it has already gotten interesting.
Stupid cab drivers
Coolest Cathedral
Solid Lunch
and finally...CHOC HEAVEN!!!!


Day's End: Melbourne Day 1

Wow...Day 1 in Melbourne is finally over and I am getting ready to rest my sore legs and finally (and hopefully) get some well rested sleep.
Got my photos all uploaded and here they are.

Melbourne 2008 - Day 1

So what happened after I went left the hotel just now?
Met up with Gavin and I had lunch @ Max Brenner's Choc Bar.
Too bad for you guys who didn't come!!!! Suckers!!!!

Anyways...after lunch we went walking around the city (mostly indoors cos of the rain. my fault again I am sure).
Found thee book I was looking for @ Borders Melbourne...the book which drove me nuts cos I couldn't find it in Borders Brisbane.
This book alone made this trip worth it.

We took the free city loop tram to Telstra Dome after that to attend Contact Singapore's Careers@Singapore Fair.
It was alright...got some bits of info and contacts for when I decide it's time to go home for an extended period of time.

We then left early to meet Gavin's friend Victoria (Comon...meeting someone named Victoria in Melbourne, Victoria is so cool la).
She brought us to this out-of-the-way Sichuan Restaurant for dinner.
The food was so spicy that I am worried about stomach upsets, rings of fire, and who knows what other ailments that can befall a person who ate too much spicy food.
It was definitely an experience I won't forget.

So it was late after and I was too buggered to do anything else.
Took a slow stroll down Swanston Street...took photos...listened to a couple of Buskers who were amazing...bought some snacks for the hotel and came 'home'.
I am so sleepy now I could faint siah.
Actually...that's what I intend to do until tomorrow morning.
So here's a wonderful end to an adventurous, mortifying, unforgettable and exhausting day.
I sure hope tomorrow is just as great.

Travel Pitfalls and Confusion

Well...I am in my hotel room in Melbourne finally.
Talk about having an 'interesting' time since waking up this morning.

Had to repack a little this morning cos of a small cologne canister in my carry-on.
Then suddenly...I had not enough money in my main bank account. Forgot to account for the Ebay purchases from the last few days. :(
Then I was the last to board the plane...with multiple calls and even a FINAL call.
The flight was ok...slept some of the way cos of the little sleep I had last night.
Took the SkyBus to the city and decided to walk to the hotel. Whether that was a wise decision is still out to the jury. It was so loooooong. I think I walked more than the length of Brisbane's CBD.
I think the depressing bit is this crummy little hotel room. I think my old Unilodge room was bigger. But hey...its only for sleeping in.

Gotta plan for lunch soon and attending Contact Singapore's Careers Fair later. Now what time was it?...Hmm...
What else can I do today? Photo taking...Makan...sigh.


Melbourne Anxiety

Phew...so tomorrow I go to Melbourne on my first non-Singapore Holiday in the LONGEST time.
Anxiety Attack.
Just is.

What am I going to do once I get there?
Walk around town and take photos? - I could do that.
Visit the nice cafes and restuarants and have my fill? - Definitely.

Too bad I don't have any travelling companions this time round.



There are many things I am sorry about:

I am sorry for being too short.
I am sorry for being too fat.
I am sorry for being not athletic.
I am sorry for being not big enough.
I am sorry for being not a genius.
I am sorry for being not funny.
I am sorry for not knowing what to say.
I am sorry for being not wealthy.
I am sorry for being not successful.
I am sorry for being lost with current affairs.
I am sorry for being crazy for science fiction.
I am sorry for remembering useless facts.
I am sorry for being a Movie and TV trivia nut.
I am sorry that I can't drive.
I am sorry that I don't have a car.
I am sorry for putting off getting a license as well.
I am sorry for being peace loving.
I am sorry for sitting on the fence during trivial arguments.
I am sorry for caring too much.
I am sorry for being too intense.
I am sorry for being a worry-wart.
I am sorry for spending money on flowers.
I am sorry for not making gifts from scratch.
I am sorry for missing that one song you wanted.
I am sorry for holding you tight.
I am sorry for being a Chinese man.
I am sorry for not being Caucasian.
I am sorry for my immaturity.
I am sorry for my ideals.
I am sorry for my dreams.
I am sorry for daydreaming sometimes.
I am sorry for dreaming of a better world.
I am sorry for my weird sense of humour.
I am sorry for screaming at the TV.
I am sorry for crying when something touching in on.
I am sorry for being a man.
I am sorry for being born the way I am.
I am sorry that I didn't sing for you.
I am sorry for the poems I wrote in my mind.
I am sorry for thinking we have a future together.
I am sorry for hoping for anything at all.
I am sorry that I adore the way you laugh.
I am sorry that I miss your smile.
I am sorry to allow myself to fall in love.
I am sorry that I fell in love with you.
But one day...soon...maybe...I won't need to say sorry anymore.




I need sleep.
Couldn't sleep last night.
It was warmer than usual.
Tossed and Turned.


The End of Another Olympics

Oh well...back to the mundane...that is normal life.
No more sports to watch when I go home. (Well...sports I actually want to watch)
No more beloved basketball matches which I have missed for >7 years.
Back to the usual TV programs that will devour your soul if you watch them week after week.
Oh well...let the soul rot begin!


Celebrating Singapore

Ok...let's get the photos out of the way first shall we?

Singapore Club's National Day Ball 2008

Singapore National Day Ball 2008

It has been a while since I wrote something.
Finally got some time (and patience) to sit at my computer, upload the photos and post it up here. It has been a very weird time these past few weeks.
Busy yet not insanely busy.
Tiring yet not overly overwhelming.
Sleepy...you get the idea.

And as usual...a long period of self-discovery. Rousing thoughts of regret and loneliness but yet not all that bad. Knowing the cause of a problem can lead to means of finding my own version of happiness...or at least...some form of peace.

All this somehow links up with being all patriotic about being Singaporean. I love being Singaporean. Happy to be Singaporean. The Olympics allowed me to present myself in that light. To support the Singapore table tennis team even if almost everyone else didn't give them credit or at least...have some faith that they might have had a chance to get Gold.

Lindsay brought up a good point. Most Singaporeans are very negative people. Focusing on the Bad first before even considering the Good. The lack of faith is horrible. Some might retort "It's not about faith...but about being practical". HA! Having faith in something means NOT being practical. IF more people had some faith...or perhaps a little more prayer somewhere along the line, our hopes and well wishes might have reached the Singapore Team.

Another interesting read just this week was PM Lee's National Day Rally Speech. Mainly about how young Singaporeans need to start pairing up and start families. About how the government attempt to help.
It was quite amusing.
More amusing was a blog entry I found from Tomorrow.sg that commented on that part of the PM's Address.
It can be found HERE.
Just read it...it's great.

Taking the day off tomorrow to take a proper break (esp since I was in the office last Wednesday on EKKA Holiday). Taxes and personal accounts need to be done as well. SIGH. Gonna try and really get my home buying going so I'll need to get all my paperwork and money in order. Growing Pains! HAHA

Having just watched "Princess Diaries 2" on DVD again...I finish this new entry with thoughts of Destiny and perhaps...even the possibility of True Love on my mind. Hopefully I'll have a great dream.

Gdnight! ;)


Insanely Photos

Okaaay....Photo Time:
Click on the Photos to get to each collection.

Before I left for Singapore

Dinner @ Silver Charm

When I went back for Weixin & Wendy's Wedding

Singapore in May

Chetan's Birthday BBQ/Party

Chetan's Birthday

Birthday of Yours Truly

My 28th Birthday

Bday Pressie - Gundam LiuBei

Gundam of the 3 Kingdoms


Unexpected Surprise

An interesting read. More like unexpected. Enjoy and were you surprised as you got the the 10th listed place?




I am now 28 yrs and 1 day old...it feels the same.
It has been the same for the past few years. I want to be all celebratory and go "WOOHOO....PARTY!!!"...but it did not happen. Maybe I am older...less into the energetic celebrations and prefer a quieter, simpler celebration of the day I was inflicted upon this world. Haha.

It has felt...somewhat mundane to celebrate my own birthday for so long. Amidst my bestest friends taking the trouble of arranging a totally great dinner and on another night cooked for me (not to mention giving me a pair of fish which I hope won't die on me)...I feel un-needing of such things being done on my behalf.
Maybe I can even say that I don't really want to have celebrations of any kind.
Or maybe it's the depression talking. :P (of course I am not diagnosed with any kind of affliction but it just feels depressing)

I love my friends and family and (I hope...well...I know) they love me as well. But what I (suspect) have been lacking is similar to my reason for not going to WYD. There is no one to share these moments with. What I mean here is a deeper sense of sharing...a connection to another person...to be acknowleged as someone who can be loved.

Most people might not understand this feeling of "never being loved". It is usually not completely true...most of us got family and friends who love us. But in many ways...that kind of love is different. A person can be loved because he/she is family or he/she is the type of person you consider a friend. But somehow...it feels somewhat lacking in many areas. Just because there is still some aspect of you that is not accepted...not attractive enough...or just simply not enough to be loved.

Maybe it IS the age talking. Amidst the world around us...the violence, the wars, the petty arguements, the religions, the sexuality, the self-righteousness...I am perhaps very confused about everything as well. With so many friends finding happiness in their own way...I am confused as to why I haven't found a little corner of happiness for myself. Not the lack of trying...sort of.

Maybe the fish (Yin & Yang) given to me just might have the answers I seek.


Missing World Youth Day Again

Sigh...For once...WYD is so near (physically), but I'll need to pass on it again.
So many reasons but the main bit is because I don't want to go alone. I got no one to go with, no one to ask to go along with. Only upon reflection did I realise I don't have many friends who are Catholic over here. In fact, none of my close inner circle are Catholic or practicing Catholics to be more precise.

WYD is supposed to be an event of self-realisation. An experience...perhaps...of a lifetime. If I go alone...this great experience can't be shared with anyone. It feels like I am making this choice cos of mundane reasons but it really sucks to go alone. Not to mention...VERY COLD.


What do you think (2 Cover Songs)

Well...what do you think about these 2 songs?
Please do comment.

20 Good Reasons

powered by ODEO

So Close

powered by ODEO

Cough, Choke, Wheez (ver. lost-count)

Coughing like a madman...and the meds are no longer working.
Is this body breaking?
Are these signs?
I want to get better...completely.


Positive Thinking VS Real Life

As usual...it has been a while since I wrote.
Not for the lack of something to write about.
Things are happening all the time...just this past weekend, there was a housewarming, then a birthday party, club meeting and then a brief but productive recording session out in whoop-whoop (Make an educated guess).

But as I am sitting here at my desk, with an episode of "No Reservations" playing in the background, all I can think of is what a fellow ex-co member mentioned to me after the meeting just now; words of hope, of "the best case scenario", of positive thinking.
HA! I so want to believe in those words. Many others have fortified the sentiment with similar words in the past but it comes back to experience...my own experience in life...Real Life.

Things aren't a bed of roses. And what you ask/hope/pray for doesn't always happen. People always do what you expect of them...but only when it pertains to the bad things. Of course there are cases to the exception...not often though.
So should I look forward to those rare cases when cynicism fails and the 'good' prevail? I wonder indeed.

On a side note: still trying to decide whether to go for World Youth Day or not. ARGH!


Crouching Tiger

Can't believe I actually woke up to watch the PGA US Open Finals Playoff.
Sleepy now.
Tiger Woods won! YAY!
Unspectacular though.
Not one of those moments where you would've gone "WOW!!!!"
The other guy (Rocco Mediate) choked on the final hole...but they DID play to a draw to the 18th and then to sudden death.


Article to Share

Ok ok...I know I havent been writing. MAJOR case of laziness...but I love to share stuff so enjoy this read.

Getting by in Singapore - Economist.com


Dangers of Mobile Phones

Just HAD to share this.


Always Around the Corner Waiting

Always around the corner waiting for me...is a bug waiting to make me sick.
Go to Singapore...sick.
Come back to Brissy...sick.


A Few More Hours

Sigh...I dislike this kinda countdowns..."Hrs Left in XX"
So I will be gone in less than 10 hrs.
I will miss you my love...my darling.
My body leaves but my heart has always been here with you.
Miss Me!


Miss Me Dearly

Sigh....one more day left in SG before rushing back to Brissy.
To this country and the people I care for:

"Miss me...for I shall Miss you Dearly"

All the things I will leave behind again.
All the joys and struggles I cannot share with you all.
I regret not being there...not about to be there.
Keep me close to your heart and I shall keep you close to mine as well.
And Farewell!


Hell In The Tropics

The HEAT!!!!
I can't stand the HEAT!!!!
I am sweating bucket loads everyday...sigh!!!
Maybe I'll be lighter when I go back cos it'll be like being in a sauna for 6 days here. (Nah...unlikely)
Help meeeeeeee....


Tonight I Leave You Baby

Brissy Baby!!!
I am leaving tonight.
I feel so insecure...so hesistant.
Will you forgive me for leaving?
I'll be back soon....real soon.
Don't forget me.
Love me like you always have...


The Visit of the Chua [Part 1]

I am sneezing like a madman suffering from fits.
Probably thanks to a certain 'visitor' leaving the bug behind before going back to his nest....HAHAHA...THANKS CHUA :P

So Chua paid a visit to Brissy from Perth starting 2 weeks ago. Just a bit after Debbs and Ames came by as well. Nicely timed to Labour Day here in QLD...but only got here at the morning after so there wasn't really much time to go out and enjoy ourselves. (The rest of us gotta work as well)

After dropping off his bags, we had breakfast at Maccas before I rushed off to work...very late. It was fun...something I usually neglect to do cos I am rushing to work anyways. After that...the rest of the week was mostly having dinner with other friends who wanna catch up with him. Nothing really special - Chua WAS here to relax and take a break so it was all good. But all this 'slacking' was only leading up to the main event...so to speak...of this trip. The overnight camp out in the wilderness.

The plan was to go to Moreton Island and camp overnight there but after some deliberation, planning, and organising (mostly by Chua), we were heading to the Benarkin State Forest where there was a camping ground and camp fires were allowed. (Photos in earlier post) It was super good fun. The drive up to the site was sorta normal except the constant pitstops we took.

First...we took the wrong road and ended up in Redcliffe...not that bad cos we ended up having a nice lunch there. Mervyn and Chua had the seafood pack and I had one of the best fish burgers in my life. (DOWN WITH FILLET-O-FISH)
Next we stopped at Caboolture for the final supply pitstop where we picked up more potable water, chocolates and a bottle of wine. (Hahaha...camping with wine...classic!)

The rest of the drive was the best road trip since...who knows when. Our road directory stopped at Caboolture and we winged the rest of the journey. Using only road signs to guide us. (We DID ask one person for directions back onto the highway at Kilcoy) 3 guys on the road...noisy and practically burning each other senseless (I was anyways...mwahahaha)...and the best part was just to come.

We finally reached the edge of the forest and have to go off the sealed roads and onto 4WD territory. Man!...the vehicle we rented (albeit 4WD) was NOT meant for going off road. We bumped and shook all over the place even though we drove at a dizzying 20-40kph. A full 14km off dirt road before we reached the first campsite. The view was great of course...but still...ouch, cough, wheez. Anyways, the first campsite was deserted...no one was there but we decided to drive to the next one (there were only 2) since we couldn't find the firewood there and the place seemed very exposed. Another 10 mins on the road, we got the the 2nd campsite.
NICE!!! The place was huge...the designated campfire sites were nicely spaced apart, there was firewood right there and we werent totally alone. There was another couple camping there but we decided to find our own corner and set up camp.

(to be continued...)


I Should Write

I should really be writing about Chua's visit to Brisbane.
2 week's worth of updates....DAAAAAMN.
Soon soon...maybe sometime tomorrow.
When I take a break @ work.


Firstly...the Peektures

Let's have the pictures first shall we?
Will write about the camping trip soon.

First...Buddha's Birthday Festival in Southbank 2 weeks back:

Buddha's Birthday 2008 - Southbank

And of course...the Camping Trip to Benarkin State Forest:

Camping Trip - Benarkin State Forest


Return From Blackbutt

(more like Benarkin State Forest)
Sleepy...tired...just wanna go to bed.
We are back in Brissy...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN
Photos and update to follow...but...not...now...zzzzzz


A Camping We Will Go

Hmm....tomorrow we'll be going camping.
Some place called "Black Butt"?
Hahaha...don't ask. I dunno anything.
Chua planned it all...I still think something will come up short but hey...let's try to put a positive outlook on it.
Time to feed the wildlife.


KEN LEE!!!!! A Classic

LOL...This is Legend

Can't stop laughing!!!


The Head Aches

The back of my head hurts...it hurts whenever I swallow and it even randomly stings.
Almost didnt come into work today but fortunately I did.
Lotsa stuff arrived today.
Now got another headache...how to transport all of it home?


Even Mo Photos

More photos from the SG Club High Tea

SG Club of QLD High Tea

The Kopi Shop Boys

After that we went to Justin's new pad and chilled before heading to The Manor for supper. This is what I found.

You're Fired!!!


Mo Photos

Ok...some photos over the past week or so.

Photo taken at Nadia's for Easter

Mt Coot-tha with Ames, Debs and Mervyn


Too Full

Now I feel too full...




Ok...first thing to say...I fixed the "comments" link so please do start commenting again...hahaha.

Next thing...I GOT MY RAISE!!!!!!


High Tea Madness

I am so sleepy. Just concentrating to write is almost beyond my reach. Heh.
Had the Singapore Club High Tea today.
It was soooo busy.
Madiq, Chetan and myself were mending the drinks stall and it was almost chaotic. So many people...so many drinks...so many orders...ARGH!!!
I now know how the kopi shop uncles feel man.
Dunno how they tehan! :S
Gonna go to bed very soon.

Debs and Ames left yesterday.
Brisbane is quiet again...hahahaha....joking!
But I miss them lots. It was reminisce of the times back when we were all still students. The rush...the madness...the noise.
But that's in the past...we have all 'grown up' and moved forward with our lives (well...some of us). Having short breaks from the daily toil and having fun like we used to was great. I loved the time spent.
It was the best time I had this whole year.
Not discounting the rest but for now...the past week tops all...one reason or another.
Can't wait for the next 'break'.


Reality Checkmate

So I am home today.
Took the day off because I wanted a break from work and well...I am cooking for 12 people tonight so I gotta spend some time preparing and buying the groceries as well.
Feeling somewhat numb all over again.

A Reality Check is what I got a few days back.
The story is as such:
Debbie and Amy are in town and have been since last Friday.
So since that day...I have accompanied them on certain parts of their holiday.
Went to the Casino for brunch/lunch with them and AC&UM, to the gold coast for dinner as well as a Glow Worm Tour with Debs on Monday night. Tuesday night dinner with them and Nadia at the Purple Olive. Wednesday dinner at Singapura, Mt Coot-that and 3 Monkeys. And tonight...I'll be cooking for the bunch of them.

It has been fun. Really fun. Tiring as it may be.
This few days has been the highlight of my year.
But something has been biting into my chest since last week. It has been great to spend time...REAL time...with her again. But there was this invisible wall between us. Sigh!

The guys have been telling me to move on...to give up that little emotion that I still hold onto. All logic tells me to as well. She is not into me. She has someone else back home...someone who probably gives her the happiness that I want to give her. But...but...ARGH...I can't. I tried to suppress and forget. I tried indulging in other things and focus myself on other things.
I tried.
I tried and failed.
I don't want to lie to myself.
I still love her.
But there is nothing I can do about it.
It takes 2 hands to clap and all that jazz...etc

I want to reject this present reality and substitute my own.
How can I do that?
I want that manual to life's problems so I know what I can do right now.
It is truly impossible to get someone to love you back?
Are all pairings pre-destined in the stars...in our stars?
I want to win this game of chess with fate.
And hold her in my arms and protect her best that I can.
To bring that smile to her face everyday.
The smile I remember so clearly in my mind.
I want to make this Reality Checkmate.



The cycle doesn't end
It never ends
To then Fro
Up then Down
Left then Right
Gone then Back again
It just never ends
The same pains
Same old hurt
Nothing ever changes
The cuts don't bring fresh pain
Just the same old wounds over and over again
This cycle hasn't ended
It feels like it has been so long
It HAS been so long
I am helpless
Perhaps I deserve this
A never-ending cycle of hurt, retribution, solitude
Tomorrow I live the day I had Yesterday
Never knowing a new dawn
A dawn I just can't see
No matter what I do
Everything is a waste
All fruitless
Experience has taught me to halt
Seeking peace is all in vain
Maybe it's time to end
Finally time to carve memories into stone
And join the dark of night
To rejoin the cycle
The cycle of pain


Norwegian Recycling

My sis introduced me to this set of Youtube vids.
Mixing songs/melodies with identical beats into a medley...its so cool.

The Colour That Is You

Was gonna write about my mood at the moment but the profile below really does put it very clearly.
Your ColorGenics profile has been generated below...

Name: Bernard
Date: 4/4/2008
Colorgenics Number: 41352706

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want. The good times are just around the corner.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.


The Familiar Mitsubishi Challenge

The article with the contestants' photos can be found here:

Why the focus on this article?
Well...at first...I only thought I knew TK from Cowboybar was on the show...but after looking at the contestants in detail...I went OMG!!!!!

I know 2 more people in the show!!!
Su-anne was my classmate from CJC!!!
And I am almost sure I know Leonard from CJC as well...ARGH!!!!

I just couldn't take my eyes off the screen for a good 5 mins, to make sure they were the people I knew.
We lost contact over the years, like so many others, but DAAAAAAMN....haha
To find them again on TV?
That's just too unreal.


The Lonely Starlit Sky

Mystified...the city night sky brightened by stars usually hidden amidst the glow of the neon lights and the bright burning glare of the city scape.
I stared in awe just as I was onlooking the state of Brisbane city on the night of Earth Hour.
I wanted to shout out to the people to look up at the sky...this beautiful starscape almost never seen by people living in the city. I craved to share the heavens with someone I loved, someone I can hold in my arms right at that moment.
Maybe one day...that scene might play out.
But while I wait...I stood alone...gazing into the heavens...wishing upon those stars.


Cold Lamentations



Photos Photos Photos

Ok...Finally done.
Spent the better part of the night doing this cos the Internet kept dropping out.

Mervyn's Housewarming

Nadia's Birthday

Dinner @ Singapura

World's Greatest Shave 2008

Saint Patrick's Day @ UM&AC's

And of course...after all that...the final photo is of me...Me...ME!!!
Look...no Hair!


Photos Coming Soon

Been to lazy from the weekend to upload photos yet.
All in my desktop already.
Tonight lor...yaaaaawn
Hungry...I need food.



Just in the office waiting for time to pass.
It's after 5 but I am hanging around so I don't have to run around the place.
Gonna go straight to the Pig and wait for people to show up.
A little anxiety is setting in but I know inside there is nothing to be anxious about.

Getting their head shaved is a big to some people and it would be for me if not because of it being somewhat familiar with the experience.
3 years ago I went through the same thing.
Back then...it was more of a fun thing, something that I did while having a great time with her. Now...it feels more real.

Heard from Madiq that his colleague's 4year old daughter recently got diagnosed with Leukeamia. It's crap you know? For a kid to have to go through that. It's crap for anyone to go through that.

Why this charity instead of the rest of the myriad of charities for diseases? I dunno. I have no personal experience with this disease or know of anyone personally with this affliction but perhaps because it's right here in front of me? Perhaps it requires some form of commitment as a sign of support instead of just giving money? Perhaps it was just the timing. Doesn't hurt when I like their T-shirts.

Maybe...just maybe...things might change.


Shave for a Cure - Come! Partake in Charity

Well...the time is here again.
The Leukaemia Foundation's "World's Greatest Shave" Weekend is coming.

Link: http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/

It's this weekend actually.
So I decided to make an event out of it.
Already invited friends to partake in my shaving "ritual" planning for tomorrow evening at the Pig "n" Whistle.

It's for a good cause, I can try to get people to donate some money for it, and at the same time (selfishly) get a hair cut (it's not free BTW...LOL).

Gotta say...it works out well with timing. Haven't done this since 3 years ago and it felt right to go for it again. Even better...I am in this "renewal and refresh" stage of this year/my life and this coincides with the whole "change" factor. Take it as cleansing of old and past, embracing the present and welcoming the future.

So join me there ok?
I will be at the Pig "N" Whistle (Riverside, Brisbane) from 6.00pm (I'll get myself "shaved" by 7).
Join me for drinks, take photos, and then dinner afterwards, probably in the Valley.
And $1 is donated to Charity for every drink sold till 8pm.

New Layout Soon? Plus DILBERT!!!

HAHAHA...this arc in Dilbert is funny.
Added the widget on the side bar (scroll down a little la)

Thinking of changing the layout of this place again soon...we'll see la.
A plainer white layout might be nice.



I don't like to be in the office!!! (for now anyways)


Update Part2

*Try 2*

My memory is really bad siah. But I think nothing much happened over the next bit or so. Got my Home Loan application started [InnerVoice: Of which I still haven't gotten the paperwork...GRRRR...wondering about the reliability of this guy already] and then...OH! The 2 parties and a home cooked dinner.

The first party was Joel's Margarita party. As with most parties held @ Joel's, then night ended with more chilling around than 'party', which is good in many many ways. Haha...sedentary in my older age. But it was lots of fun. I brought my Wii guitar over and we jammed for most of the night. Joel's other friends were mostly involved in the juggling/fire twirling/performing scene so there was lots of throwing stuff around and catching...you know what I mean. So without actually ending up drunk and unable to trot home, the night ended very nicely.

Now, the 2nd party in question was a totally different scene. Potluck/Dinner/Chill out at Chetan's. And as with above...this party did not turn out the way we thought. It was supposed to be a relaxed, chill out gathering with good food and good company, but it ended up a large and noisy (and perhaps sinful) bash! Haha. Not that I am objecting...but timing sucked big time here and I was not in the right mood to party. I was worried about my mum and I felt helpless to a point. :( So while some of the group ended up continuing the party in the city...I went home to be with my thoughts. :P

One thing that came out of that night was Chetan's request for KTV, which we did...the following night...out of a whim. Too bad Chetan was not able to join us but just last friday...we went again and this time, with Chetan in tow. Haha...BEST LA!!!

Oh...and the dinner...well...had a chat with Nadia about catching up 2 weeks ago and it ended up me inviting the gang over for curry on Monday night. It was fun. Had 2 types...fish and chicken. Mmmmm....the fish could've been better but the chicken curry was superb la! :) Then on Thursday I decided to go cook another batch of fish curry to improve upon the recipe. It was better but still missing something...I dunno what though. :S

So finally...here I am on a Monday afternoon at work and after about 3-4 tries...finally completed my updates. Hahaha...still have lots of say but I'll leave it for later.


The Long Awaited (and Requested) Update

So...why haven't I written anything substantial for so long?
Well...it's mainly because I was lazy to write [InnerVoice: but not due to the lack of thoughts and events] or when I am sitting in front of the computer, the whole act of typing down something I was thinking about/reflecting upon moments ago seemed so...cumbersome.
Anyways...back to the update:

Erm....[IV: see what happens? You're finally here typing and nothing comes to mind. This is gonna take a few tries]...

*Try 1*
So how long has it been since I wrote anything that mattered? Over a month?
Makes sense...it has been about that long since I got back from Singapore. So many things have happened over the past few weeks...but its so hard to recall them all. [IV: that's because you were never able to recall anything in the first place]
Let's see...Chetan's house party that went out of hand, Joel's Margarita Party, KTV [IV: WOOHOO!!!], the Andy Worhal Exhibit, Rivercity's power outage [IV: (ANGER)], Singapore Club's Chup Gor Mei Dinner, my Home Loan, my Mom falling and injuring herself [IV: :(], curry dinner with the gang, and...and...many more? I don't think I'll write about everything that has happened [IV: too lazy] but let's bring on the highlights I guess.

One of the first things that I got to do when I got back proper is to arrange with Nadia and Joel to go for the Andy Warhol exhibit at the GoMA. It was so-so. The man's stuff is really good, not to mention iconic but it never really inspired me before. But you just HAVE to go have a look for yourself. It might just spark a hidden creativity inside you. [IV: But you thought that people who were in line were all pretentious and were there only to join in the crowd] Anyways...it was a great day out. Walked over to Southbank (yes...walked...not bus...not taxi) and the weather was just nice. The exhibit was surprisingly small though. I was expecting more...like a-few-floors more. But it was very disappointing when we go to the end of the trail and we were still on the ground floor.

Of course by this time, Lindsay was already back in SG for CNY. I was alone...very alone at home. I must have mentioned this to some people but it isn't that I didn't have anyone to talk to. I mean...there are days when I am home and I just exile myself to my bedroom and even not see my housemate for a day or two, but knowing that there is someone else in the home is what makes this place bearable. So I tried to keep myself busy. Cleaning, throwing things out of the fridge (but this is because of the planned power outage), calling people out for dinner so I don't have to stay in the apartment. On a side note, that's why I can't buy a 1-bedroom apartment. Definitely 2-bedroom or more. The isolation of living alone will either kill me or bankrupt me.

Getting back to the power outage...Rivercity had to be turned off (literally) for 2 nights back in February. Something about switching generators I think. The first night was bearable. It was a cool night and so I slept nicely. But when I said power outage...I mean power outage. No power...nothing...nada. The fridge was dead, the water died soon after, nothing. BUT...the emergency stuff were still powered...and so like all things that happen everyday, 10 mins after the power went out, the fire alarm went off. #$%^)&^%#%#&#!!! And it didn't settle till 20-30mins later. Some glitch. I feel sorry for those people (if any) who actually went down as per protocol. Don't forget...no power to the lifts either. The 2nd night was a little annoying...it was a warm night. PLUS it was the night of the Chup Gor Meh dinner. So after spending a night out at Singapura, I rushed back (thanks to Justin) in time before the power was cut again for the night. I felt totally crappy the next day cos I slept only a couple of hrs the previous night. YAAAAWN...

(to be continued...)


A (Un)Healthy Year for All???

Read this http://health.asiaone.com/Health/News/Story/A1Story20080121-45954.html

Is EVERYONE going to be sick or dying this year?
This person is either very very negative with his predictions or we are all doooooooomed!!!


From RWT: Eyes Towards Home This Festive Season

A post I wrote at Red, White & Traveling that I felt needed to be here as well.


The smell of "Bakua" fills my nostrils with heavenly aromas.
The smell of incense along the street sides fueled by offerings for a Prosperous and Fortune-filled year ahead.
The noisy streets filled with shopping-crazed people waiting for a bargain.
The mad rush to buy snacks and biscuits from the street vendors immediately after the clock strikes 12 on Chinese New Year.
Televisions blasting all over the neighborhood with variety shows celebrating and welcoming the lunar new year.
The clamoring of mahjong tiles deep into the night.
All things that I will miss this year again while I am away from home in a different and foreign land.

This is another year when I am not home during this Festive season. When everyone is getting ready for the new year. Getting haircuts, buying new clothes, cleaning out the house and preparing for a "feast" with family on the eve of the new year.
Another year when we (the ones without family here) have to make our own plans to gather with the 'family' of friends that depend on one another here to get that sense of 'closeness' that we get back home.

I miss being back home. How many of you feel the same?
It's never about the amount of time you spend there during your breaks or holidays, but it's about being there. It's about being part of it all.
Over here...it just feels different somehow.
Even amongst the Lion Dance and Firecrackers you can experience in Chinatown or eating the same food you can get back home, I still look fondly towards home this season...hoping I was there.


>> Fast Forward

Ever felt that need for a [Fast Forward] button in your life?
That same feeling you get when you are bored of a section of a DVD or just want to view the highlights of a soccer match? It feels like that right now.
In fact, I think I am set on some sort of loop in my "Life Reel".
Same old story over and over again.

Reminds me of the movie "Click". What if are given a remote that allows you to control EVERYTHING around you? What will you do?
Will you rewind to a point to change things?
Will you fast forward to the future to have a peek?
Will you delete certain sections from ever happening?
I have thought about doing all of the above before.
Can't blame me for living in my own "Kingdom above the clouds".
I have always lived my life through the Movies, Musicals, Plays, Anime, etc etc that I have come across.
Life is almost never the same...but it doesn't hurt to have a template on which to do things no?
I don't like Horror/Thrillers because I don't wanna have those templates.
This probably explains why my DVD collection is mostly (if not completely) funny, romantic, and heroic. All things I strive to be.

A friend mentioned recently that I should stop having an "image" of how things should play out, because when they don't...I'll get depressed. But what is wrong with that "perfect scenario" always at the back of your head? It's what makes us Human...that "Hope" and "Faith" that everything will be alright. This also reminds me of a conversation I had with another friend long long ago. It was about whether I should change myself and my plans for someone I had feelings for. The conclusion (well...more like his insistence) was that I should just stay myself. Someone will appreciate "me" one day. I sooooo wanna press that [>>FF] button to that point right now.

But therein lies the problem as well. If I did that...then I might not appreciate her when I do meet her. To have hurt, pain and disappointment from past experiences probably will let me realise how much of a gift she will be to me. See? Isn't this soooo like the movies? SIGH.

But who will I end up in my own personal "Movie"?
The Hero?
The Villain?
The Side-kick?
A happy ending awaiting or just a pitiful existence?
I guess not even a [>>FF] button can change that.



So cute!!!!!!!
Makes me just wanna...(evil laughter)



My Other Time Waster

Haha...well...wonder what else I do in my free time?
I go into a forum and spend my precious time chatting with other people.

Anyways...The CowBoyBar (tt's the name) is re-launching and as requested...this is a plug for the forum.
Anyone interested in meeting or chatting with new people (mostly very very interesting...and usually very horny...HAHA) please check it out!

It can be found at http://cowboybar.liquidblade.com/.

My nick in the forum (for now) is gunmetal:red
So look me up!


A Little "Less" For Wear

There are days when I feel like I shouldn't have made changes to what fate has arranged for me. Today is one of them. I should've been back in Brissy on Sunday. But because I meddled...the date was changed to a week later. (With the help of great people of course)

Just a "low" I guess. Started slow in the morning and then dragged myself over to the National Museum to finish off the "tour" of the main gallery. Finally able to watch and go through all the remaining displays and videos. Really learnt (more like re-learnt) the history of my own country. The place where I grew up...no matter how screwed up I am...it is home. And I find myself aligned to this place very well. No matter how society here has taken "Status" and "Pay Scale" as benchmark for comparing one to the next person (something I detest), it might not be enough to tear me away totally. Home is...well...Home.

Tired and sleepy and a very early start tomorrow morning.
I feel like...crap.
Like I said at the beginning...it has been a bad-ish day...I feel a little "Less". Less of what? Dunno...just..."Less".

I want to feel "More"! More to live for...more to look forward to...more things to love and care for. What can I do to get that? I still feel the "monster" there. I need to slay it. I just need a little help.


Survivor Singapore: Hedonism Island

So let's see...firstly update from my last visit at about...a week ago?
The week has been pretty packed actually...so packed it just disappeared.

Monday was SUPER cos of the KTV session (photos to hopefully follow soon) and the best company of people to be with la. Debs, Ames and Merv; a few people missing but I can't complain ;).

Tuesday was more of catchup with the "family". Finally had a chance to meet up with Greg and Jo for dinner. Jo was late (according to Greg...a normal thing) but we went to Le Maisons(?) in "The Central" beside Clark Quay for dinner. Sort of a cross between Japanese and Western Cuisine. NICE. Then we proceeded to Brew Works(?) for drinks. Totally fun and nostalgic. The family (Jo being the Father, Greg the normal son and me, the retarded son :P) back together again for a night of catching up and suaning (mostly at my expense). It's no wonder I turned out a little screwed up...hahaha....all the teasing as a kid must have done some damage. (OI! you guys are responsible!)

Wednesday was another solid day. Caught the restage of "Beauty World" at the Esplanade courtesy of Debs. But immediately before that, had coffee with Nat and Merv and his sister Eileen at Starbucks, Raffles City. Anyways...back to the musical. Was totally distracted in the first half cos I need the toilet. Irritating la. We were late cos of the place we had dinner at. It was slow and we only made the show by seconds and only by running to the theatre. :S
We then spent time eating and stuffing ourselves at Glutton's Bay beside the Esplanade till about 2am. We were soooo tired but tt's what was fun about it. Good friends and good company cannot deter the primal need for sleep.

On Thursday, had dinner with Kent, Serene, Dao, Melissa and Weixin joined us later for coffee. Another gang of people I LOVE to hang out with. Sigh. It just made me miss the days back in Brissy when everyone was still there...hanging out...partying. Gone are the days of being students. Everyone is moving on. Getting married...planning to get married...ARGH. Driving me nuts!

Friday I received great news. Aunt Pat, Debs's mum, found me a flight for next Sunday. WOOHOO!!! I don't need to rush like a madman anymore and I get a chance to spend more time with a select few people ;). Plus I can go through the Tourist's List of Things to do. Going for a few exhibits at the Museum for example. Heh.
Had afternoon tea with Aunt Pat and Merv at Parkway Parade (another place that is nostalgic from my childhood). We had a good chat, the 3 of us. Very very enjoyable.
Dinner was spent with some people from CowBoyBar. It was my first time meeting some of them so it was exciting and interesting. Had steamboat over at East Coast. (amazing how I am already in the area) Mmmmmm.....the food was gooooood. I think I ate too much. Hahahaha.

And today...stayed indoors for most of the day. My nose is totally irritated from a Cold and I just wanted to sleep. So I did. Even pushed my family dinner to a family lunch tomorrow. But I eventually succumbed to my stomach growling and went down to the coffee shop alone for some makan.
Wow...talk about indulging in absolute gastronomical pleasure. Ok la...not THAT hedonistic but close enough.
Fried Beehoon with Ice Milo followed shortly after with Hokkien Mee with a glass of Iced Lemon Tea. It was at that point that I realised that staying in Singapore might be dangerous for me. Food is tooooooo easily accessible. OMG!
I was stuffed and satisfied and decided to write a bit. (thus this entry)

I wonder if staying around longer for a few days will cause me more harm or not.
The events to be uncovered over the next week will tell.


Prelude to Bliss

It has been a busy day.
Eugene, a classmate from CJC, got married today.
I am so envious...haha...maybe? I dunno.

I got involved with everything only from last night actually.
When we finally met up to have the video tested on my laptop and to go through the schedule for today. Would've written something last night but just didnt feel up to it then.

But today...some of the other guys (Kenneth, Lenard and Alvin) had a super early morning helping out with the tea ceremony. I slowly got out of bed and reached Immaculate Heart of Mary at around 9.30am. From then...it was a mad rush to get things set up...test PA systems and in-house projectors that refused to work no matter what I threw at it.

But somehow....amidst all the setbacks and last minute planning (play-by-ear mostly), everything worked out. God blessed indeed. I mean...even when we found out that the video for the dinner portion of the program was not working...eventually we were able to solve the issue and even work out some new hiccups (a missing music CD) along the way.

It was so fun meeting up with the old classmates again. The few of them have definitely grown closer together and built a great friendship back here...back home. Something I regret not being able to be part of. But that's another story for another time. Back to Eugene and Akiko's Wedding.

Siiiiiiigh...They looked so happy together. I guess I really am envious. To have made so many memories with each other and have so many things to show for. To have been there for each other for the past 6 yrs...from strangers to friends and now...a married couple. And it's only the beginning of their lives. I never thought that I would actually yearn for that so much.

I guess we (we as in everyone?) all crave what we find most lacking from our lives. So what am I lacking? Someone to share my life with? Someone to love and cherish for the rest of my life...for richer or poor...thru sickness and in health...till death separates us. Is this "condition" a prelude to possible Bliss?


A New Year Un-Resolution

Something you gain when one year passes and another begins.
What have I done last year that I can be proud of?
Nothing particular comes to mind immediately.
That really does reveal the tone of the whole year gone by.
(Maybe this is just because I have not slept since 2 nights ago and am now very very very slooooooow)

I don't think I got the energy to write anything long today so I'll just say this.
For the year 2008, I strive to NOT expect anything from the year ahead.
Not to resolve to do anything constructive or imaginative.
Just live everyday normally and with nothing great planned.

Maybe this way...something positively memorable might actually happen.