Creep - Radiohead

When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,

but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.


Damien WON!!!!!!

Damien won Australian Idol 2006!!!!
The guy I featured a few weeks back WON!!!!
Every week since then he has outperformed my expectations and got better and better.
It really does show that nothing is fixed in this world.
Jessica who looked the prime contestant to win didnt and this person whom we coined 'Auntie Killer' won!
Miracles do happen...as long as we believe they might.
Damien did I guess...and all his supporters as well...
Ah...what a night to remember.


Something fun to lighten up your day

In the spirit of sharing (as pointed out by Gav)...have fun



Another Farnie Video

Not new but I found it only recently.

Siiiigh....Nice Song

Stumbled upon TK's Blog and found this song on one of his entries.


The Great Sago Saga II

Heh...like all things...there are sequels and tonight...it was no different.
Finally went to buy HONEYDEW...lol.
And so I attempted the sago another time.
Fortunately...Lindz invited the gang over for dinner so I got my controlled test group.
Made everything again, making changes to the original recipe based on feedback from last night.
The reviews were good but even that didnt really made me satisfied with it. There was something missing.
You might laugh at this but I think it is missing love.
Up till now, the process is very mechanical. Making sure I added enough of this or left that in the heat to a very strict amount of time...etc etc.
But there wasnt anyone in mind when I made the dessert.
Dont get me wrong...I knew I was making it for my best friends and family...but it is a different type of love.
It is missing passion.

Prepped and Ready to serve

Finally...HONEYDEW Sago

So when I return home, perhaps the recipe will be perfected. All I can hope is to find the final ingredient.

*PS: I need a kitchen as well...any volunteers?*

The Great Sago Saga

So here I am on a Saturday night having absolutely nothing to do...so what did I come up with? Make Honeydew Sago...ah...but a problem was at hand indeed...instead of Honeydew, I idiotically bought Rock Melon instead. So what became of the finished product was Rock Melon Sago instead...and the reviews are quite ok...hehehehe.

Started this afternoon actually...with lunch at Mervyn's and then a sudden thought to make the sago tonight...so Jeff drove me down to the local asian grocer and we bought the stuff needed to make the magical concoction for the night.

First, I had to cook the sago...which turned out pretty alright actually...kinda proud of myself for a first attempt.

Saga ala bowl
Picture of Sago in a bowl

Next, the Rock Melon was cut up into small pieces.

Chopped Rock Melon
Picture of chopped Rock Melon in a bowl

After that, the coconut "soup" was made with coconut milk, sugar, salt, and a few pieces of rock melon boiled together until they became this elixer. (too bad couldn't find pandan leaves...else even more solid)

Coconut "Soup"
Picture of coconut soup

So with all three components made and ready...all that was needed to complete the night were people to come and be my guinea pigs. (hehehehe)

Picture of the 3 components

Nadia, Mervyn, Jeff, Justin came down to have a try. Mervyn felt it needed to be colder (sadly there was not enough time for the thing to be chilled in the fridge) and sweeter (Nadia liked it the way it was though). I was pretty happy with the results...heheh.


And for those of you who missed it...here's how the finished product looked like.

Rock Melon Sago 1

Rock Melon Sago 2

Rock Melon Sago 3

Want some? (evil grin)


A Social Divide

I usually dont agree with what most Singaporean politicians have to say but this one actually does go in line with what I personally believe.

Source: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/240301/1/.html

It basically mentioned the growing social divide within the Singaporean community back home. Where the smart and the successful are given different priorities and privileges as compared to the rest of the nation. How special attention and (almost complete) ego-boosting is given to this "Elite" group in Singapore. I know...I was one of them once.

My personal experiences is when I was in Junior College in Singapore and it was started off with a simple speech that included the line "You are the top 20% of Singapore". It didnt mean much to me at that time but thinking back, we were almost brainwashed into thinking that it was actually true. How wrong was that system? Segregating the youth of the nation into categories such as the Streaming system we used to have and now the "Band" system. Isnt it just another means to seperate the "bad" seeds away from the "good" ones?

This doesnt just stop in the education system of course. Recently, after chatting with a few other Singaporeans over here, I learnt that Singapore was beginning to welcome back Singaporeans who have been overseas for a long time. Ah! But what conditions were attached to this "welcome"? I wondered indeed. I cannot confirm this as yet (and I will attempt to resolve this lack of real info in the near future), but I was led to believe that only the "Elite" and "Talented" are welcomed back. Now isnt that a blatant double standard? If that is true, then it goes against everything I believe. In equal opportunity. If you truly want to welcome people back, it should be open to anyone who wants to...not just selected individuals. They might as well send them personalised letters of invitation and not tell the rest of the world.

It really sucks to be in a world where people give double/triple/multiple standards to different groups. It is a daily struggle even for me but I am more conscious of it these days.

Even something as small as subsidies for student events. Recently, we went down to Canberra for the Singapore Community Day. There was this huge problem with funding in respect for students (sadly I am no longer a student). The system in place now works on giving a fixed amount of subsidy to each student irregardless of where they are. So student from Sydney is given the same amount as one from Brisbane. Now...it seems to make sense until you actually calculate the costs for each individual student. $30 for someone from Sydney can equate to the whole busfare but to someone from Brisbane, it is only perhaps a small fraction of the busfare. Does it make sense?

My idea is (albeit different views from some of the other people in Brisbane) that every student should only need to pay as much as the next student in another state. It makes sense to me. Perhaps it shouldnt just be on the shoulders of the High Commisioner's Office to fund it all but instead work with the local organisations within that state to raise funds for the trip. But in the end, every student should be paying the same amount for the trip to a NATIONAL community event. And with recent changes (still pending) to the plans, if the annual Community day will be moved from state to state, then everyone will have a fair share of having to make the extra effort to raise funds. As long as people are willing to help each other out (a practice lacking in MANY Singaporeans), things do work out.

Just a few tweaks here and there might eleviate the problem of social divides in most countries. I once heard this somewhere and perhaps you'll agree. "If you dont want your people to revolt and rebel, provide them with food, water, shelter. As long as they are not hungry, thristy and have a place to live comfortably, they will not be resentful." (para-phrased of course). What do you think?


Mercury in the Sunlit day

Get your real time information about Mercury's Transit in front of the Sun @

Hidden in the axis fire
A small voice among many stars
Jupiter's gravity it quietly aspires
To burn in the Sun's glory
Actually it is not very far
Stealing the show every many years
The oldest son, that all the others fear
Quietly passing across the blinding sky
Mercury was its name
To see him, just look up high

© gunmetal:red aka nuttytentacle 2006


damien for the win?

well...basically I am supporting this guy for this year's Australian Idol.
he is good...although...like all the idols here...he might get 2nd place but will outsell the first
judge it for yourself

Song 1

Song 2


a call for ideas

well...ardent readers...I need ideas on what to put up on my podcast.
got some ideas from nadia but I still need more input.
this is an official call for ideas to what you might want to hear.
comon people...let the ideas floooooow

a monster is born?

this taste of podcastism is going insane...
(after talk to nadia abt it)
ideas flooding in...so many possibilities....mwahahahaha
but....can it last?

p.s.: I still shiver at hearing my own voice


My first Podcast

My first ever Podcast entry people....
check it out

powered by ODEO

Jungle Fevaaaaa

check this out


a sunny disposition

as I brought up my hand to block the glaring sunlight from the FIERY hot sun today, the many thoughts of what I intend to do continued to flood the gates of my mind.
and I havent stopped since I came back after collecting the cake for Uncle Martin's bday later and picking up a gift on the way while buying lunch for my sis. amazing how I could get so many things done in one trip out into the city.

as usual, I was spacing out during mass again. aside from asking for direction from God, blurred memories came back in waves that kept me from concentrating. but one thing did stick while all that commotion was going thru in my head...the priest's sermon about the different 'rooms' we are present in everyday. a room for spiritual stuff, another for emotional, and another for day to day stuff and so on. so which room am I in now? I dont know.

came home and read Gav's blog and I, perhaps finally, realised something about life(well...more about myself). I am and never will be anyone else except myself. sounds weird? cant blame ya. the thought is weird to me as well. but to put it simply, I am who I am. I can never be a verbal joust or a great conversationist. I am not one to talk nonstop nor can I ever be aggressive. so who am I? WHAT am I?
here's what I came up with:

I am a peace maker. no matter the situation, I'll always be the one who tries to stand on the line of reason and try to resolve the problem.

I am a nerd. there might not be lots of data on world history or politics in my head but things I love, science fiction, fantasy, astronomy, computers, games, etc, I have extensive knowledge of and I am proud of it. I can hold up my end of any argument cos I know my stuff but I'll usually back down because of who I am as mentioned above.

I am an optimist and an encourager. ok ok...even though I complain and bitch about how my life is shite and all that, I truely believe in the good of all things. that everything can be seen in a good light, and that is how I like to be to others, to help them and be their beacon of light if they need one.

I love to be loved. who doesn't? that's why I surround myself with people whom I love. people whom I am trust. people who probably loves me back for who I am, without judgement.

I am lazy. lol...hey...not everything can be good. I can be lazy as well...look at the condition of my room. I should have cleared it up ages ago but it is still as cluttered as ever.

I am a dreamer. I still dream of being happy for the rest of my life. find someone who loves me and in turn I love back just as much. have my 3 daughters(according to some fortune teller), maybe a pet sometime down the road. earn enough to support my family and give them all a good life. be a great husband as well as a great father.

and finally (for now)
I am a lover. I love everyone and everything. well...I try to be. I cant bring myself to hate anything or anyone. believe me...I tried. especially the ones that hurt me really hard before...but it doesnt work. if I loved you before...it aint gonna change ever. this applies to everyone of course...family...friends, even 'girlfriends'.

so there...'ME' summed up as well as I could now. there are other parts that I cannot recall or think of but I am sure they are there and some of you out there will know what they are.


How some of us view the world

HAHAHAHA....got this from my sis.
Click Here

Wah lau!!!

Anyways...remember to read the article about the Bone Marrow Drive ok!
Go support if you can and perhaps help someone out in the future.


lost in thought while being 'stung'

here I am again. lost in thought and turmoil. all the while listening to Sting.
his music (followed up with Michael Buble) is especially good for meditation and reflection...believe me.

its days like this that make me wonder what I am doing with my life.

(in the background) *when we dance*

- should I stay in Brisbane?
- go home to Singapore?
- go to another state in Oz?
- go to another country and 'start over'?
- stay in IT or change profession?
- go back to Uni?

My choices are open to me...but which is my best course?
Where lies my destiny?
What do the Fates intend for me?
What has God intended for me?

*and as we walk in fields of gold*

And what am I supposed to do with this body?
I wake up to pain every morning and I go to bed with relief every night from its terrible clutches.
I mean...imagine every waking moment in your life is accompanied by some pain in some part of your body.
knee...back...neck...head...deck(LOL...private joke)
will technology progress fast enough for a cure to obesity and pain?
LOL...riiiight...it is all my responsibility you say?
TRY IT!!! but you cant, can you? try living as an overweight person for a day.
you'll soon understand.
the fact that I am mostly a calm person and not lashing out at everyone around me sometime amazes myself.
I am bitter and in pain.

*come fly with me*

not just physical pain. I am in pain inside as well.
years of emotional self abuse finally has caught up with me.
I never used to be so unhappy with life. everyday was just another day. no worries, no problems, no sadness. I was the type of person who didnt think much about the things that happen to me. I smiled most of the time. (ask anyone who knew me in pri, sec and JC).
what happened to that person...I miss that person.
and perhaps...everyone misses that person.
but the person you see now is no longer that jolly fat man...just a shadow of that once happy, smiling fat boy.

*I can only give you love that lasts forever*

I am trying though...trying to get past all this pain, this disappointment.
perhaps even learn how to be happy again. or should I wait for something to hit me hard enough on the head to forget everything for the past 2-3 years?
haha...this isnt a movie...this is life...and although life is weirder than in the movies...it aint gonna happen to me...I know it...I feel it. my life isnt destined to be material for a movie.

so here we are again...wondering what to do...nothing new. going on with life like a zombie. living day by day without anything to live for. maybe tt's wat I need...something to live for.
if there ever was/IS a reason for me to still be wasting the air in the world...please let me find it soon...real soon...

*how fragile we are*