a sunny disposition

as I brought up my hand to block the glaring sunlight from the FIERY hot sun today, the many thoughts of what I intend to do continued to flood the gates of my mind.
and I havent stopped since I came back after collecting the cake for Uncle Martin's bday later and picking up a gift on the way while buying lunch for my sis. amazing how I could get so many things done in one trip out into the city.

as usual, I was spacing out during mass again. aside from asking for direction from God, blurred memories came back in waves that kept me from concentrating. but one thing did stick while all that commotion was going thru in my head...the priest's sermon about the different 'rooms' we are present in everyday. a room for spiritual stuff, another for emotional, and another for day to day stuff and so on. so which room am I in now? I dont know.

came home and read Gav's blog and I, perhaps finally, realised something about life(well...more about myself). I am and never will be anyone else except myself. sounds weird? cant blame ya. the thought is weird to me as well. but to put it simply, I am who I am. I can never be a verbal joust or a great conversationist. I am not one to talk nonstop nor can I ever be aggressive. so who am I? WHAT am I?
here's what I came up with:

I am a peace maker. no matter the situation, I'll always be the one who tries to stand on the line of reason and try to resolve the problem.

I am a nerd. there might not be lots of data on world history or politics in my head but things I love, science fiction, fantasy, astronomy, computers, games, etc, I have extensive knowledge of and I am proud of it. I can hold up my end of any argument cos I know my stuff but I'll usually back down because of who I am as mentioned above.

I am an optimist and an encourager. ok ok...even though I complain and bitch about how my life is shite and all that, I truely believe in the good of all things. that everything can be seen in a good light, and that is how I like to be to others, to help them and be their beacon of light if they need one.

I love to be loved. who doesn't? that's why I surround myself with people whom I love. people whom I am trust. people who probably loves me back for who I am, without judgement.

I am lazy. lol...hey...not everything can be good. I can be lazy as well...look at the condition of my room. I should have cleared it up ages ago but it is still as cluttered as ever.

I am a dreamer. I still dream of being happy for the rest of my life. find someone who loves me and in turn I love back just as much. have my 3 daughters(according to some fortune teller), maybe a pet sometime down the road. earn enough to support my family and give them all a good life. be a great husband as well as a great father.

and finally (for now)
I am a lover. I love everyone and everything. well...I try to be. I cant bring myself to hate anything or anyone. believe me...I tried. especially the ones that hurt me really hard before...but it doesnt work. if I loved you before...it aint gonna change ever. this applies to everyone of course...family...friends, even 'girlfriends'.

so there...'ME' summed up as well as I could now. there are other parts that I cannot recall or think of but I am sure they are there and some of you out there will know what they are.

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