Two Oh Oh Nine (2009) In Review

Ah! 2009 is almost over.
I can't believe I put this off for almost 2 hours.
Perhaps subconsciously I was dreading thinking back over the past year and re-live the nonsense I went through.
It wasn't THAT bad really.
Just lots of ups and downs...loneliness and times filled with people...depression and elation...you know...the usual tones of a year gone by.

So let us start from the beginning, shall we?
The year started off pretty good actually.
Was still in Singapore and attended a few weddings of some old friends (one in particular was heart-breaking...for me that is...but that's another story).
Everything seemed smooth sailing right up till I got back to Brissy.
The Drama then began!

Within a month of returning to the office, I was informed that my services were no longer sustainable at FAST, and I was given my 4 weeks notice (at least there was that). Blame the GFC or just higher management decisions...it doesn't matter.
What really screwed me over was that at the same period of time, I was looking for and had found a new apartment to buy. The owners of the often missed Unit 2405 had decided to switch over to short-term leasing with OAKS (pooi!) and Lindsay and I were naturally informed of this last year.

I found an apartment with a great pricetag and promptly put in an offer, without much thought of anything that might derail my plans. But lo and behold (Murphy would have been so proud), the news of my lay off came on the same week I was given the option to back out of my offer (the owners have already accepted).
So what could I do? Back down and let this apartment fly out of my reach forever? Let this frustrating situation f**k up my plans for home ownership?
I went ahead (despite all the annoying little voices inside telling me not to) and bought the apartment. Naturally, this is exactly where I am writing this annual summary. In MY room of MY apartment. BRING IT ON! (well...not really...have mercy!)

After that, it was a long 3-4 months of job searching and waiting for some opportunity to pop up. I did little odd jobs to get some income in but mostly not enough to sustain loan repayments and living costs. My Savings had its life sucked dry very slowly.

But a twist of fate did bring some lucky fortune my way for once this year in June.
This was during Marion's visit to Brisbane. She bunked over at my place while she stopped over in Brissy and we had a short but good catching up. Perhaps she was my lucky charm as I had a successful interview for a teaching position at the Central Queensland University's Brisbane campus.

I ended up teaching 2 classes.
1. Java Programming
2. Database Development and Management

Ever since I decided against going into teaching (after my parents' disapproval) straight after NS, this is the first time I had a chance to actually return to that old dream.
I had originally planned to complete some post-grad studies before heading back to SG (eventually) to try for a teaching position at one of the Polytechnics.
The Fates definitely have a weird way of pushing me in the direction I wanted to go.

Right now, I still tip-toe along the thin line between being comfortable and having not enough to make my monthly repayments & quarterly body corps fees and city council rates; not to mention living expenses. But things are looking up as I might have more classes next semester onwards. &Fingers crossed*

Looking back...it truly wasn't a overly exciting year.
Only a few events (albeit MAJOR ones) had happened.
But they are more than enough for me to handle...more than enough for most I reckon.

All that's left is the emotional ups-and-downs for 2009.
THAT/THIS was actually what made this year so long and, at times, unbearable.

Where do we begin.
I don't even feel like mentioning them actually.
Ranging from loneliness, uncertainty, disappointment, repressed frustration, repressed anger, the loneliness, yearning, loss, the 'what if's, mental numbness, have I mentioned the Loneliness??!

It really did suck.
Friends left or planning to leave Brissy for good, the "What if..." moments that occupied my mind all the time, the constantly returning "VOID" in my chest.
A head doctor might look at me over the last 12 months and declare me "depressed".
But I know better than to let that get me down.
I soldiered on...always...as much as possible...with a smile on my face.
All the while feeling this pain...behind my chest...between my 2nd and 3rd rib.

So I will trudge on...into the 2010s...still hoping to fill this empty space, left by years of neglect.
Next year might be a better one...it certainly seems to be heading in that general direction for my career.
Maybe my personal life will follow suit.

At that...I am done.
2009 will not be a year I will forget easily (or I might...who knows...I have many gaps in my memory all the time).

I wish you all a Merry Christmas (12 days remember?) and a Wonderful, Joyous, and a Happy New Year!

And in case anyone is wondering, I want this

for Christmas next year! ;)



Quiet Corner Invasion

OMG...my quiet corner of MacArthur central where I have my KFC has been invaded. So many people. Sigh.

Can't think quietly anymore. :(


Fields of Gold - Sting

Sting-fields of Gold - Watch a funny movie here

You know how some songs just bring a tear to your eye?
This is one of mine.

Fields Of Gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold


JB Hifi Madness

A new
JB Hifi is opening soon at the MacArthur Central foodcourt.
The temptation will grow exponentially whenever I buy groceries.
Is that bad? Hahaha.


Of All Things...

You know...of all things that can bring a tear to my eye, the only book or set of book that can do that is Harry Potter.
I dunno why.
Getting sucked into the story is so easy.
Just finished reading The Half Blood Prince again...Just felt like doing it after arranging my books on the shelf.
Going to start on the final book again soon.
This is why the movies are important to me...seeing the story in front of me...'REAL' and such...makes it all the more...well...real.
I can't wait really.
Next year November and then in 2011...near my birthday...That's my plan.
For my 31st, that's where I'll be...at the Movies.


Familiar Settings

This scene is familiar.
Me sitting at the quiet part of the MacArthur's foodcourt. Just finished my KFC lunch and a magazine on the table. Listening to music typical of shopping centre foodcourts.
It was a few weeks ago I think that I was here.

It's interesting to be alone sometimes. It gives one a chance to reflect. To be away from the normal crowds on the city streets. But yet not at home alone where you get a different feeling. I get a sense of peace albeit with a little loneliness.

Just thinking about what has happened over the last few weeks. Blessed I am to find and get the job that I enjoy doing. To be able to work less hours than most, do my own things because now I have time, and strive to self improve.

With all this comes that reminder that I don't have someone to share this joy with. Not being greedy. I know I should be happy and thankful for what I already have. Just on Thursday I was telling Mervyn about the joys of just being happy about the little joys in life. Free dinner compliments of Conrad Treasury isn't that bad no?

I am positive the feeling will pass. But for now. Short as it possibly may. I am lonely.


Me, Harry and the Half Blood Prince

Just came home after watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
Loved it.
Darker, sadder, but yet with hints of hope and happiness.
I know the plot already since I have already read the book but still...like the ones before this...watching it on the big screen always makes it a little more special.
My emotions were definitely pulled along as the movie unfolded.
And if you believe in mood rings - I only realised this AFTER walking out of the cinema - mine was red/white.
I think that reflects excitation/frustration?
All true at the end of the movie.

Can't wait for the final 2 movies based off the last book.
I sure hope they space them only months apart.
Sure can't imagine waiting years between the last 2 especially since they are from the same book.

Loved it.
I know...they are the same 2 lines above but nothing says 'TRUE' better than repetition.


Teaching Matters

I am exhausted. Now I understand the suffering my teachers had to go through back when I was still a student.

Being on your feet for most of the day.
Speaking for almost 8hrs straight.
Brain working overtime searching for the correct answers to questions from students.

But it's satisfying. After a long day, there is really a sense of accomplishment. Hopefully the sentiment isn't an illusion.

So let me enjoy this absolutely yummy curry chicken rice that has just arrived at my table. Mmmmmm.


Mobile Blogging

You know. This is cool. Now I can blog while on the move.
Got this new app on the iPhone that allows for text blogging for free.
Much easier.
Sitting at MacArthur central after a 5 wing pack for lunch from KFC reading a free mag.
But a little lonely.
The rain patters away outside while lounge music echoes away in here.
I miss someone alot.
Not that it matters....






What is this feeling?
A sense of longing?
Of Belonging.
Of something of past?
It's fading really fast...
Screaming silently.
Tearing my heart into pieces.
Into dust.
It sucks...maybe.



I have always wondered how things will be different if I bought a place of my own.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.

Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.

How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.

There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...

But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.



what keeps a drop of water from drying up?

throw it into the sea...


The One With The Wondering

So how long has it been this time?
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?

Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.

So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.

OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.

I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.


The One With The Uncertain Future

What am I supposed to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!


Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part5] - Signing off from the SG

My holiday is over.
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.

So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)


The Doctor says it best

Quoted from Doctor Who 2008 Christmas Special (The Next Doctor)

"They leave because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them … forget me. I suppose in the end, they break my heart."


Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part4] - Happy New Year!!!

There was a post I didn't have the time to complate writing back then.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html

It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:

New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac

It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?

Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.

Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.