The Christmas Condition

Less than 3 weeks to Christmas, less than 3 weeks before I return home, less than 3 weeks before my holiday starts.
All things I SHOULD be excited about.
I mean...
I get to see my family which I havent seen in almost a year.
I get to spend time with old friends whom I havent even had a chance to have a proper chat with in almost a year.
I get to meet people I have met and chatted with over the past couple of months and have never met before.
I get to return home and see the changes time has brought along with the trip.
I get to do some shopping and actually get bargains (ok...not THAT big a deal on this one)

So why am I not psyched about it???

**

Even getting my new laptop yesterday wasnt that big a deal. I opened up the package, played with the toy a bit, then left it in a corner while I slept the rest of the day away. WTF is wrong with me? The me I know would be psyched about all these things and be busy packing and planning my 2 weeks back home. He'll also be installing all the software on the laptop and customising it to be the best machine on the block.
So what is wrong?
I wish I know.

I really do.

**

This is so different from the person I used to know in myself.
That person was the one who directed a Christmas Play back in JC that preached Hope and Optimism.
That person believed that anything is possible, that the possibilities in this world are limitless.
That person loved everyone around him. Nobody was not worth his time and care.
That person smiled everyday. Everything around him amused and cheered him up.
That person never truely felt alone.
Where is he now?

**

Lord in Heaven
There is no season in the year
that brings hope of renewal and rebirth more than Christmas
I pray for a new start
For myself this year
Let the person who was - be here again
Let him bring smiles to other with his own
And let him be a beacon of light to all around him
Make him an instrument of yours
Allow him to feel Love again
To do your work
To let his Heart & Soul live again