Dude,
It has been almost 14 years since I last saw you.
Almost half my lifetime ago.
You are about to take your 'O' Level Exams to determine which path you'll take for the next 2-3 years before serving NS(not THAT bad as it sounds).
So why is an older version of yourself writing to you?
1. Warnings!
2. Words of Wisdom
3. Cos I have nothing better to do while waiting for students to show up for class. (YES! You end up a teacher (for now) and possess dry humour)
[Secondary School]
Please do study harder for your 'O's.
You'll do just fine at the pace you're at and after some running around (literally), you eventually get into the JC you want.
But before you do that, it'll be great if you had more choices. Don't just aim for the school you want.
Aim higher!
Prove to yourself and others that you can actually achieve anything you aspire to OR you might end up having to "prove yourself" every step of the way in the future.
Read More...
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
2009-12-31
Two Oh Oh Nine (2009) In Review
Ah! 2009 is almost over.
I can't believe I put this off for almost 2 hours.
Perhaps subconsciously I was dreading thinking back over the past year and re-live the nonsense I went through.
It wasn't THAT bad really.
Just lots of ups and downs...loneliness and times filled with people...depression and elation...you know...the usual tones of a year gone by.
So let us start from the beginning, shall we?
The year started off pretty good actually.
Was still in Singapore and attended a few weddings of some old friends (one in particular was heart-breaking...for me that is...but that's another story).
Everything seemed smooth sailing right up till I got back to Brissy.
The Drama then began!
Within a month of returning to the office, I was informed that my services were no longer sustainable at FAST, and I was given my 4 weeks notice (at least there was that). Blame the GFC or just higher management decisions...it doesn't matter.
What really screwed me over was that at the same period of time, I was looking for and had found a new apartment to buy. The owners of the often missed Unit 2405 had decided to switch over to short-term leasing with OAKS (pooi!) and Lindsay and I were naturally informed of this last year.
I found an apartment with a great pricetag and promptly put in an offer, without much thought of anything that might derail my plans. But lo and behold (Murphy would have been so proud), the news of my lay off came on the same week I was given the option to back out of my offer (the owners have already accepted).
So what could I do? Back down and let this apartment fly out of my reach forever? Let this frustrating situation f**k up my plans for home ownership?
NO!
I went ahead (despite all the annoying little voices inside telling me not to) and bought the apartment. Naturally, this is exactly where I am writing this annual summary. In MY room of MY apartment. BRING IT ON! (well...not really...have mercy!)
After that, it was a long 3-4 months of job searching and waiting for some opportunity to pop up. I did little odd jobs to get some income in but mostly not enough to sustain loan repayments and living costs. My Savings had its life sucked dry very slowly.
But a twist of fate did bring some lucky fortune my way for once this year in June.
This was during Marion's visit to Brisbane. She bunked over at my place while she stopped over in Brissy and we had a short but good catching up. Perhaps she was my lucky charm as I had a successful interview for a teaching position at the Central Queensland University's Brisbane campus.
I ended up teaching 2 classes.
1. Java Programming
2. Database Development and Management
LOVE IT!
Ever since I decided against going into teaching (after my parents' disapproval) straight after NS, this is the first time I had a chance to actually return to that old dream.
I had originally planned to complete some post-grad studies before heading back to SG (eventually) to try for a teaching position at one of the Polytechnics.
The Fates definitely have a weird way of pushing me in the direction I wanted to go.
Right now, I still tip-toe along the thin line between being comfortable and having not enough to make my monthly repayments & quarterly body corps fees and city council rates; not to mention living expenses. But things are looking up as I might have more classes next semester onwards. &Fingers crossed*
Looking back...it truly wasn't a overly exciting year.
Only a few events (albeit MAJOR ones) had happened.
But they are more than enough for me to handle...more than enough for most I reckon.
All that's left is the emotional ups-and-downs for 2009.
THAT/THIS was actually what made this year so long and, at times, unbearable.
Where do we begin.
Sigh...
I don't even feel like mentioning them actually.
Ranging from loneliness, uncertainty, disappointment, repressed frustration, repressed anger, the loneliness, yearning, loss, the 'what if's, mental numbness, have I mentioned the Loneliness??!
ROFL
It really did suck.
Friends left or planning to leave Brissy for good, the "What if..." moments that occupied my mind all the time, the constantly returning "VOID" in my chest.
A head doctor might look at me over the last 12 months and declare me "depressed".
But I know better than to let that get me down.
I soldiered on...always...as much as possible...with a smile on my face.
All the while feeling this pain...behind my chest...between my 2nd and 3rd rib.
So I will trudge on...into the 2010s...still hoping to fill this empty space, left by years of neglect.
Next year might be a better one...it certainly seems to be heading in that general direction for my career.
Maybe my personal life will follow suit.
At that...I am done.
2009 will not be a year I will forget easily (or I might...who knows...I have many gaps in my memory all the time).
I wish you all a Merry Christmas (12 days remember?) and a Wonderful, Joyous, and a Happy New Year!
And in case anyone is wondering, I want this
for Christmas next year! ;)
**************************
I can't believe I put this off for almost 2 hours.
Perhaps subconsciously I was dreading thinking back over the past year and re-live the nonsense I went through.
It wasn't THAT bad really.
Just lots of ups and downs...loneliness and times filled with people...depression and elation...you know...the usual tones of a year gone by.
So let us start from the beginning, shall we?
The year started off pretty good actually.
Was still in Singapore and attended a few weddings of some old friends (one in particular was heart-breaking...for me that is...but that's another story).
Everything seemed smooth sailing right up till I got back to Brissy.
The Drama then began!
Within a month of returning to the office, I was informed that my services were no longer sustainable at FAST, and I was given my 4 weeks notice (at least there was that). Blame the GFC or just higher management decisions...it doesn't matter.
What really screwed me over was that at the same period of time, I was looking for and had found a new apartment to buy. The owners of the often missed Unit 2405 had decided to switch over to short-term leasing with OAKS (pooi!) and Lindsay and I were naturally informed of this last year.
I found an apartment with a great pricetag and promptly put in an offer, without much thought of anything that might derail my plans. But lo and behold (Murphy would have been so proud), the news of my lay off came on the same week I was given the option to back out of my offer (the owners have already accepted).
So what could I do? Back down and let this apartment fly out of my reach forever? Let this frustrating situation f**k up my plans for home ownership?
NO!
I went ahead (despite all the annoying little voices inside telling me not to) and bought the apartment. Naturally, this is exactly where I am writing this annual summary. In MY room of MY apartment. BRING IT ON! (well...not really...have mercy!)
After that, it was a long 3-4 months of job searching and waiting for some opportunity to pop up. I did little odd jobs to get some income in but mostly not enough to sustain loan repayments and living costs. My Savings had its life sucked dry very slowly.
But a twist of fate did bring some lucky fortune my way for once this year in June.
This was during Marion's visit to Brisbane. She bunked over at my place while she stopped over in Brissy and we had a short but good catching up. Perhaps she was my lucky charm as I had a successful interview for a teaching position at the Central Queensland University's Brisbane campus.
I ended up teaching 2 classes.
1. Java Programming
2. Database Development and Management
LOVE IT!
Ever since I decided against going into teaching (after my parents' disapproval) straight after NS, this is the first time I had a chance to actually return to that old dream.
I had originally planned to complete some post-grad studies before heading back to SG (eventually) to try for a teaching position at one of the Polytechnics.
The Fates definitely have a weird way of pushing me in the direction I wanted to go.
Right now, I still tip-toe along the thin line between being comfortable and having not enough to make my monthly repayments & quarterly body corps fees and city council rates; not to mention living expenses. But things are looking up as I might have more classes next semester onwards. &Fingers crossed*
Looking back...it truly wasn't a overly exciting year.
Only a few events (albeit MAJOR ones) had happened.
But they are more than enough for me to handle...more than enough for most I reckon.
All that's left is the emotional ups-and-downs for 2009.
THAT/THIS was actually what made this year so long and, at times, unbearable.
Where do we begin.
Sigh...
I don't even feel like mentioning them actually.
Ranging from loneliness, uncertainty, disappointment, repressed frustration, repressed anger, the loneliness, yearning, loss, the 'what if's, mental numbness, have I mentioned the Loneliness??!
ROFL
It really did suck.
Friends left or planning to leave Brissy for good, the "What if..." moments that occupied my mind all the time, the constantly returning "VOID" in my chest.
A head doctor might look at me over the last 12 months and declare me "depressed".
But I know better than to let that get me down.
I soldiered on...always...as much as possible...with a smile on my face.
All the while feeling this pain...behind my chest...between my 2nd and 3rd rib.
So I will trudge on...into the 2010s...still hoping to fill this empty space, left by years of neglect.
Next year might be a better one...it certainly seems to be heading in that general direction for my career.
Maybe my personal life will follow suit.
At that...I am done.
2009 will not be a year I will forget easily (or I might...who knows...I have many gaps in my memory all the time).
I wish you all a Merry Christmas (12 days remember?) and a Wonderful, Joyous, and a Happy New Year!
And in case anyone is wondering, I want this
for Christmas next year! ;)
**************************
2009-04-11
New-ness
I have always wondered how things will be different if I bought a place of my own.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.
Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.
How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.
There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...
But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.
Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.
How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.
There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...
But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.
2009-02-17
The One With The Wondering
So how long has it been this time?
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?
Lots!
Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.
So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.
OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
SIGH.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.
I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?
Lots!
Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.
So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.
OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
SIGH.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.
I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.
2009-01-14
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part5] - Signing off from the SG
My holiday is over.
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.
Haha.
So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.
Haha.
So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)
2009-01-01
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part4] - Happy New Year!!!
There was a post I didn't have the time to complate writing back then.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html
It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:
New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac
It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?
Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.
Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html
It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:
New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac
It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?
Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.
Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.
2008-12-27
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part2]
So comes an end to my second day in Singapore.
Didn't do much today at all.
Stayed at home because I wanted to have a home cooked meal...YUM!
Miss mom's cooking.
So tomorrow is going to be the end of another open-ended chapter in my personal memoirs...if I or anyone else ever write one.
Michelle is getting married in the morning.
What else can I say?
Another chapter of 'regret', of 'what ifs' and of teenage infatuation.
It was...I guess...never meant to be.
My timidness and fear of rejection...again...was my sole (maybe) enemy in this again.
But it is in the past.
Tomorrow closes that part of my life...and the next page flips open.
I wonder which chapters yearns or even begs to be put away next.
Didn't do much today at all.
Stayed at home because I wanted to have a home cooked meal...YUM!
Miss mom's cooking.
So tomorrow is going to be the end of another open-ended chapter in my personal memoirs...if I or anyone else ever write one.
Michelle is getting married in the morning.
What else can I say?
Another chapter of 'regret', of 'what ifs' and of teenage infatuation.
It was...I guess...never meant to be.
My timidness and fear of rejection...again...was my sole (maybe) enemy in this again.
But it is in the past.
Tomorrow closes that part of my life...and the next page flips open.
I wonder which chapters yearns or even begs to be put away next.
2008-12-26
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part1]
3am in the morning...my first after arriving back home.
I am EXTREMELY tired but yet not really wanting to sleep.
I feel out of place somehow.
Really like it's some place out of a surreal dream scape.
Is this still home? Or do I have 2 homes now?
It's very familiar and yet alien altogether.
Things have changed...people have moved on, grown, evolved (haha).
I am unsure of my place.
Where do I belong?
Home...the simple complex meaning of that word...that idea...that feeling...is completely different.
I might or might not find my answers by the end of my trip here.
At least it won't be boring...trust me...it won't be.
I am EXTREMELY tired but yet not really wanting to sleep.
I feel out of place somehow.
Really like it's some place out of a surreal dream scape.
Is this still home? Or do I have 2 homes now?
It's very familiar and yet alien altogether.
Things have changed...people have moved on, grown, evolved (haha).
I am unsure of my place.
Where do I belong?
Home...the simple complex meaning of that word...that idea...that feeling...is completely different.
I might or might not find my answers by the end of my trip here.
At least it won't be boring...trust me...it won't be.
2008-09-19
Sorry
There are many things I am sorry about:
I am sorry for being too short.
I am sorry for being too fat.
I am sorry for being not athletic.
I am sorry for being not big enough.
I am sorry for being not a genius.
I am sorry for being not funny.
I am sorry for not knowing what to say.
I am sorry for being not wealthy.
I am sorry for being not successful.
I am sorry for being lost with current affairs.
I am sorry for being crazy for science fiction.
I am sorry for remembering useless facts.
I am sorry for being a Movie and TV trivia nut.
I am sorry that I can't drive.
I am sorry that I don't have a car.
I am sorry for putting off getting a license as well.
I am sorry for being peace loving.
I am sorry for sitting on the fence during trivial arguments.
I am sorry for caring too much.
I am sorry for being too intense.
I am sorry for being a worry-wart.
I am sorry for spending money on flowers.
I am sorry for not making gifts from scratch.
I am sorry for missing that one song you wanted.
I am sorry for holding you tight.
I am sorry for being a Chinese man.
I am sorry for not being Caucasian.
I am sorry for my immaturity.
I am sorry for my ideals.
I am sorry for my dreams.
I am sorry for daydreaming sometimes.
I am sorry for dreaming of a better world.
I am sorry for my weird sense of humour.
I am sorry for screaming at the TV.
I am sorry for crying when something touching in on.
I am sorry for being a man.
I am sorry for being born the way I am.
I am sorry that I didn't sing for you.
I am sorry for the poems I wrote in my mind.
I am sorry for thinking we have a future together.
I am sorry for hoping for anything at all.
I am sorry that I adore the way you laugh.
I am sorry that I miss your smile.
I am sorry to allow myself to fall in love.
I am sorry that I fell in love with you.
:
:
But one day...soon...maybe...I won't need to say sorry anymore.
I am sorry for being too short.
I am sorry for being too fat.
I am sorry for being not athletic.
I am sorry for being not big enough.
I am sorry for being not a genius.
I am sorry for being not funny.
I am sorry for not knowing what to say.
I am sorry for being not wealthy.
I am sorry for being not successful.
I am sorry for being lost with current affairs.
I am sorry for being crazy for science fiction.
I am sorry for remembering useless facts.
I am sorry for being a Movie and TV trivia nut.
I am sorry that I can't drive.
I am sorry that I don't have a car.
I am sorry for putting off getting a license as well.
I am sorry for being peace loving.
I am sorry for sitting on the fence during trivial arguments.
I am sorry for caring too much.
I am sorry for being too intense.
I am sorry for being a worry-wart.
I am sorry for spending money on flowers.
I am sorry for not making gifts from scratch.
I am sorry for missing that one song you wanted.
I am sorry for holding you tight.
I am sorry for being a Chinese man.
I am sorry for not being Caucasian.
I am sorry for my immaturity.
I am sorry for my ideals.
I am sorry for my dreams.
I am sorry for daydreaming sometimes.
I am sorry for dreaming of a better world.
I am sorry for my weird sense of humour.
I am sorry for screaming at the TV.
I am sorry for crying when something touching in on.
I am sorry for being a man.
I am sorry for being born the way I am.
I am sorry that I didn't sing for you.
I am sorry for the poems I wrote in my mind.
I am sorry for thinking we have a future together.
I am sorry for hoping for anything at all.
I am sorry that I adore the way you laugh.
I am sorry that I miss your smile.
I am sorry to allow myself to fall in love.
I am sorry that I fell in love with you.
:
:
But one day...soon...maybe...I won't need to say sorry anymore.
2008-08-21
Celebrating Singapore
Ok...let's get the photos out of the way first shall we?
Singapore Club's National Day Ball 2008
Singapore National Day Ball 2008
So...
It has been a while since I wrote something.
Finally got some time (and patience) to sit at my computer, upload the photos and post it up here. It has been a very weird time these past few weeks.
Busy yet not insanely busy.
Tiring yet not overly overwhelming.
Sleepy...you get the idea.
And as usual...a long period of self-discovery. Rousing thoughts of regret and loneliness but yet not all that bad. Knowing the cause of a problem can lead to means of finding my own version of happiness...or at least...some form of peace.
All this somehow links up with being all patriotic about being Singaporean. I love being Singaporean. Happy to be Singaporean. The Olympics allowed me to present myself in that light. To support the Singapore table tennis team even if almost everyone else didn't give them credit or at least...have some faith that they might have had a chance to get Gold.
Lindsay brought up a good point. Most Singaporeans are very negative people. Focusing on the Bad first before even considering the Good. The lack of faith is horrible. Some might retort "It's not about faith...but about being practical". HA! Having faith in something means NOT being practical. IF more people had some faith...or perhaps a little more prayer somewhere along the line, our hopes and well wishes might have reached the Singapore Team.
Another interesting read just this week was PM Lee's National Day Rally Speech. Mainly about how young Singaporeans need to start pairing up and start families. About how the government attempt to help.
It was quite amusing.
More amusing was a blog entry I found from Tomorrow.sg that commented on that part of the PM's Address.
It can be found HERE.
Just read it...it's great.
Taking the day off tomorrow to take a proper break (esp since I was in the office last Wednesday on EKKA Holiday). Taxes and personal accounts need to be done as well. SIGH. Gonna try and really get my home buying going so I'll need to get all my paperwork and money in order. Growing Pains! HAHA
Having just watched "Princess Diaries 2" on DVD again...I finish this new entry with thoughts of Destiny and perhaps...even the possibility of True Love on my mind. Hopefully I'll have a great dream.
Gdnight! ;)
Singapore Club's National Day Ball 2008
Singapore National Day Ball 2008
So...
It has been a while since I wrote something.
Finally got some time (and patience) to sit at my computer, upload the photos and post it up here. It has been a very weird time these past few weeks.
Busy yet not insanely busy.
Tiring yet not overly overwhelming.
Sleepy...you get the idea.
And as usual...a long period of self-discovery. Rousing thoughts of regret and loneliness but yet not all that bad. Knowing the cause of a problem can lead to means of finding my own version of happiness...or at least...some form of peace.
All this somehow links up with being all patriotic about being Singaporean. I love being Singaporean. Happy to be Singaporean. The Olympics allowed me to present myself in that light. To support the Singapore table tennis team even if almost everyone else didn't give them credit or at least...have some faith that they might have had a chance to get Gold.
Lindsay brought up a good point. Most Singaporeans are very negative people. Focusing on the Bad first before even considering the Good. The lack of faith is horrible. Some might retort "It's not about faith...but about being practical". HA! Having faith in something means NOT being practical. IF more people had some faith...or perhaps a little more prayer somewhere along the line, our hopes and well wishes might have reached the Singapore Team.
Another interesting read just this week was PM Lee's National Day Rally Speech. Mainly about how young Singaporeans need to start pairing up and start families. About how the government attempt to help.
It was quite amusing.
More amusing was a blog entry I found from Tomorrow.sg that commented on that part of the PM's Address.
It can be found HERE.
Just read it...it's great.
Taking the day off tomorrow to take a proper break (esp since I was in the office last Wednesday on EKKA Holiday). Taxes and personal accounts need to be done as well. SIGH. Gonna try and really get my home buying going so I'll need to get all my paperwork and money in order. Growing Pains! HAHA
Having just watched "Princess Diaries 2" on DVD again...I finish this new entry with thoughts of Destiny and perhaps...even the possibility of True Love on my mind. Hopefully I'll have a great dream.
Gdnight! ;)
2008-07-14
Birthday
I am now 28 yrs and 1 day old...it feels the same.
It has been the same for the past few years. I want to be all celebratory and go "WOOHOO....PARTY!!!"...but it did not happen. Maybe I am older...less into the energetic celebrations and prefer a quieter, simpler celebration of the day I was inflicted upon this world. Haha.
It has felt...somewhat mundane to celebrate my own birthday for so long. Amidst my bestest friends taking the trouble of arranging a totally great dinner and on another night cooked for me (not to mention giving me a pair of fish which I hope won't die on me)...I feel un-needing of such things being done on my behalf.
Maybe I can even say that I don't really want to have celebrations of any kind.
Or maybe it's the depression talking. :P (of course I am not diagnosed with any kind of affliction but it just feels depressing)
I love my friends and family and (I hope...well...I know) they love me as well. But what I (suspect) have been lacking is similar to my reason for not going to WYD. There is no one to share these moments with. What I mean here is a deeper sense of sharing...a connection to another person...to be acknowleged as someone who can be loved.
Most people might not understand this feeling of "never being loved". It is usually not completely true...most of us got family and friends who love us. But in many ways...that kind of love is different. A person can be loved because he/she is family or he/she is the type of person you consider a friend. But somehow...it feels somewhat lacking in many areas. Just because there is still some aspect of you that is not accepted...not attractive enough...or just simply not enough to be loved.
Maybe it IS the age talking. Amidst the world around us...the violence, the wars, the petty arguements, the religions, the sexuality, the self-righteousness...I am perhaps very confused about everything as well. With so many friends finding happiness in their own way...I am confused as to why I haven't found a little corner of happiness for myself. Not the lack of trying...sort of.
Maybe the fish (Yin & Yang) given to me just might have the answers I seek.
It has been the same for the past few years. I want to be all celebratory and go "WOOHOO....PARTY!!!"...but it did not happen. Maybe I am older...less into the energetic celebrations and prefer a quieter, simpler celebration of the day I was inflicted upon this world. Haha.
It has felt...somewhat mundane to celebrate my own birthday for so long. Amidst my bestest friends taking the trouble of arranging a totally great dinner and on another night cooked for me (not to mention giving me a pair of fish which I hope won't die on me)...I feel un-needing of such things being done on my behalf.
Maybe I can even say that I don't really want to have celebrations of any kind.
Or maybe it's the depression talking. :P (of course I am not diagnosed with any kind of affliction but it just feels depressing)
I love my friends and family and (I hope...well...I know) they love me as well. But what I (suspect) have been lacking is similar to my reason for not going to WYD. There is no one to share these moments with. What I mean here is a deeper sense of sharing...a connection to another person...to be acknowleged as someone who can be loved.
Most people might not understand this feeling of "never being loved". It is usually not completely true...most of us got family and friends who love us. But in many ways...that kind of love is different. A person can be loved because he/she is family or he/she is the type of person you consider a friend. But somehow...it feels somewhat lacking in many areas. Just because there is still some aspect of you that is not accepted...not attractive enough...or just simply not enough to be loved.
Maybe it IS the age talking. Amidst the world around us...the violence, the wars, the petty arguements, the religions, the sexuality, the self-righteousness...I am perhaps very confused about everything as well. With so many friends finding happiness in their own way...I am confused as to why I haven't found a little corner of happiness for myself. Not the lack of trying...sort of.
Maybe the fish (Yin & Yang) given to me just might have the answers I seek.
2008-06-29
Positive Thinking VS Real Life
As usual...it has been a while since I wrote.
Not for the lack of something to write about.
Things are happening all the time...just this past weekend, there was a housewarming, then a birthday party, club meeting and then a brief but productive recording session out in whoop-whoop (Make an educated guess).
But as I am sitting here at my desk, with an episode of "No Reservations" playing in the background, all I can think of is what a fellow ex-co member mentioned to me after the meeting just now; words of hope, of "the best case scenario", of positive thinking.
HA! I so want to believe in those words. Many others have fortified the sentiment with similar words in the past but it comes back to experience...my own experience in life...Real Life.
Things aren't a bed of roses. And what you ask/hope/pray for doesn't always happen. People always do what you expect of them...but only when it pertains to the bad things. Of course there are cases to the exception...not often though.
So should I look forward to those rare cases when cynicism fails and the 'good' prevail? I wonder indeed.
On a side note: still trying to decide whether to go for World Youth Day or not. ARGH!
Not for the lack of something to write about.
Things are happening all the time...just this past weekend, there was a housewarming, then a birthday party, club meeting and then a brief but productive recording session out in whoop-whoop (Make an educated guess).
But as I am sitting here at my desk, with an episode of "No Reservations" playing in the background, all I can think of is what a fellow ex-co member mentioned to me after the meeting just now; words of hope, of "the best case scenario", of positive thinking.
HA! I so want to believe in those words. Many others have fortified the sentiment with similar words in the past but it comes back to experience...my own experience in life...Real Life.
Things aren't a bed of roses. And what you ask/hope/pray for doesn't always happen. People always do what you expect of them...but only when it pertains to the bad things. Of course there are cases to the exception...not often though.
So should I look forward to those rare cases when cynicism fails and the 'good' prevail? I wonder indeed.
On a side note: still trying to decide whether to go for World Youth Day or not. ARGH!
2008-04-12
High Tea Madness
Zzzzzzzzz....
I am so sleepy. Just concentrating to write is almost beyond my reach. Heh.
Had the Singapore Club High Tea today.
It was soooo busy.
Madiq, Chetan and myself were mending the drinks stall and it was almost chaotic. So many people...so many drinks...so many orders...ARGH!!!
I now know how the kopi shop uncles feel man.
Dunno how they tehan! :S
Gonna go to bed very soon.
Debs and Ames left yesterday.
Brisbane is quiet again...hahahaha....joking!
But I miss them lots. It was reminisce of the times back when we were all still students. The rush...the madness...the noise.
Hahaha.
But that's in the past...we have all 'grown up' and moved forward with our lives (well...some of us). Having short breaks from the daily toil and having fun like we used to was great. I loved the time spent.
It was the best time I had this whole year.
Not discounting the rest but for now...the past week tops all...one reason or another.
Can't wait for the next 'break'.
I am so sleepy. Just concentrating to write is almost beyond my reach. Heh.
Had the Singapore Club High Tea today.
It was soooo busy.
Madiq, Chetan and myself were mending the drinks stall and it was almost chaotic. So many people...so many drinks...so many orders...ARGH!!!
I now know how the kopi shop uncles feel man.
Dunno how they tehan! :S
Gonna go to bed very soon.
Debs and Ames left yesterday.
Brisbane is quiet again...hahahaha....joking!
But I miss them lots. It was reminisce of the times back when we were all still students. The rush...the madness...the noise.
Hahaha.
But that's in the past...we have all 'grown up' and moved forward with our lives (well...some of us). Having short breaks from the daily toil and having fun like we used to was great. I loved the time spent.
It was the best time I had this whole year.
Not discounting the rest but for now...the past week tops all...one reason or another.
Can't wait for the next 'break'.
2008-03-14
Waiting.....
Just in the office waiting for time to pass.
It's after 5 but I am hanging around so I don't have to run around the place.
Gonna go straight to the Pig and wait for people to show up.
A little anxiety is setting in but I know inside there is nothing to be anxious about.
Getting their head shaved is a big to some people and it would be for me if not because of it being somewhat familiar with the experience.
3 years ago I went through the same thing.
Back then...it was more of a fun thing, something that I did while having a great time with her. Now...it feels more real.
Heard from Madiq that his colleague's 4year old daughter recently got diagnosed with Leukeamia. It's crap you know? For a kid to have to go through that. It's crap for anyone to go through that.
Why this charity instead of the rest of the myriad of charities for diseases? I dunno. I have no personal experience with this disease or know of anyone personally with this affliction but perhaps because it's right here in front of me? Perhaps it requires some form of commitment as a sign of support instead of just giving money? Perhaps it was just the timing. Doesn't hurt when I like their T-shirts.
Maybe...just maybe...things might change.
It's after 5 but I am hanging around so I don't have to run around the place.
Gonna go straight to the Pig and wait for people to show up.
A little anxiety is setting in but I know inside there is nothing to be anxious about.
Getting their head shaved is a big to some people and it would be for me if not because of it being somewhat familiar with the experience.
3 years ago I went through the same thing.
Back then...it was more of a fun thing, something that I did while having a great time with her. Now...it feels more real.
Heard from Madiq that his colleague's 4year old daughter recently got diagnosed with Leukeamia. It's crap you know? For a kid to have to go through that. It's crap for anyone to go through that.
Why this charity instead of the rest of the myriad of charities for diseases? I dunno. I have no personal experience with this disease or know of anyone personally with this affliction but perhaps because it's right here in front of me? Perhaps it requires some form of commitment as a sign of support instead of just giving money? Perhaps it was just the timing. Doesn't hurt when I like their T-shirts.
Maybe...just maybe...things might change.
2008-02-01
>> Fast Forward
Ever felt that need for a [Fast Forward] button in your life?
That same feeling you get when you are bored of a section of a DVD or just want to view the highlights of a soccer match? It feels like that right now.
In fact, I think I am set on some sort of loop in my "Life Reel".
Same old story over and over again.
Reminds me of the movie "Click". What if are given a remote that allows you to control EVERYTHING around you? What will you do?
Will you rewind to a point to change things?
Will you fast forward to the future to have a peek?
Will you delete certain sections from ever happening?
I have thought about doing all of the above before.
Can't blame me for living in my own "Kingdom above the clouds".
I have always lived my life through the Movies, Musicals, Plays, Anime, etc etc that I have come across.
Life is almost never the same...but it doesn't hurt to have a template on which to do things no?
I don't like Horror/Thrillers because I don't wanna have those templates.
This probably explains why my DVD collection is mostly (if not completely) funny, romantic, and heroic. All things I strive to be.
A friend mentioned recently that I should stop having an "image" of how things should play out, because when they don't...I'll get depressed. But what is wrong with that "perfect scenario" always at the back of your head? It's what makes us Human...that "Hope" and "Faith" that everything will be alright. This also reminds me of a conversation I had with another friend long long ago. It was about whether I should change myself and my plans for someone I had feelings for. The conclusion (well...more like his insistence) was that I should just stay myself. Someone will appreciate "me" one day. I sooooo wanna press that [>>FF] button to that point right now.
But therein lies the problem as well. If I did that...then I might not appreciate her when I do meet her. To have hurt, pain and disappointment from past experiences probably will let me realise how much of a gift she will be to me. See? Isn't this soooo like the movies? SIGH.
But who will I end up in my own personal "Movie"?
The Hero?
The Villain?
The Side-kick?
A happy ending awaiting or just a pitiful existence?
I guess not even a [>>FF] button can change that.
That same feeling you get when you are bored of a section of a DVD or just want to view the highlights of a soccer match? It feels like that right now.
In fact, I think I am set on some sort of loop in my "Life Reel".
Same old story over and over again.
Reminds me of the movie "Click". What if are given a remote that allows you to control EVERYTHING around you? What will you do?
Will you rewind to a point to change things?
Will you fast forward to the future to have a peek?
Will you delete certain sections from ever happening?
I have thought about doing all of the above before.
Can't blame me for living in my own "Kingdom above the clouds".
I have always lived my life through the Movies, Musicals, Plays, Anime, etc etc that I have come across.
Life is almost never the same...but it doesn't hurt to have a template on which to do things no?
I don't like Horror/Thrillers because I don't wanna have those templates.
This probably explains why my DVD collection is mostly (if not completely) funny, romantic, and heroic. All things I strive to be.
A friend mentioned recently that I should stop having an "image" of how things should play out, because when they don't...I'll get depressed. But what is wrong with that "perfect scenario" always at the back of your head? It's what makes us Human...that "Hope" and "Faith" that everything will be alright. This also reminds me of a conversation I had with another friend long long ago. It was about whether I should change myself and my plans for someone I had feelings for. The conclusion (well...more like his insistence) was that I should just stay myself. Someone will appreciate "me" one day. I sooooo wanna press that [>>FF] button to that point right now.
But therein lies the problem as well. If I did that...then I might not appreciate her when I do meet her. To have hurt, pain and disappointment from past experiences probably will let me realise how much of a gift she will be to me. See? Isn't this soooo like the movies? SIGH.
But who will I end up in my own personal "Movie"?
The Hero?
The Villain?
The Side-kick?
A happy ending awaiting or just a pitiful existence?
I guess not even a [>>FF] button can change that.
2008-01-17
A Little "Less" For Wear
There are days when I feel like I shouldn't have made changes to what fate has arranged for me. Today is one of them. I should've been back in Brissy on Sunday. But because I meddled...the date was changed to a week later. (With the help of great people of course)
Just a "low" I guess. Started slow in the morning and then dragged myself over to the National Museum to finish off the "tour" of the main gallery. Finally able to watch and go through all the remaining displays and videos. Really learnt (more like re-learnt) the history of my own country. The place where I grew up...no matter how screwed up I am...it is home. And I find myself aligned to this place very well. No matter how society here has taken "Status" and "Pay Scale" as benchmark for comparing one to the next person (something I detest), it might not be enough to tear me away totally. Home is...well...Home.
Tired and sleepy and a very early start tomorrow morning.
I feel like...crap.
Like I said at the beginning...it has been a bad-ish day...I feel a little "Less". Less of what? Dunno...just..."Less".
I want to feel "More"! More to live for...more to look forward to...more things to love and care for. What can I do to get that? I still feel the "monster" there. I need to slay it. I just need a little help.
Just a "low" I guess. Started slow in the morning and then dragged myself over to the National Museum to finish off the "tour" of the main gallery. Finally able to watch and go through all the remaining displays and videos. Really learnt (more like re-learnt) the history of my own country. The place where I grew up...no matter how screwed up I am...it is home. And I find myself aligned to this place very well. No matter how society here has taken "Status" and "Pay Scale" as benchmark for comparing one to the next person (something I detest), it might not be enough to tear me away totally. Home is...well...Home.
Tired and sleepy and a very early start tomorrow morning.
I feel like...crap.
Like I said at the beginning...it has been a bad-ish day...I feel a little "Less". Less of what? Dunno...just..."Less".
I want to feel "More"! More to live for...more to look forward to...more things to love and care for. What can I do to get that? I still feel the "monster" there. I need to slay it. I just need a little help.
2008-01-05
Prelude to Bliss
It has been a busy day.
Eugene, a classmate from CJC, got married today.
I am so envious...haha...maybe? I dunno.
I got involved with everything only from last night actually.
When we finally met up to have the video tested on my laptop and to go through the schedule for today. Would've written something last night but just didnt feel up to it then.
But today...some of the other guys (Kenneth, Lenard and Alvin) had a super early morning helping out with the tea ceremony. I slowly got out of bed and reached Immaculate Heart of Mary at around 9.30am. From then...it was a mad rush to get things set up...test PA systems and in-house projectors that refused to work no matter what I threw at it.
But somehow....amidst all the setbacks and last minute planning (play-by-ear mostly), everything worked out. God blessed indeed. I mean...even when we found out that the video for the dinner portion of the program was not working...eventually we were able to solve the issue and even work out some new hiccups (a missing music CD) along the way.
It was so fun meeting up with the old classmates again. The few of them have definitely grown closer together and built a great friendship back here...back home. Something I regret not being able to be part of. But that's another story for another time. Back to Eugene and Akiko's Wedding.
Siiiiiiigh...They looked so happy together. I guess I really am envious. To have made so many memories with each other and have so many things to show for. To have been there for each other for the past 6 yrs...from strangers to friends and now...a married couple. And it's only the beginning of their lives. I never thought that I would actually yearn for that so much.
I guess we (we as in everyone?) all crave what we find most lacking from our lives. So what am I lacking? Someone to share my life with? Someone to love and cherish for the rest of my life...for richer or poor...thru sickness and in health...till death separates us. Is this "condition" a prelude to possible Bliss?
Eugene, a classmate from CJC, got married today.
I am so envious...haha...maybe? I dunno.
I got involved with everything only from last night actually.
When we finally met up to have the video tested on my laptop and to go through the schedule for today. Would've written something last night but just didnt feel up to it then.
But today...some of the other guys (Kenneth, Lenard and Alvin) had a super early morning helping out with the tea ceremony. I slowly got out of bed and reached Immaculate Heart of Mary at around 9.30am. From then...it was a mad rush to get things set up...test PA systems and in-house projectors that refused to work no matter what I threw at it.
But somehow....amidst all the setbacks and last minute planning (play-by-ear mostly), everything worked out. God blessed indeed. I mean...even when we found out that the video for the dinner portion of the program was not working...eventually we were able to solve the issue and even work out some new hiccups (a missing music CD) along the way.
It was so fun meeting up with the old classmates again. The few of them have definitely grown closer together and built a great friendship back here...back home. Something I regret not being able to be part of. But that's another story for another time. Back to Eugene and Akiko's Wedding.
Siiiiiiigh...They looked so happy together. I guess I really am envious. To have made so many memories with each other and have so many things to show for. To have been there for each other for the past 6 yrs...from strangers to friends and now...a married couple. And it's only the beginning of their lives. I never thought that I would actually yearn for that so much.
I guess we (we as in everyone?) all crave what we find most lacking from our lives. So what am I lacking? Someone to share my life with? Someone to love and cherish for the rest of my life...for richer or poor...thru sickness and in health...till death separates us. Is this "condition" a prelude to possible Bliss?
2007-12-22
I'm Damaged But I Still Want My Christmas Wish
Day: Xmas Eve 2007
Scene: FAST Office Brisbane
I guess I am a workaholic? On my day off and I am in the office still.
Well...I am going to be in Singapore for about 3 weeks from the 27th so I setting some work affairs in order here before I leave.
So here I am! :P
The past few days has gotten me thinking again about what has happened over the last few years; memories of Joy, Peacefulness and Bliss but also Pain, Sadness and Regret. A normal thing during the festive season I guess...especially during Xmas. A time of Joy, Peace and most importantly...Hope.
Something that bugs me during this season is the knowledge that those who deserve happiness and blessings will get them. The irony is...I LOVE this 'idea' that karma, or whatever name it goes by, brings happiness to those who deserve it and takes it away from people who don't. This probably places me in the "not deserving" category immediately. Whatever I "good" I do now is only paying off the "bad" from my growing up.
Someday perhaps I might "pay off" the bad I guess. But it makes me wonder whether the scales are actually tipping (slowly or not) in my favor. The "series of unfortunate events" over the past few years seem to indicate that it hasn't. Albeit this, an old teaching from Catechism has kept me going a little everyday.
"God allows things to happen to you (good and bad) so to prepare you to handle what is coming up"
Is this true? Everyday I ask myself this question.
When will the time come when the holidays isn't a lonely period of time? It has been like that for so long that it almost feel second nature already. I am surprised that I haven't developed a seething hatred for this period of time.
Maybe the Xmas Play in Junior College helped a little. (so weird no? something so long ago and insignificant in many people's lives)
"When Hope Comes" was the title.
Back then I still fully believed in that.
That no matter how bad things turn out...Christmas is a shining beacon of light for those in the darkness of loss...sadness...loneliness.
I am damaged this way I guess. Jaded perhaps. Not as dramatic as you get from movies or television shows but a slow, quiet pained person.
I know I am not alone...this feeling is probably universal especially during the holidays. If only the world was a less cruel place. Then everyone can and will be happier.
But for now...just the next few days...I just want my wish to come true.
All I wish for this Xmas...is a little bliss.
Scene: FAST Office Brisbane
I guess I am a workaholic? On my day off and I am in the office still.
Well...I am going to be in Singapore for about 3 weeks from the 27th so I setting some work affairs in order here before I leave.
So here I am! :P
The past few days has gotten me thinking again about what has happened over the last few years; memories of Joy, Peacefulness and Bliss but also Pain, Sadness and Regret. A normal thing during the festive season I guess...especially during Xmas. A time of Joy, Peace and most importantly...Hope.
Something that bugs me during this season is the knowledge that those who deserve happiness and blessings will get them. The irony is...I LOVE this 'idea' that karma, or whatever name it goes by, brings happiness to those who deserve it and takes it away from people who don't. This probably places me in the "not deserving" category immediately. Whatever I "good" I do now is only paying off the "bad" from my growing up.
Someday perhaps I might "pay off" the bad I guess. But it makes me wonder whether the scales are actually tipping (slowly or not) in my favor. The "series of unfortunate events" over the past few years seem to indicate that it hasn't. Albeit this, an old teaching from Catechism has kept me going a little everyday.
"God allows things to happen to you (good and bad) so to prepare you to handle what is coming up"
Is this true? Everyday I ask myself this question.
When will the time come when the holidays isn't a lonely period of time? It has been like that for so long that it almost feel second nature already. I am surprised that I haven't developed a seething hatred for this period of time.
Maybe the Xmas Play in Junior College helped a little. (so weird no? something so long ago and insignificant in many people's lives)
"When Hope Comes" was the title.
Back then I still fully believed in that.
That no matter how bad things turn out...Christmas is a shining beacon of light for those in the darkness of loss...sadness...loneliness.
I am damaged this way I guess. Jaded perhaps. Not as dramatic as you get from movies or television shows but a slow, quiet pained person.
I know I am not alone...this feeling is probably universal especially during the holidays. If only the world was a less cruel place. Then everyone can and will be happier.
But for now...just the next few days...I just want my wish to come true.
All I wish for this Xmas...is a little bliss.
2007-12-06
Attractiveness
Got this stupid thought stuck in my head since I woke up and just needed to get it out here: "What makes a person attractive?"
So? What actually DOES make a person attractive to another?
The basic answer I believe (especially in this day and age) is how the rest of the world has programmed us into thinking, "What is attractive".
The modern world, filled with magazines and endless streaming of television, radio and advertisement tells us that slim, fit people are attractive.
For men, a V-shaped torso with well toned muscles, tall (this is relative of course), man-scaped (this is relative again of course) and for some people, a good sized penis (Haha...again...very very relative to personal preferences).
For women, it's either a thin body that seems to resemble some sort of clothes rack or a voluptuous/curvaceous body with large breasts.
Of course...this is only a very very general description of what the modern world considers attractive. Don't fault me for being brief...I am too lazy to go into details.
But in some cultures (or even normal people), contrary to this "modern" perspective of attractiveness, people who are different to this 'template' (aka, being a little on the weighty side or just being different) are considered more desirable than the stick-insect-looking women or the "Adonis" male.
This is only the physical side of things of course.
Caught Part 2 on tele a few days ago of "Dr Tatiana's Guide to Sex for All Creatures" and it was interesting what she had brought up. Human beings are the only creatures in this world that attributes more than just physical makeup and the urge to find the best Genes for their offspring when choosing their mates.
So why are humans needing of more than just physical prowess or dominance or even just good Genes to be with someone? Is it a sub-conscious realisation that physical superiority during the phases of courtship will eventually fade with time? (Come on! that young tight body of your significant other will almost definitely disappear with age) Or is there a deeper need to fill an emotional space that animals might not experience or prioritise?
Makes good reflection material I think.
Of course there are people who still conform to their animalistic urges and you see them ending up with their perfect physical specimens despite their partners' lack of intelligence, morals or even common decency. Maybe they are acting on something more primal and instinctual. The need to find the strongest of the lot out there.
Ironically, the world is slowly becoming one of mental power and not physical.
Back in the stone age...physical prowess definitely "ruled them all" but today...the computer nerd back in school will probably own the company you work in.
So what makes a person attractive to you? Maybe it's time to think about what you really want. A scene from Ugly Betty made an impact on me. It was when someone pointed out that he was not as attractive as the model in the room, but what you see there (pointing at the model) will become this (points at himself) in 20 years. It just so happens that he got there first.
Cool huh? :P
What do I find attractive? That's the question I asked myself this whole morning. Pushing past the list of physical attributes (I should be the last to even make a list...I'm not exactly Brad Pitt here...but oh well), I realised the most important thing to me is to feel like I am actually wanted. If a woman makes it clear that she wants me, for me and for me to be there, DAMN!!! that is attractive. Maybe it points to other issues I face but hey...it's who/what I am.
So? What actually DOES make a person attractive to another?
The basic answer I believe (especially in this day and age) is how the rest of the world has programmed us into thinking, "What is attractive".
The modern world, filled with magazines and endless streaming of television, radio and advertisement tells us that slim, fit people are attractive.
For men, a V-shaped torso with well toned muscles, tall (this is relative of course), man-scaped (this is relative again of course) and for some people, a good sized penis (Haha...again...very very relative to personal preferences).
For women, it's either a thin body that seems to resemble some sort of clothes rack or a voluptuous/curvaceous body with large breasts.
Of course...this is only a very very general description of what the modern world considers attractive. Don't fault me for being brief...I am too lazy to go into details.
But in some cultures (or even normal people), contrary to this "modern" perspective of attractiveness, people who are different to this 'template' (aka, being a little on the weighty side or just being different) are considered more desirable than the stick-insect-looking women or the "Adonis" male.
This is only the physical side of things of course.
Caught Part 2 on tele a few days ago of "Dr Tatiana's Guide to Sex for All Creatures" and it was interesting what she had brought up. Human beings are the only creatures in this world that attributes more than just physical makeup and the urge to find the best Genes for their offspring when choosing their mates.
So why are humans needing of more than just physical prowess or dominance or even just good Genes to be with someone? Is it a sub-conscious realisation that physical superiority during the phases of courtship will eventually fade with time? (Come on! that young tight body of your significant other will almost definitely disappear with age) Or is there a deeper need to fill an emotional space that animals might not experience or prioritise?
Makes good reflection material I think.
Of course there are people who still conform to their animalistic urges and you see them ending up with their perfect physical specimens despite their partners' lack of intelligence, morals or even common decency. Maybe they are acting on something more primal and instinctual. The need to find the strongest of the lot out there.
Ironically, the world is slowly becoming one of mental power and not physical.
Back in the stone age...physical prowess definitely "ruled them all" but today...the computer nerd back in school will probably own the company you work in.
So what makes a person attractive to you? Maybe it's time to think about what you really want. A scene from Ugly Betty made an impact on me. It was when someone pointed out that he was not as attractive as the model in the room, but what you see there (pointing at the model) will become this (points at himself) in 20 years. It just so happens that he got there first.
Cool huh? :P
What do I find attractive? That's the question I asked myself this whole morning. Pushing past the list of physical attributes (I should be the last to even make a list...I'm not exactly Brad Pitt here...but oh well), I realised the most important thing to me is to feel like I am actually wanted. If a woman makes it clear that she wants me, for me and for me to be there, DAMN!!! that is attractive. Maybe it points to other issues I face but hey...it's who/what I am.
2007-10-31
Life Changes Life
Its been a while since I wrote again (well...a week actually).
I guess it takes more than just events to get me writing regularly.
Sometimes you just need to...'feel' the words...you know?
Anyways...I digress...
Quite a few things have happened over the past week.
There was the BBQ on Saturday afternoon to celebrate Jeff's bday.
Justin and I finally hammered down an arrangement for 20 Good Reasons that I am gonna use for my album.
And last night, we went to Il-Centro to celebrate Lindsay's bday.
All THAT...among other things.
I know I know...I still haven't written about the Dinner @ AC&UM's, the SSA Lawn Bowls nor the Hari Raya dinner. Hmm...Maybe I should update on that...but it'll make this post too long. Hahaha...I'll shelve it again.
So what has happened? Let's see.
On Saturday we had a little BBQ over my mine to celebrate Jeff's bday. Mervyn and I thought that it is a good idea to gather some friends over as well to have a mini-gathering at the same time. We had just enough food...it was amazing. I think there were a couple of steaks left (which Merv left in my fridge...still there btw) that we didn't cook but compared to past events...this was great. We all ate our fill definitely.
Photos to come soon.
On Sunday, after watching Matt on Aussie Idol do his version of 20 Good Reasons, I finally decided on the style of songs I want for the album.
Laid back and relaxed acoustic.
So I had a word with him online and we decided to give it a go on Monday night. Which we did. And without jumping the gun too much, I thought it turned out very nice. All we gotta do is work out a few more songs and hopefully...we'll start recording again soon. Hopefully there won't be a need for too much post-production as well.
Target: Still Christmas.
And last night was the best la...went to Il-Centro for dinner. Lindsay bought herself a bottle of Champagne and shared it with Nadia, Joel and myself.
Mmmmmm.....taste of the rich....hahaha.
It was good fun and good foooooooooooooooooood.
OMG...the Kangaroo Striploin I had was to die for!
And it wasn't gamey...tt's the best part. Usually when I prepare my own Kangaroo steaks...it turns out gamey. But still nice of course. ;)
We came back after dinner and had cake (to Lindsay's horror).
Didn't go to bed till 1am cos I was sitting in my room after that practicing singing. HARD WORK!
Photos to come as well.
But all that came to a minor halt when I woke up this morning feeling, firstly, bloated...the dinner was too rich I think...hahaha. And secondly, depressed cos of waking up alone after a fun night. But of course...it didn't come out of no where. There is always a reason. This time...it was finding out some...news from back home.
Through my various sources (can't reveal it else it'll be too obvious), I found out that the girl I mentioned a while back...the definitive crush of my life...is engaged. (crowd: GASPS! Oh dear!)
YES! That also lead up to the definitive punch to my gut.
I guess taking it into perspective...it shouldn't matter cos I chose not to tell her about my feelings back then. And even then...it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. She was the gorgeous super-smart girl that everyone loved. I was the fat, loud and untalented fool (not to mention...not very smart) who was silently infatuated with her.
That said...it still hurts to know that she is probably gone from reach...forever. I can't control it. It just does. I'd wish it away if I could...but that's just wishful thinking. Like all so many of my other stupid emotions that I experience on a daily basis. :(
Hug me to make me feel better?
LOL
I guess it takes more than just events to get me writing regularly.
Sometimes you just need to...'feel' the words...you know?
Anyways...I digress...
Quite a few things have happened over the past week.
There was the BBQ on Saturday afternoon to celebrate Jeff's bday.
Justin and I finally hammered down an arrangement for 20 Good Reasons that I am gonna use for my album.
And last night, we went to Il-Centro to celebrate Lindsay's bday.
All THAT...among other things.
I know I know...I still haven't written about the Dinner @ AC&UM's, the SSA Lawn Bowls nor the Hari Raya dinner. Hmm...Maybe I should update on that...but it'll make this post too long. Hahaha...I'll shelve it again.
So what has happened? Let's see.
On Saturday we had a little BBQ over my mine to celebrate Jeff's bday. Mervyn and I thought that it is a good idea to gather some friends over as well to have a mini-gathering at the same time. We had just enough food...it was amazing. I think there were a couple of steaks left (which Merv left in my fridge...still there btw) that we didn't cook but compared to past events...this was great. We all ate our fill definitely.
Photos to come soon.
On Sunday, after watching Matt on Aussie Idol do his version of 20 Good Reasons, I finally decided on the style of songs I want for the album.
Laid back and relaxed acoustic.
So I had a word with him online and we decided to give it a go on Monday night. Which we did. And without jumping the gun too much, I thought it turned out very nice. All we gotta do is work out a few more songs and hopefully...we'll start recording again soon. Hopefully there won't be a need for too much post-production as well.
Target: Still Christmas.
And last night was the best la...went to Il-Centro for dinner. Lindsay bought herself a bottle of Champagne and shared it with Nadia, Joel and myself.
Mmmmmm.....taste of the rich....hahaha.
It was good fun and good foooooooooooooooooood.
OMG...the Kangaroo Striploin I had was to die for!
And it wasn't gamey...tt's the best part. Usually when I prepare my own Kangaroo steaks...it turns out gamey. But still nice of course. ;)
We came back after dinner and had cake (to Lindsay's horror).
Didn't go to bed till 1am cos I was sitting in my room after that practicing singing. HARD WORK!
Photos to come as well.
But all that came to a minor halt when I woke up this morning feeling, firstly, bloated...the dinner was too rich I think...hahaha. And secondly, depressed cos of waking up alone after a fun night. But of course...it didn't come out of no where. There is always a reason. This time...it was finding out some...news from back home.
Through my various sources (can't reveal it else it'll be too obvious), I found out that the girl I mentioned a while back...the definitive crush of my life...is engaged. (crowd: GASPS! Oh dear!)
YES! That also lead up to the definitive punch to my gut.
I guess taking it into perspective...it shouldn't matter cos I chose not to tell her about my feelings back then. And even then...it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. She was the gorgeous super-smart girl that everyone loved. I was the fat, loud and untalented fool (not to mention...not very smart) who was silently infatuated with her.
That said...it still hurts to know that she is probably gone from reach...forever. I can't control it. It just does. I'd wish it away if I could...but that's just wishful thinking. Like all so many of my other stupid emotions that I experience on a daily basis. :(
Hug me to make me feel better?
LOL
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