Reality Checkmate

So I am home today.
Took the day off because I wanted a break from work and well...I am cooking for 12 people tonight so I gotta spend some time preparing and buying the groceries as well.
Feeling somewhat numb all over again.

A Reality Check is what I got a few days back.
The story is as such:
Debbie and Amy are in town and have been since last Friday.
So since that day...I have accompanied them on certain parts of their holiday.
Went to the Casino for brunch/lunch with them and AC&UM, to the gold coast for dinner as well as a Glow Worm Tour with Debs on Monday night. Tuesday night dinner with them and Nadia at the Purple Olive. Wednesday dinner at Singapura, Mt Coot-that and 3 Monkeys. And tonight...I'll be cooking for the bunch of them.

It has been fun. Really fun. Tiring as it may be.
This few days has been the highlight of my year.
But something has been biting into my chest since last week. It has been great to spend time...REAL time...with her again. But there was this invisible wall between us. Sigh!

The guys have been telling me to move on...to give up that little emotion that I still hold onto. All logic tells me to as well. She is not into me. She has someone else back home...someone who probably gives her the happiness that I want to give her. But...but...ARGH...I can't. I tried to suppress and forget. I tried indulging in other things and focus myself on other things.
I tried.
I tried and failed.
I don't want to lie to myself.
I still love her.
But there is nothing I can do about it.
It takes 2 hands to clap and all that jazz...etc

I want to reject this present reality and substitute my own.
How can I do that?
I want that manual to life's problems so I know what I can do right now.
It is truly impossible to get someone to love you back?
Are all pairings pre-destined in the stars...in our stars?
I want to win this game of chess with fate.
And hold her in my arms and protect her best that I can.
To bring that smile to her face everyday.
The smile I remember so clearly in my mind.
I want to make this Reality Checkmate.

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