Singing a Silent Serenade into an Empty Hall

It feels like that right now...my life.
Pointless...silly...to the point of stupidity.
Events of the past few days have brought me to this point again.
A period of self-reflection...deep reflection.
What do I want out of my life?
What am I doing?
Why am I torturing myself?

People are moving forward and I seem to be standing here...watching my friends and family move onto their future. I don't feel like I am moving forward. Well...maybe I am, but it just doesn't feel that way.

Who have I had contact with over the past few days that has provoked this sudden burst of runaway emotions?...let's see...
Justin, whom I had a good long conversation with about stuff happening all around us.
Alicia, who came up from Sydney for a short break. A person who has been moving forward at incredible speed since she left Brissy.
Namit, who is about to enter into a new phase in his life and throttled me to reflect more about what the hell I am doing, or not doing, with my life.
And even Moses, whom I haven't spoken to in a long long while but I read his last entry in his Friendster blog and it got me thinking as well.

The missing ingredient to my daily recipe of 'excitement' and 'adventure'?
I lack change.

I look at myself now, and compared it with myself 2 yrs ago.
Not much has changed.
Well...I don't think much has changed.
The body is creaking a little bit more, a lot more sore spots and that's about it.
My mind and emotions haven't really gotten a good positive kick-start.
My body (although I have sort of started a loose diet plan), still hasn't changed (improved).
My career is still the same as when I started. Ok la...got almost 2 yrs working experience under my belt now but still...it feels sorta stagnant.

I really do miss the times when change was rampant and compulsory. Back in the days of Uni. There was little choice in the matter.
People will arriving as fast as they were leaving Brisbane.
There was almost always another event from either SSA or the other Unis.
Emotions were running high, and crazy.

Now...well...it just feels............GREY.

Am I asking for too much?
Doesn't everyone feel sort of the same?
Or am I just imagining it?

I don't particularly enjoy change, but in the midst of a REAL lack of it, withdrawal sets in. It becomes a drug that your day-to-day cannot deal without.
I need to meet new people?
Feel alive again?
To be needed again?
Feel loved?
All of the above?

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