the one with clear thought

ok. so maybe i am not medically depressed (minor or not), as nadia pointed out recently.
doesn't change the fact that i havent really been feeling happy or even some form of emotional middleground.
just the basic low that you get when there is something looming over your head.

i ask myself a few questions everyday, and one of them is "why haven't i gotten over last year?"
or to put it more bluntly, "why haven't i gotten over her?"
somehow...even with hours of soul searching, i can't seem to find an answer i can be satisfied with.

guess that isn't all that is contributing to my all time low period.
another thing is also me not finding anything to live for.
my job is ok but something is missing from it that fills me with enthusiasm.
my health is crap, waking up to pain every morning.
and my life isn't really going anywhere.
probably all due to faults of my own.

perhaps i just don't have that person or people egging me on.
pushing me and encouraging me to do the things i want to do.
i guess that is a fault of being independent; relying on noboby except yourself.
this is not a phenomenon focalised purely on me.
i see it from other independent people but the happy ones found a balance somehow.

watched the 'Sex and the City' special last night @ Charlene's when we went over for dinner.
(lucky girl has free cable...grumble grumble)
one particular line stuck with me: "perhaps we can be each other's soulmates".
i guess deep down, all i want is to have someone like that.
someone who cares more than he/she should.
that'll be nice.