2006-04-18

the one with the long weekend

i woke up this morning feeling totally out of sync.
i guess that is a side effect of having too long a weekend and not having any rest for its whole duration.
i'm not complaining or anything. having things to do is totally cool, but perhaps, more rest time should've been made.

the easter weekend just flew by so fast. with no warning at all, the day moved from thursday to tuesday in a blink of an eye.

between friday's good friday service, saturday's bbq @ leon's and dinner @ joel's, sunday's lunch @ auntie christine's and fiddler on the roof in the afternoon, and finishing off with furniture shopping @ ikea on monday, there was almost no time for some REAL rest and relaxation.

i am still sleepy.

this easter is so different from the past few.
i was just thinking about this yesterday before i went to bed.
two years ago, it was a turning point for me. after a long period of time without attending mass or being involved in any church activity, i went back to the church. and thus began the next phase of my spiritual life.
last year, i believed it was a changing phase of my life entirely as i thought i'd finally found the happiness i have seeked for so long.
but this year, it didn't feel like anything at all.
it literally just came and went, and i didn't change any one bit.
or did i?

easter has always signified to catholics, as a time of rebirth, a time of change, a time to have a second chance. this didn't really had an impact on me until a couple of years back, when i needed a 'second chance'.

i wonder if the 'up swing' on that enlightenment has begun to turn.
or perhaps the 'high' has worn off.
maybe the time of self realisation has begun for me.
a chance for me to find out who i am and who i want to be.
my actions and feelings have revealed a lot about myself in the past few months.
what i am capable of doing, and in many ways, made me realise that i was very naive about the world around me.
the person who once believed that anything is possible, that if you really want something and work on it, it will come true.
that person is slowly fading into the shadows.
maybe that needed to happen, so that i can survive in this world.
because in some ways, we're alone here in this world, and if you cannot survive, the wolves are just around the corner.

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