the one with the heavy feeling

the bouts of loneliness are getting stronger everytime they arrive.
for months...this has been going on.
i know what i need to do to get out of this rut...i gave the same advice to friends before.
but i guess it is so much easier dishing it out than swallowing the same words.

i know i have friends who care.
i know i have people to help me out if i need it.
i know i probably will survive this and move on.
but i feel crap NOW.

i wish i was the type that can chicken out of life...
but that aint happening as well...too much pride i guess.
the heavy feeling in my chest is becoming too hard to bear.
the monster is back, and i have no weapon this time...