2007-08-29

Genesis of Self Harm

It usually starts with a word, an innocent word.
You ignored it at first but then it suddenly returns.
It festers in your mind and before you know it, you are focusing on the bad things it represents.
You become conscious of it.
You try to snap out of it but only to bring about more painful memories.
The pain from your past suddenly re-surfaces.
In your gut.
In your chest.
Your heart starts to beat faster, faster than it should.
A headache sets in.
Slowly.
Thump...THUMP...THUMP!!!
Pain grips your chest; you can't breath.
Tears well up on the sides of your eyes.
You just want it to end.
You don't want to remember the pain.
Every instance of rejection floods your thoughts.
Things you thought you got over but now they bulldoze over the little bit of sanity left in you.
It's illogical but it feels as real as the hands in front of you.
You feel tired...your chest still feels tight.
Tighter.
Self doubt sets in hard.
You aren't good enough for anyone.
No one will ever love you.
You'll forever be alone.
You can no longer control the tears from falling.
You want it to end.
And then you see the blade sitting on the table...

3 comments:

nadia said...

are u okay?

the-red-knight said...

Just writing la...
Heh
Thanks for the concern...
I was bored at night

Jeff said...

oei u damn free izzit? come out makan with me lah!