the one with the baby

havent really been writing about stuff happening in my life recently, so here's just one of those updates.

a colleague came back to work last week after taking 2 weeks off for the birth of his beautiful baby daughter. what an amazing miracle, he goes off 2 weeks before and returns a dad...wow.

sometimes i wonder whether in this day and age, when people are marrying later and when some think of the idea of marriage and having a family repulsive, is having the want to have a family of my own a weird thing. has the loneliness caught up this much that i actually want a family of my own? i really wonder.

so many things prompted this track of thought. my need of actually wanting someone to be close to in my life. my need of someone who can understand, tolerate and love me for who i am. my need of perhaps making a stamp of my existence in this world. a wife i love, children i can nurture, a family.

i have friends who want the same thing, but it seems that the dream is somewhat elusive and almost impossible. why is that? will it be simpler if i was back home in singapore and available to be with the ones i have/had feelings for? is the fact that i am in a foreign land, and not really close with any like-minded (more like lack of) people here?

finally i am at a stage where i know what i want. and i know i can give and provide for my family when i have one. except actually having someone to start a family with.
any takers?