the one with the chest pains

my chest has been really tight this morning.
not heart attack la...lol...else how am i typing this?

just the impending sense of doom and gloom.
so many things are happening around me, the conflicting thing about it is that i want to let it all out...confide in someone, but when opportunity presents itself, i just dont want to talk abt it.

pain(literally), anxiety, loneliness, panic, overwhelming responsibilities and helplessness.
somehow all mixed into one and i am struggling to handle all of it.
all my energy is used to keep a composed front.
i wonder how long i can keep this up.

i hate feeling this way. i can vaguely remember a time when i was just happy, with just stupid little things to worry about. things that wont mean throwing my hopes and dreams aside to do the right thing, be the adult, to survive in this world, to be responsible for the ones i love.

i am waiting for a saviour, but i dont think anyone is on their way...