What is this feeling?
A sense of longing?
Of Belonging.
Of something of past?
It's fading really fast...
Screaming silently.
Tearing my heart into pieces.
Into dust.
Nostalgia...
It sucks...maybe.
2009-05-11
2009-04-11
New-ness
I have always wondered how things will be different if I bought a place of my own.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.
Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.
How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.
There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...
But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.
Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.
How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.
There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...
But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.
2009-04-02
2009-02-17
The One With The Wondering
So how long has it been this time?
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?
Lots!
Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.
So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.
OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
SIGH.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.
I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?
Lots!
Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.
So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.
OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
SIGH.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.
I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.
2009-02-02
2009-01-14
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part5] - Signing off from the SG
My holiday is over.
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.
Haha.
So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.
Haha.
So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)
2009-01-09
The Doctor says it best
Quoted from Doctor Who 2008 Christmas Special (The Next Doctor)
"They leave because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them … forget me. I suppose in the end, they break my heart."
"They leave because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them … forget me. I suppose in the end, they break my heart."
2009-01-01
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part4] - Happy New Year!!!
There was a post I didn't have the time to complate writing back then.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html
It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:
New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac
It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?
Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.
Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html
It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:
New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac
It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?
Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.
Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.
2008-12-31
Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part3]
So it is finally New Year's Eve.
The last day of 2008.
Year in review:
- Started a newer healthier lifestyle (even if it did start only in Oct)
- Lost 10kg (hopefully I won't gain it all back in SG)
- Got a raise
- Kept my job
- Got my Hepatitis Vaccination done finally
- Went to the doc to get a full body check
- Tried to be the best person I can be (but don't we do this everyday?)
- Went to church almost every Sunday (might have been 1 or 2 when I was too sick to move)
- Got pre-approved for a Home Loan
- Got my taxes in order FINALLY!
- Kept 1 fish alive
Can't remember what else I did this year.
Hmm....
Decided to go with a concrete list of things to get done in 2009 as opposed to this year. That might help with my direction and execution.
So what's in store for 2009:
- Lose another 30kg (to my target 90, actually....going back to double digit weight is gonna be YEAH!)
- Get the rest of my body fixed
- Change my look (Superficial aren't I?)
- Get healthier
- Get more active again
- Keep my job
- Buy a home
- Be more active in church?
- Be more spiritual
- Be more attuned/Pay more attention to God's messages for me
- Keep my taxes in order
- Keep fish alive
- Find and acknowledge some small little piece of happiness for myself
That's it really.
Nothing more to report this year except for Deb's party later.
Maybe I'll have someone to kiss on the stroke of midnight this year...nah...not going to happen.
Photos:
Mount Tambourine Road Trip
Christmas Party @ Deb's
Michelle's Wedding
The last day of 2008.
Year in review:
- Started a newer healthier lifestyle (even if it did start only in Oct)
- Lost 10kg (hopefully I won't gain it all back in SG)
- Got a raise
- Kept my job
- Got my Hepatitis Vaccination done finally
- Went to the doc to get a full body check
- Tried to be the best person I can be (but don't we do this everyday?)
- Went to church almost every Sunday (might have been 1 or 2 when I was too sick to move)
- Got pre-approved for a Home Loan
- Got my taxes in order FINALLY!
- Kept 1 fish alive
Can't remember what else I did this year.
Hmm....
Decided to go with a concrete list of things to get done in 2009 as opposed to this year. That might help with my direction and execution.
So what's in store for 2009:
- Lose another 30kg (to my target 90, actually....going back to double digit weight is gonna be YEAH!)
- Get the rest of my body fixed
- Change my look (Superficial aren't I?)
- Get healthier
- Get more active again
- Keep my job
- Buy a home
- Be more active in church?
- Be more spiritual
- Be more attuned/Pay more attention to God's messages for me
- Keep my taxes in order
- Keep fish alive
- Find and acknowledge some small little piece of happiness for myself
That's it really.
Nothing more to report this year except for Deb's party later.
Maybe I'll have someone to kiss on the stroke of midnight this year...nah...not going to happen.
Photos:
Mount Tambourine Road Trip
Christmas Party @ Deb's
Michelle's Wedding
2008-12-27
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