The Next Exit

Year end review 2011

2012-01-01T00:04:00.001+10:00

This is when I usually review the year and look at all the good times with a smile and sigh at all my regrets.

This year I am not going to.

It has been an interesting year. Not a good one, but an interesting one.

Doesn't matter though.
2012 will be better. Plans are in place. And I know what I need to do.

So happy new year you all. And have a great 2012!!!

Come What May

2011-12-30T23:35:00.004+10:00

The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return

Your Song

2011-12-30T23:32:00.003+10:00

Just something I feel like...

需要人陪 (Xu Yao Ren Pei) - Wang Lee Hom

2011-11-24T01:40:00.001+10:00

打开窗户让孤单透气
这一间屋子如此密闭
欢呼声仍飘在空气里
像空无一人一样华丽

我渐渐失去知觉
就当做是种自我逃避
你飞到天的边缘
我也不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

闭上眼睛就看不清
这双人床欠缺的温馨
谁能陪我直到天明
穿透这片迷蒙寂静

我渐渐失去知觉
就当做是种自我逃避
你飞到天的边缘
我已不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

柴米油盐酱醋茶(Chai Mi You Yan Jiang Cu Cha) - Wang Lee Hom

2011-11-24T01:31:00.003+10:00

小时候你想要什麽我要一臺大大蓝色的飞机
带我环遊世界到地球每一个角落在蓝天白云中穿梭

而长大以後我想要什麽我要一臺小小红色答录机
和你一起录下喂我们现在不在家蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

小时候你想要什麽我要一臺大大蓝色的飞机
带我环遊世界到地球每一个角落在蓝天白云中穿梭

哦长大以後我想要什麽我要一臺小小红色答录机
和你一起录下喂我们现在不在家蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

给你快乐无论白天黑夜握紧双手就算刮风下雨
我就是要你要你待在我身边保护你直到永远

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

月儿弯弯爱的傻没有一个理由
活的那麽复杂有了你什麽都不差

Can't Stop

2011-11-24T01:28:00.002+10:00

:'(

You're Beautiful MV - Without Words (Park Shin Hye & Jang Geun Suk)

2011-06-28T16:50:00.002+10:00

The weather is perfect today...

2011-06-28T16:17:00.002+10:00

but my insides feel completely opposite.

I can only sing the songs...

2011-06-28T06:27:00.000+10:00

but you won't be listening.
I can only say the words...
but you can't hear them.
I can only feel the way I do...
but you'll never know.

夠愛

2011-06-14T14:14:00.002+10:00

Peaceful Solitude vs Noisy Companionship

2011-01-23T11:47:00.001+10:00

Which do you prefer?
I sometimes ask myself this question.
Lunching at MacArthur Central alone this Sunday.
It's always nice to be able to eat a meal quietly and at your own pace. No screaming children around nor incessant chattering of people around. Ah!!! Peace!

On the other hand, it's lonely to eat alone. Despite my aversion to pointless conversation topics, it's sometimes a better alternative to having a meal by oneself.

It's the same at church every Sunday.
Hundreds of people in the cathedral but I still feel so alone at Mass every week. I have no one to share this with, no one to go with.

So it begs the question again.
Peaceful solitude? Or noisy companionship?

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: 1 Week Later

2011-01-20T21:25:00.001+10:00

So it has been a week since the flood waters entered the Brisbane CBD.
Damage was extensive and several (and I mean many) places were under water for a while.
Most places were up and running within 48hrs but the lifts were a different thing.
Only got my lifts back on Monday evening.
Too long...too late I think.
I had already climbed up to my apartment a few times before that point and my legs were (and still is) very much in pain.

Everyone else seems to think it's a stamina/fitness problem for me but they really don't understand.
It's true that I am unfit and stamina is definitely an issue but it's the pain that drains my energies.
My knees are not in great condition (sports injury + weight + constant wear and tear) and it normally already hurts if I strain it too much.
Constantly forcing them to work more than they can handle was not a smart option but essential back then. :(

Anyways...1 week after the waters came, the Brisbane CBD is recovering at an unimaginable rate.
Took a walk in the botanic gardens on my way to work @ QUT this morning and it was as if the flood never happened (ignoring the gigantic pile of dirt and mush piled up to one side).
Most of the CBD is already back in action and even places that were under water have re-opened and have mostly been cleaned up.
Only the underground carparks are still not ready.
The Brisbane River water level is still quite high and probably still causing some minor flooding in those deep underground carparks.

The rest of Brisbane City is still reeling badly from the floods of course.
The constant warning (and possibility) of another storm hitting Brisbane and places further up the catchment area is giving grief to many people who are still trying to recover from the deluge.
I really do feel for people have suffered from the flood and hopes to be able to help to the best of my limited abilities.

But it really begs to wonder...with last week's flood event old news and the media already moving on to sensationalise other news, will people truly remember the carnage...like how the CBD seemed to have already forgotten all about it?

The one with the things you don't want on your mind

2011-01-18T23:36:00.000+10:00

Sigh...I wish I didn't have that conversation with the boys the other night.
Got me thinking about stuff I don't want to think about.
I was mulling in meh-ness but now I am miserable instead.
:(

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 2

2011-01-14T02:56:00.000+10:00

Wasn't able to sleep last night but the radio was definitely a great companion when you are stranded alone.
Finally went to bed around 2.30am and set the alarm for 4.30am to check how the highest peak of the flood looked like.
Woke up to find that it wasn't that bad.

PHEW!!!

The peak was about 90cm lower than the predicted height and you have no idea how much that made things a lot less bad.
If it did hit that height, even Joel's place might have been powered down.
Fortunately for them, their power never got cut throughout the deluge.

Went back to bed immediately after realising that it wasn't that bad.
Woke up around 11am with a brainstorm.
I have gas, I have water, I have a lighter.
So I cooked up all my fish balls and used the remaining water to cook a package of instant noodles.
Something I never would've done without thinking about conserving water.
I also used the water used to rinse bowls to help flush the toilets.
Water conservation was definitely well in play.

I started with 11 bottles of 1.25L bottles of water and 1 half jug of water in the fridge.
Now looking at my supply, I still have 7.5 bottles of water plus 1/4 jug of water in the fridge.
Not bad for slightly over 1 day, especially when I wasted 1 whole bottle flushing without thinking of using it first.

Around 2pm I decided to go back to my "hibernation" routine only to wake up at 4ish.
I was feeling this breeze on my feet and was surprised.
My first thought was that it probably was a breeze from the outside but it was too constant.
Got up to find the fan working!

YAY!!!

Power was restored.
But I was confused, it was 4pm...when the high tide was supposed to raise the water levels again. How can there be power.
Turned on the radio and found out that the river levels were much lower than expected again.

To make full use of the unknown length of power, I plugged the laptop back to get recharged and also my mobile.
Logged on and got onto Facebook and MSN to let people know that I was safe.
But the power got cut again within 10-15mins...only to be restored again 10-15mins later.
I was wondering whether I should get out of the building via the lifts.
Really didn't want to escape a bad situation only to get stuck in the lifts.

Eventually I decided (after talking to Joel) to leave and grab some dinner.
Long story short, visited Joel's, found out that my lifts were dead again, went for dinner anyways, climbed 19 floors.
Now I am exhausted and getting ready for bed.
Hopefully the lifts can get fixed by tomorrow and I can start receiving friends here who need a little rest, a warm meal and most importantly...power to recharge their devices.

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 1

2011-01-12T22:33:00.002+10:00

So it's 10:25pm at the moment here and most of the day has passed without much hassle.
"Hibernating" during a crisis like this does help a little cos I don't have to think about food nor water much.
We'll see how this goes tomorrow.

So the "excitement" started after lunch today.
- Power to the building got cut
- I found out that no power = no water = no lavatory facilities
- Actually saw water filling up the "Vision" worksite next door
- Actually saw most of Albert street covered with water. (It still isn't completely submerged)
- Had a minor panic breakdown and almost evacuated to Joel's place without thinking it through
- Regained composure and decided to stay put just in time

So it's reported that the worst of the deluge will happen in the next 6hrs, around 4am tomorrow morning.
The floodwater will be about 1m or higher than it's current height then.
It will last for an unknown amount of time before (supposedly) it begins to subside and start to get better.

That's all to report for Day 1.
I suspect tomorrow will be another day fill with misadventures here in Rivercity Apartments.
Hopefully no more car alarms, fire alarms and crazy neighbour singing opera.
You know...despite all of this, my spirits are still quite good.

Another Year, Another Rainy Season, Another Hopeful Break

2011-01-09T22:59:00.003+10:00

It's 2011.
It's finally 2011.
Well...it has been 2011 for 9 days already.
Things started off well (despite the rain) and I can only be hopeful that it stays well for another 356 days.

Started at QUT finally, helping with the ISS Accommodations Office.
It's a good job.
It's different.
Provides variety to what I consider "work".
So now I have 2 jobs that I like to do.
I only need to get one of them to become a little more permanent.

I was just talking to Mervyn the other day and realised that ever since I started in the workforce after university, I have been working in jobs where I get paid in hourly rates.
This SUCKS!
There is no stability (which I crave) and there is this looming financial uncertainty all the time.
Sigh!!!
But this year has potential to bring forth a little more fortunes for the Monkey (if you believe in that sort of thing) and I intend to milk it for all it's worth.

So I leave the past few years behind in the dark corner from which it grew and festered and now there is only a bright sky of possibility (again...despite the rain) for me.
Time to SMILE! :)

My Thoughts . . .

2010-09-19T23:15:00.000+10:00

I haven't really been writing a lot recently and I think part of the reason is because of bad time management and I no long write down impromptu stuff that comes to mind when I am doing other stuff in my life.
Eg. When I am walking down the street and I see something interesting or after a bad day of teaching or even having a totally relaxed day at home having done NOTHING.

I used to keep note of what I want to write about, albeit just a small note of the topic. I still do that on the phone with the Notes app but seriously...I hardly refer back to anything I noted there.

So I'll list down a few things I want to write about now and the next few posts will be on those 'topics'.
If you're reading this, help a dude out and suggest a few things that I can basically use to exercise my writing/thinking/brooding skills. ;)
Beginning to sound like 'Grumpy Old Men'.

So the next few posts might be about Bernie's(That's me) thoughts . . .
. . . on Friendship
. . . on Religion (All the Good Stuff)
. . . on Religion (All the BAD Stuff)
. . . on Living Abroad
. . . on Teaching as a Career
. . . on Being Single (and HATING it)
. . . on Being Single (and LOVING it)
. . . *Please help with more topics*

Recurring Themes

2010-09-18T09:36:00.000+10:00

The dreams have returned...
Hmm......
I blame loneliness and the topics discussed last night before bed.
:P

Lyrics - Grow Old With You

2010-09-07T20:43:00.002+10:00

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

National Day 2010

2010-08-09T13:05:00.001+10:00

Wish I was back home.

Hugs :)

2010-07-23T02:54:00.000+10:00

Dreams...

2010-06-06T17:37:00.001+10:00

What are your dreams?
Not sleep-dreams. More like dreams about what you want or dreams you had when you were younger about what you want to become when you grew up.

This came to mind yesterday and after much thought, I realised that I don't have or have forgotten what my dreams were.

So how can I truly move forward without something to aim for in the horizon? Is the only way for me to move forward to find a new and clear dream?

A Letter to my 16 year old self (Inspired by Ames)

2010-05-26T23:29:00.005+10:00

Dude,

It has been almost 14 years since I last saw you.
Almost half my lifetime ago.
You are about to take your 'O' Level Exams to determine which path you'll take for the next 2-3 years before serving NS(not THAT bad as it sounds).

So why is an older version of yourself writing to you?
1. Warnings!
2. Words of Wisdom
3. Cos I have nothing better to do while waiting for students to show up for class. (YES! You end up a teacher (for now) and possess dry humour)

[Secondary School]
Please do study harder for your 'O's.
You'll do just fine at the pace you're at and after some running around (literally), you eventually get into the JC you want.
But before you do that, it'll be great if you had more choices. Don't just aim for the school you want.
Aim higher!
Prove to yourself and others that you can actually achieve anything you aspire to OR you might end up having to "prove yourself" every step of the way in the future.

Read More...

[Junior College]
Eventually, I think, you'll end up in CJC by choice.
Don't worry.
You'll make great friends, some of whom you still keep in contact with whenever you are back in SG.
[Oh! Did I forget to mention? I am not in SG at the moment.
I have been in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia for the
better part of 8-9 years.]
But while you are in CJ, PICK YOUR SUBJECTS CAREFULLY.
As much as you want to study Arts, perhaps consider Science.
It is easier to get better grades in (especially with you brain) and, trust me, it will be easier to get into any University with better 'A' Level results (DUH! But I did not even consider that point when I did it 14 years ago).

Your ECAs in CJ will also make the best memories while you are still young.
Previews:
1. LOM
2. CAC
3. Christmas Play
4. Orientation Facilitator
All good stuff. Just don't neglect your studies.
Even in Arts, you'll be great in Year1. You'll be within the top 10 students.
Great Achievement!!!
But you will not do well in your 'A's.
Why???
There are a few reasons and maybe you can avoid them if you take heed of my advice.

Don't slack off.
Don't burn out. Study at a slow pace.
Don't skip school as much cos of a measly ingrown toenail. Get the operation done, heal up, go back.
AVOID THE HANDBALL TOURNAMENT!!! Your knee will be injured permanently.
Don't get your heart broken by a girl who won't give you the time of day!!!
On the final night of the Christmas Play that you Directed, say a few words. Thank the people involved with the production, the actors, the stage hands, the teachers who helped and encouraged us, and God who guided us through the whole process even though we had no script at the beginning.
Start eating healthier and do a little more exercise. The injury won't help this of course but at least start now. You'll thank me later.
Finally, don't lose contact with the people at church. Especially M. You'll regret it completely one day.

Maybe you'll turn out better off than me after 2 years in JC. I sure hope so. There were so many regrets and incorrect choices I made back then and I wish you never have to experience them yourself.

[National Service]
You know...one weird thing is that for 2.5 yrs after your 'A' Levels, your time spent in the Army will not be all that bad, BMT included.
Perhaps this is thanks to that injury I warned you about.
Having a busted knee does reduce the intensity of the training (Maybe that was not really a good thing in retrospect).

This will be the best time for you to get fit.
There is a lot of free time and you pick up some skills as a mechanic.
Learn something new every day or just implement a better business process (OMG...IT Jargon) in the workshop.
If only you have the knowledge I have now...sigh!!!

The people you meet in the Army will also lead your life on a different path altogether. Someone will introduce you to Hui & Kuah, an agent for overseas studies, mainly for Australia.
YES...that explains how I ended up in Australia...but that's another long story for another time.

Your 2.5 yrs will sail by like the wind. Gone before you know it, and like the wind, a distant faint memory.

So that's the run down/preview to the next 5 yrs of your life.
Excited?
I sure hope so.
As cliche as it sounds, those years you'll never get back.
Treasure them! REALLY do!
Take more photos and make more memories.
I can't recall much anymore but maybe it's because I took so many things for granted back then.

So that's all for now.
What to know more?
I'll write again to let you know what happened once I arrived in Australia and started another phase in my life.
Maybe you can learn from it too.

Till then,
Your Older Self

Blogging @ MacArthurs

2010-05-16T13:45:00.001+10:00

It seems that I blog only when I come here for lunch on Sundays whenever I am alone for the weekend.

Not bad really. The place is cleaned up and all nicely renovated. They even have a sushi bar and Hanaichi open on Sunday now. Yum.

Eye candy has also increased. Haha. Japanese candy. It's like this place is a chosen hotspot. Not bad not bad.

Coincidentally...my lunch is made up of jap food items only. Pork curry rice topped off with a salmon roll and a karaage roll. Washed down with a bottle of lychee tea. Ah!!! The good life.

Now onto grocery shopping and hopefully ...some more marking done.
Sigh. Aside from the Onde Onde I made yesterday, I didn't do anything constructive at all this weekend.

A Change of Perspective

2010-01-14T14:00:00.002+10:00

I had this page opened in my browser for more than a week and I finally buckled down and read it top to bottom.
http://www.news.gov.sg/public/sgpc/en/media_releases/agencies/pmo/transcript/T-20091228-1

It's a good read really.

Despite the image I had of MM LKY in my mind, I was quite impressed with his points of view. Especially when several of them actually mirror my own. In areas concerning religion and national (more like societal) responsibilities, we actually have quite similar opinions (based on this interview of course).

If you gave this piece (and LKY) a chance, free from emotional outcry, you can actually see that he is actually very 'forward thinking'. Unlike the image most of us have of a man unwilling to let go of the reins and of the past.

Maybe it's the 'morning brain' or maybe it's that leftover ice coffee I left in the fridge, but one this is for sure, my respect of LKY and confidence in my own views have grown somewhat a little this morning.

******************************

Damage?

2010-01-12T03:30:00.001+10:00

Can people be damaged to a point that they cannot be healed back to when they first started?
A not-so-random thought.

******************************

Twitterific

2010-01-04T14:33:00.000+10:00

Adding Twitter into my everyday life.
It's now on my blog, facebook and iPhone.
Can't escape the world...so lets join it.

OH!
Amazingly...I actually hit the limit on my NIB pharmaceutical claim limit for 2009.
Haha...that's all good but my Nov and Dec claims were non-existent!
:(

Sigh...
Least that is off my list of things to do.
Gotta post Deb's stuff...already got the mail parcel...all I need now is to bubble wrap the thing.
*** LAZY ***

******************************

Another Year...Another...

2010-01-04T05:26:00.004+10:00

I wonder what the new year beholds.
~~It's almost dawn~~ It's dawn already and I still am not in bed.
Probably not a good way to start a new year, a new work week.
Fortunately I do not have classes till Wednesday.
Another WHOLE day.
But I love it nonetheless.

So what do I need to do once I awake?

collect mail
claim medical from NIB
finish marking assignments and returning them to students
prepare a revision for my programming students
eat
breathe once so often
drink

In no particular order of course.

Maybe I'll start to write a lot more this year.

Just finished watching "The End of Time" Parts 1 and 2 of Doctor Who.
David Tennant's last appearance on the show.
And the 'death' of 10th Doctor.
I miss him already...

**************************

Two Oh Oh Nine (2009) In Review

2009-12-31T17:43:00.006+10:00

Ah! 2009 is almost over.
I can't believe I put this off for almost 2 hours.
Perhaps subconsciously I was dreading thinking back over the past year and re-live the nonsense I went through.
It wasn't THAT bad really.
Just lots of ups and downs...loneliness and times filled with people...depression and elation...you know...the usual tones of a year gone by.

So let us start from the beginning, shall we?
The year started off pretty good actually.
Was still in Singapore and attended a few weddings of some old friends (one in particular was heart-breaking...for me that is...but that's another story).
Everything seemed smooth sailing right up till I got back to Brissy.
The Drama then began!

Within a month of returning to the office, I was informed that my services were no longer sustainable at FAST, and I was given my 4 weeks notice (at least there was that). Blame the GFC or just higher management decisions...it doesn't matter.
What really screwed me over was that at the same period of time, I was looking for and had found a new apartment to buy. The owners of the often missed Unit 2405 had decided to switch over to short-term leasing with OAKS (pooi!) and Lindsay and I were naturally informed of this last year.

I found an apartment with a great pricetag and promptly put in an offer, without much thought of anything that might derail my plans. But lo and behold (Murphy would have been so proud), the news of my lay off came on the same week I was given the option to back out of my offer (the owners have already accepted).
So what could I do? Back down and let this apartment fly out of my reach forever? Let this frustrating situation f**k up my plans for home ownership?
NO!
I went ahead (despite all the annoying little voices inside telling me not to) and bought the apartment. Naturally, this is exactly where I am writing this annual summary. In MY room of MY apartment. BRING IT ON! (well...not really...have mercy!)

After that, it was a long 3-4 months of job searching and waiting for some opportunity to pop up. I did little odd jobs to get some income in but mostly not enough to sustain loan repayments and living costs. My Savings had its life sucked dry very slowly.

But a twist of fate did bring some lucky fortune my way for once this year in June.
This was during Marion's visit to Brisbane. She bunked over at my place while she stopped over in Brissy and we had a short but good catching up. Perhaps she was my lucky charm as I had a successful interview for a teaching position at the Central Queensland University's Brisbane campus.

I ended up teaching 2 classes.
1. Java Programming
2. Database Development and Management

LOVE IT!
Ever since I decided against going into teaching (after my parents' disapproval) straight after NS, this is the first time I had a chance to actually return to that old dream.
I had originally planned to complete some post-grad studies before heading back to SG (eventually) to try for a teaching position at one of the Polytechnics.
The Fates definitely have a weird way of pushing me in the direction I wanted to go.

Right now, I still tip-toe along the thin line between being comfortable and having not enough to make my monthly repayments & quarterly body corps fees and city council rates; not to mention living expenses. But things are looking up as I might have more classes next semester onwards. &Fingers crossed*

Looking back...it truly wasn't a overly exciting year.
Only a few events (albeit MAJOR ones) had happened.
But they are more than enough for me to handle...more than enough for most I reckon.

All that's left is the emotional ups-and-downs for 2009.
THAT/THIS was actually what made this year so long and, at times, unbearable.

Where do we begin.
Sigh...
I don't even feel like mentioning them actually.
Ranging from loneliness, uncertainty, disappointment, repressed frustration, repressed anger, the loneliness, yearning, loss, the 'what if's, mental numbness, have I mentioned the Loneliness??!

ROFL
It really did suck.
Friends left or planning to leave Brissy for good, the "What if..." moments that occupied my mind all the time, the constantly returning "VOID" in my chest.
A head doctor might look at me over the last 12 months and declare me "depressed".
But I know better than to let that get me down.
I soldiered on...always...as much as possible...with a smile on my face.
All the while feeling this pain...behind my chest...between my 2nd and 3rd rib.

So I will trudge on...into the 2010s...still hoping to fill this empty space, left by years of neglect.
Next year might be a better one...it certainly seems to be heading in that general direction for my career.
Maybe my personal life will follow suit.

At that...I am done.
2009 will not be a year I will forget easily (or I might...who knows...I have many gaps in my memory all the time).

I wish you all a Merry Christmas (12 days remember?) and a Wonderful, Joyous, and a Happy New Year!

And in case anyone is wondering, I want this

for Christmas next year! ;)

**************************

Quiet Corner Invasion

2009-09-20T13:02:00.001+10:00

OMG...my quiet corner of MacArthur central where I have my KFC has been invaded. So many people. Sigh.

Can't think quietly anymore. :(

Fields of Gold - Sting

2009-09-02T20:15:00.002+10:00

Sting-fields of Gold - Watch a funny movie here

You know how some songs just bring a tear to your eye?
This is one of mine.

Fields Of Gold
Sting

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

JB Hifi Madness

2009-07-30T14:19:00.001+10:00

Aaaaaargh!!!
A new
JB Hifi is opening soon at the MacArthur Central foodcourt.
The temptation will grow exponentially whenever I buy groceries.
Is that bad? Hahaha.

Of All Things...

2009-07-28T00:24:00.002+10:00

You know...of all things that can bring a tear to my eye, the only book or set of book that can do that is Harry Potter.
I dunno why.
Getting sucked into the story is so easy.
Just finished reading The Half Blood Prince again...Just felt like doing it after arranging my books on the shelf.
Going to start on the final book again soon.
This is why the movies are important to me...seeing the story in front of me...'REAL' and such...makes it all the more...well...real.
I can't wait really.
Next year November and then in 2011...near my birthday...That's my plan.
For my 31st, that's where I'll be...at the Movies.

Familiar Settings

2009-07-26T13:41:00.001+10:00

This scene is familiar.
Me sitting at the quiet part of the MacArthur's foodcourt. Just finished my KFC lunch and a magazine on the table. Listening to music typical of shopping centre foodcourts.
It was a few weeks ago I think that I was here.

It's interesting to be alone sometimes. It gives one a chance to reflect. To be away from the normal crowds on the city streets. But yet not at home alone where you get a different feeling. I get a sense of peace albeit with a little loneliness.

Just thinking about what has happened over the last few weeks. Blessed I am to find and get the job that I enjoy doing. To be able to work less hours than most, do my own things because now I have time, and strive to self improve.

With all this comes that reminder that I don't have someone to share this joy with. Not being greedy. I know I should be happy and thankful for what I already have. Just on Thursday I was telling Mervyn about the joys of just being happy about the little joys in life. Free dinner compliments of Conrad Treasury isn't that bad no?

I am positive the feeling will pass. But for now. Short as it possibly may. I am lonely.

Me, Harry and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-21T17:58:00.002+10:00

Just came home after watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
Wow.
Loved it.
Darker, sadder, but yet with hints of hope and happiness.
I know the plot already since I have already read the book but still...like the ones before this...watching it on the big screen always makes it a little more special.
My emotions were definitely pulled along as the movie unfolded.
And if you believe in mood rings - I only realised this AFTER walking out of the cinema - mine was red/white.
I think that reflects excitation/frustration?
All true at the end of the movie.

Can't wait for the final 2 movies based off the last book.
I sure hope they space them only months apart.
Sure can't imagine waiting years between the last 2 especially since they are from the same book.

Wow.
Loved it.
I know...they are the same 2 lines above but nothing says 'TRUE' better than repetition.
;)

Teaching Matters

2009-07-15T18:40:00.001+10:00

I am exhausted. Now I understand the suffering my teachers had to go through back when I was still a student.

Being on your feet for most of the day.
Speaking for almost 8hrs straight.
Brain working overtime searching for the correct answers to questions from students.

But it's satisfying. After a long day, there is really a sense of accomplishment. Hopefully the sentiment isn't an illusion.

So let me enjoy this absolutely yummy curry chicken rice that has just arrived at my table. Mmmmmm.

Mobile Blogging

2009-06-21T13:52:00.001+10:00

You know. This is cool. Now I can blog while on the move.
Got this new app on the iPhone that allows for text blogging for free.
Heh
Much easier.
Sitting at MacArthur central after a 5 wing pack for lunch from KFC reading a free mag.
Nice.
Relaxing.
But a little lonely.
The rain patters away outside while lounge music echoes away in here.
I miss someone alot.
Not that it matters....

我的心怀

2009-06-11T02:37:00.003+10:00

为什么会那么伤心？
一个人坐在这里，
心一直在伤痛，
想到了伤心的往事。
孤独的一身，
这是我的天命吗？
要跟天意挣扎吗？
还是要抵抗吗？
就让我跟天意斗牛吧！

Nostalgia

2009-05-11T15:36:00.002+10:00

What is this feeling?
A sense of longing?
Of Belonging.
Of something of past?
It's fading really fast...
Screaming silently.
Tearing my heart into pieces.
Into dust.
Nostalgia...
It sucks...maybe.

New-ness

2009-04-11T00:50:00.003+10:00

I have always wondered how things will be different if I bought a place of my own.
Becoming a home owner...taking another step into adulthood.
But who knew...I had to lose my stable source of income at the same time.
Now I have to fight harder to survive.
Now I need to make sure I do not ever depend on others to dictate how my future unfolds.

Never would I have thought that I'd need to take so many steps at the same time.

How many people I know lead their lives allowing others to lead them to their tomorrows? After finding that first or second job and leave their fates to their employers.
Maybe not that many but I am sure there are enough to be significant.

There are still many things I need to learn...to experience...to suffer from...to rejoice about...to cry over...to keenly remember.
It takes a lot to keep it all together.
No Excuses!
I need still need to do it at the end of the day.
A little help and comfort helps of course...and I still seek that source everyday.
That corner that I can retreat to...to find comfort...to find peace.
I thought it was a house or apartment but what I need is a home...a place with loved ones...a place with family.
Does that mean I should go home? My Singaporean home.
I dunno...

But for now...this new place is my home.
I have to make it the best it can be...which means I gotta unpack everything really soon, find a stable job or source of income, and maybe...just maybe...I can find my NEW life and happiness.

Samsara

2009-04-02T15:14:00.001+10:00

what keeps a drop of water from drying up?

throw it into the sea...

The One With The Wondering

2009-02-17T23:59:00.002+10:00

So how long has it been this time?
2 weeks?
Well....4 weeks since I properly wrote anything.
What has been happening?
Lots!

Well...firstly...my previous post was as such because I was FIRED!
Sort of.
After 3.5 years, I was finally asked to leave FAST.
Financial reasons within the company has made it impossible to retain me as a contractor.
Sigh...perhaps I had been at FAST for too long a time, as a contractor. I have been absolutely neglecting my self-development and got too comfortable at this one workplace.
Contractors are supposed to last maybe 3-6 mths at a project...and move on.
I had a good run.
But I wasn't expecting it.
That was the problem.
I was shocked...lost...devastated.
It felt like I was being rejected again.
It was irrational behaviour but it was a real emotion I felt.

So with 2 weeks' notice given, I was left without a job.
Olivier offered something for 4-6 weeks but that is temporary as well.
Gotta find myself something to live on.
- Tutoring at the various colleges in Brisbane?
- Taking up a course so I can work as a Barista?
- Going back to work as a programmer?
- Or return to Singapore and try pursue my eventual dream...to teach at a Poly or Uni.
I wonder what is going to happen.

OH! I bought an apartment.
A unit in Rivercity.
And till yesterday....it was just hurdle after hurdle.
SIGH.
There is still one small hitch but I am sure God will make it work for me.

I am tired and confused about life.
About my Future.
About Love...or the lack of it.
I am still figuring out stuff...I thank God for all I have...I just need direction now.
And maybe...God Willing...some Love too.

The One With The Uncertain Future

2009-02-02T18:22:00.000+10:00

What am I supposed to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part5] - Signing off from the SG

2009-01-14T16:49:00.003+10:00

My holiday is over.
In a few hours, I'll be on a plane heading back to the OZ.
It was fun, it was eye-opening, it was good for me...perhaps.
Hopefully...NO...2009 WILL be a good year.
Learning from an old friend..."I" will make 2009 happier for myself.
Despite the bad things that will still happen...I will make the effort to do happy things, things that make me happy.
Gonna actually take a piece of advice I give others all the time, and that is to "SMILE".
A smile will bring another smile to another person...even if they are smiling cos they think I am crazy.
Haha.

So here I am...last day of being in a place called "Home".
My room, my HDB flat, my family, my friends...Good Bye, Have a HAPPY 2009 and see you next time. (Overly dramatic but hey...that's who I am...love it or bugger off)

The Doctor says it best

2009-01-09T17:24:00.001+10:00

Quoted from Doctor Who 2008 Christmas Special (The Next Doctor)

"They leave because they should or because they find someone else. And some of them, some of them … forget me. I suppose in the end, they break my heart."

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part4] - Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-01T17:37:00.004+10:00

There was a post I didn't have the time to complate writing back then.
Here it is: http://nuttytentacle.blogspot.com/2008/10/days-end-melbourne-day-3-4.html

It is 2009!
Photos from the NYE Party can be found here:

New Year's Eve 2008 @ Pan Pac

It was a fun night all in all.
But it was also a night of reflection.
Having friends to chat with does help when you need to find some direction whilst lost.
It was bitter sweet...the whole night I mean.
Perhaps I needed to hear those words from someone I would listen to.
Maybe last night was exactly what I needed.
Who knows?

Didn't sleep a wink and got home only around 8.45am this morning.
Crashed totally...didn't wake up till around 3-4pm.
Irritating thing is this pain I have on my right ankle.
Weird...maybe I placed it in a terrible position while sitting on a crappy ottoman the whole night.
Oh well...hope it gets better soon.
Gonna be another long day tomorrow.
I should rest soon...but with thoughts trailing from last night...I wonder if I could actually get a good rest or not.

Anyways...Happy New Year Everyone!
Have a Blessed and Fruitful 2009.

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part3]

2008-12-31T16:25:00.003+10:00

So it is finally New Year's Eve.
The last day of 2008.

Year in review:
- Started a newer healthier lifestyle (even if it did start only in Oct)
- Lost 10kg (hopefully I won't gain it all back in SG)
- Got a raise
- Kept my job
- Got my Hepatitis Vaccination done finally
- Went to the doc to get a full body check
- Tried to be the best person I can be (but don't we do this everyday?)
- Went to church almost every Sunday (might have been 1 or 2 when I was too sick to move)
- Got pre-approved for a Home Loan
- Got my taxes in order FINALLY!
- Kept 1 fish alive

Can't remember what else I did this year.
Hmm....
Decided to go with a concrete list of things to get done in 2009 as opposed to this year. That might help with my direction and execution.

So what's in store for 2009:
- Lose another 30kg (to my target 90, actually....going back to double digit weight is gonna be YEAH!)
- Get the rest of my body fixed
- Change my look (Superficial aren't I?)
- Get healthier
- Get more active again
- Keep my job
- Buy a home
- Be more active in church?
- Be more spiritual
- Be more attuned/Pay more attention to God's messages for me
- Keep my taxes in order
- Keep fish alive
- Find and acknowledge some small little piece of happiness for myself

That's it really.
Nothing more to report this year except for Deb's party later.
Maybe I'll have someone to kiss on the stroke of midnight this year...nah...not going to happen.

Photos:

Mount Tambourine Road Trip

Christmas Party @ Deb's

Michelle's Wedding

$%^&()(&^%$$%^&*(

2008-12-27T17:03:00.002+10:00

O*&^RFGHI*&^RFVBHJKO(*&^%EDFGHJO(*&^

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part2]

2008-12-27T02:15:00.002+10:00

So comes an end to my second day in Singapore.
Didn't do much today at all.
Stayed at home because I wanted to have a home cooked meal...YUM!
Miss mom's cooking.

So tomorrow is going to be the end of another open-ended chapter in my personal memoirs...if I or anyone else ever write one.
Michelle is getting married in the morning.
What else can I say?
Another chapter of 'regret', of 'what ifs' and of teenage infatuation.
It was...I guess...never meant to be.
My timidness and fear of rejection...again...was my sole (maybe) enemy in this again.
But it is in the past.

Tomorrow closes that part of my life...and the next page flips open.
I wonder which chapters yearns or even begs to be put away next.

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part1]

2008-12-26T05:26:00.002+10:00

3am in the morning...my first after arriving back home.
I am EXTREMELY tired but yet not really wanting to sleep.
I feel out of place somehow.
Really like it's some place out of a surreal dream scape.
Is this still home? Or do I have 2 homes now?
It's very familiar and yet alien altogether.
Things have changed...people have moved on, grown, evolved (haha).
I am unsure of my place.
Where do I belong?
Home...the simple complex meaning of that word...that idea...that feeling...is completely different.
I might or might not find my answers by the end of my trip here.
At least it won't be boring...trust me...it won't be.

Final Night/Morning In Brissy for 2008

2008-12-24T23:57:00.002+10:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

So here I am...in my room...less than 12hrs before my flight back home to Singapore.
Finally finished packing my room just in case there is an unforeseen need.
Sleepy...tired...but somehow...unwilling to go to bed.

What is this I feel...this 'sian-ness'?
I want to go back...to spend time with my family and old friends, yet I don't want to leave this 'temporary' home and the friends I have here.
UGH...maybe it's the tiredness talking.
Gonna try and go to bed.

Love you all!

Day's End: Melbourne Day 3 & 4

2008-10-09T16:28:00.006+10:00

Finally got some time to write this. Amazing how much free time you have to blog on holidays but none of that when you return to 'real' life eh? :(

Final Day...*sob*:

Melbourne 2008 - Day 3

So what did I promise you?
Stupid cab drivers?
Coolest Cathedral?
Solid Lunch?
CHOC HEAVEN???
Haha.
Let's see...

*been REALLY slacking off but I've had other things on my mind...will update on those soon*

You know what.... just didn't find any time to write this at all.
Forgeddit!

Stupid cab driver = didn't wanna take me to the Cathedral cos it was too short a trip in relation to his wait at the hotel. FINE. Took a cab down the street and paid him 10 for a 6 on the meter. See...being nice works out for you.

The Cathedral was shiok siah. Really gothic and solemn. Go check out the photos.

Lunch was great with Gavin @ Lygon.
Italian.
Pasta + Pizza = FULL!
Then we went to Koko Black....Chocolate Decadence...absolutely insane.
Something that cannot be forgotten.

Had dinner with Victoria again in the evening at his place called Fire Ants? Or Red Ants? There is a photo in the collection above.
YUM.

So there ends the whole trip.
The next morning I woke up super early (lost 1 hour due to daylight savings), caught my flight back to Brissy and went straight to work.
Fun but totally exhausted by the end of it all.
Would I do it again...Hell YEAH!

More Palin Humour + Random Spelling

2008-10-06T11:18:00.002+10:00

A very close representative of the actual debate.
Hahahaha.

But not everything is political...there is also:

Day's End: Melbourne Day 2 + Singapore Day 2008

2008-10-04T23:10:00.005+10:00

Ok...photos first.

If you wanna see photos from Singapore Day only:

Singapore Day 2008 - Melbourne

Or just everything on Day 2:

Melbourne 2008 - Day 2

Was so tired last night that I didn't have the energy to write a summary of the day.
There are so many things to write about.
Singapore Day
Dinner alone
Walking the streets of Melbourne
WOW!!!

The photos don't really do justice to the whole day at all.
I got videos of the performers at Singapore Day but I'll get those uploaded somehow later.

So what happened?
Firstly...woke up from a terrible sleep but at least it was early enough to have an hour to 'reset' before having to leave for Singapore Day.
The streets were filled with the sound of Singlish...all the way from the city to the park where the event was held. It felt so surreal among all the Singaporeans.
Gavin was there 10 mins before me so I conveniently joined him in line, and just moments after that...the crowds came in.
The line doubled within 10 mins and tripled within 20. It was insane. Lucky us for joining the line just in the nick of time.

After another group of Gavin's friends joined us...we got past the registration booth, collected the goodie bags and headed straight for the food...WOOHOO!!!
But guess what...ALL the lines were already packed with people. We went straight for the Bak Kut Teh because for some odd reason...it was empty...and we were hungry...beggars can't be choosers.

The rest of the day was spent in the sun (which made me sunburnt...OUCH) watching the performances. The rest of Gavin's friends had more food but I didn't really get anything else to eat till around 3.30 when I couldn't take the hunger anymore and attempted to line up at the Nasi Lemak stall.
That was when I met Kenneth and Cherry...actually...they spotted me in the line.
We chatted for a bit and Kenneth suggested that I check out this Shanghai Dumplings place in Chinatown for dinner since I was flying solo for the night; Gavin had an OFFICIAL event to attend...hahahaha.
Not to bore with details of the whole event...some highlights of my favorite parts of the day were Phua Chu Kang's appearance, the PCK family , minus Chu Beng, in a skit about going back to SG (propaganda at work) and Dick Lee showing up at the end.
WOOHOO!!! Fried Rice Paradise!!! :P

Went back to the hotel for a short rest and finally dragged myself out at around 8.45 for dinner. Amazing that all the makan places were still open and at full steam so late into the night. Stupid Brisbane and its early closing hours. :(
I picked up a small bag of Roasted Chestnuts (why don't they have this in Brissy???) from a streetside vendor and went ahead towards Chinatown.

Found the Shanghai Dumplings place and TRUST ME...WOW...BEST...SOLID...SEDAP...I dunno what else to say.
I had the pork dumplings plus a bowl of noodles in spicy sauce...BEST!
Topped it off with a serve of Red Bean Pancakes...that one not nice. Had one piece and left the rest there...didn't even tabao.

Took a loooooooooong stroll around the city to walk off dinner.
Some of the 'adventures' were, stopping to take a good long look at Bourke Street Mall (you know I have never walked down the mall and still won't at the end of this trip), contemplated buying something from a place named "Lord of the Fries"...lucky I didn't, and finally getting an ice cold bottle of cider at the pub below the hotel.

Went to bed after setting the clocks an hour ahead (stupid daylight savings...make me lose 1 hr of my holiday) to get ready for another day of walking walking walking.
That's a story for later and it has already gotten interesting.
Spoilers:
Stupid cab drivers
Coolest Cathedral
Solid Lunch
and finally...CHOC HEAVEN!!!!

Day's End: Melbourne Day 1

2008-10-03T23:05:00.004+10:00

Wow...Day 1 in Melbourne is finally over and I am getting ready to rest my sore legs and finally (and hopefully) get some well rested sleep.
Got my photos all uploaded and here they are.

Melbourne 2008 - Day 1

So what happened after I went left the hotel just now?
Met up with Gavin and I had lunch @ Max Brenner's Choc Bar.
YUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Too bad for you guys who didn't come!!!! Suckers!!!!

Anyways...after lunch we went walking around the city (mostly indoors cos of the rain. my fault again I am sure).
Found thee book I was looking for @ Borders Melbourne...the book which drove me nuts cos I couldn't find it in Borders Brisbane.
This book alone made this trip worth it.

We took the free city loop tram to Telstra Dome after that to attend Contact Singapore's Careers@Singapore Fair.
It was alright...got some bits of info and contacts for when I decide it's time to go home for an extended period of time.

We then left early to meet Gavin's friend Victoria (Comon...meeting someone named Victoria in Melbourne, Victoria is so cool la).
She brought us to this out-of-the-way Sichuan Restaurant for dinner.
OMG!!!!
The food was so spicy that I am worried about stomach upsets, rings of fire, and who knows what other ailments that can befall a person who ate too much spicy food.
It was definitely an experience I won't forget.

So it was late after and I was too buggered to do anything else.
Took a slow stroll down Swanston Street...took photos...listened to a couple of Buskers who were amazing...bought some snacks for the hotel and came 'home'.
I am so sleepy now I could faint siah.
Actually...that's what I intend to do until tomorrow morning.
So here's a wonderful end to an adventurous, mortifying, unforgettable and exhausting day.
I sure hope tomorrow is just as great.

Travel Pitfalls and Confusion

2008-10-03T12:31:00.004+10:00

Well...I am in my hotel room in Melbourne finally.
Talk about having an 'interesting' time since waking up this morning.

Had to repack a little this morning cos of a small cologne canister in my carry-on.
Then suddenly...I had not enough money in my main bank account. Forgot to account for the Ebay purchases from the last few days. :(
Then I was the last to board the plane...with multiple calls and even a FINAL call.
HAHAHA.
The flight was ok...slept some of the way cos of the little sleep I had last night.
Took the SkyBus to the city and decided to walk to the hotel. Whether that was a wise decision is still out to the jury. It was so loooooong. I think I walked more than the length of Brisbane's CBD.
I think the depressing bit is this crummy little hotel room. I think my old Unilodge room was bigger. But hey...its only for sleeping in.

Gotta plan for lunch soon and attending Contact Singapore's Careers Fair later. Now what time was it?...Hmm...
What else can I do today? Photo taking...Makan...sigh.
I NEED A GUIDE.

Melbourne Anxiety

2008-10-02T12:30:00.005+10:00

Phew...so tomorrow I go to Melbourne on my first non-Singapore Holiday in the LONGEST time.
Excited.
Anxiety Attack.
Panic.
Unexplanable.
Undeniable.
Just is.

What am I going to do once I get there?
Walk around town and take photos? - I could do that.
Visit the nice cafes and restuarants and have my fill? - Definitely.

Too bad I don't have any travelling companions this time round.
:(

Sorry

2008-09-19T12:21:00.005+10:00

There are many things I am sorry about:

I am sorry for being too short.
I am sorry for being too fat.
I am sorry for being not athletic.
I am sorry for being not big enough.
I am sorry for being not a genius.
I am sorry for being not funny.
I am sorry for not knowing what to say.
I am sorry for being not wealthy.
I am sorry for being not successful.
I am sorry for being lost with current affairs.
I am sorry for being crazy for science fiction.
I am sorry for remembering useless facts.
I am sorry for being a Movie and TV trivia nut.
I am sorry that I can't drive.
I am sorry that I don't have a car.
I am sorry for putting off getting a license as well.
I am sorry for being peace loving.
I am sorry for sitting on the fence during trivial arguments.
I am sorry for caring too much.
I am sorry for being too intense.
I am sorry for being a worry-wart.
I am sorry for spending money on flowers.
I am sorry for not making gifts from scratch.
I am sorry for missing that one song you wanted.
I am sorry for holding you tight.
I am sorry for being a Chinese man.
I am sorry for not being Caucasian.
I am sorry for my immaturity.
I am sorry for my ideals.
I am sorry for my dreams.
I am sorry for daydreaming sometimes.
I am sorry for dreaming of a better world.
I am sorry for my weird sense of humour.
I am sorry for screaming at the TV.
I am sorry for crying when something touching in on.
I am sorry for being a man.
I am sorry for being born the way I am.
I am sorry that I didn't sing for you.
I am sorry for the poems I wrote in my mind.
I am sorry for thinking we have a future together.
I am sorry for hoping for anything at all.
I am sorry that I adore the way you laugh.
I am sorry that I miss your smile.
I am sorry to allow myself to fall in love.
I am sorry that I fell in love with you.
:
:
But one day...soon...maybe...I won't need to say sorry anymore.

Palin and Hillary Twosome

2008-09-15T14:35:00.000+10:00

OMG...HAHAHAHAHAHA

Need....Sleep....

2008-09-01T15:15:00.000+10:00

ARGH!
I need sleep.
Couldn't sleep last night.
It was warmer than usual.
Tossed and Turned.
Sleepy...

The End of Another Olympics

2008-08-25T16:31:00.003+10:00

Oh well...back to the mundane...that is normal life.
No more sports to watch when I go home. (Well...sports I actually want to watch)
No more beloved basketball matches which I have missed for >7 years.
Back to the usual TV programs that will devour your soul if you watch them week after week.
Oh well...let the soul rot begin!

Celebrating Singapore

2008-08-21T22:42:00.002+10:00

Ok...let's get the photos out of the way first shall we?

Singapore Club's National Day Ball 2008

Singapore National Day Ball 2008

So...
It has been a while since I wrote something.
Finally got some time (and patience) to sit at my computer, upload the photos and post it up here. It has been a very weird time these past few weeks.
Busy yet not insanely busy.
Tiring yet not overly overwhelming.
Sleepy...you get the idea.

And as usual...a long period of self-discovery. Rousing thoughts of regret and loneliness but yet not all that bad. Knowing the cause of a problem can lead to means of finding my own version of happiness...or at least...some form of peace.

All this somehow links up with being all patriotic about being Singaporean. I love being Singaporean. Happy to be Singaporean. The Olympics allowed me to present myself in that light. To support the Singapore table tennis team even if almost everyone else didn't give them credit or at least...have some faith that they might have had a chance to get Gold.

Lindsay brought up a good point. Most Singaporeans are very negative people. Focusing on the Bad first before even considering the Good. The lack of faith is horrible. Some might retort "It's not about faith...but about being practical". HA! Having faith in something means NOT being practical. IF more people had some faith...or perhaps a little more prayer somewhere along the line, our hopes and well wishes might have reached the Singapore Team.

Another interesting read just this week was PM Lee's National Day Rally Speech. Mainly about how young Singaporeans need to start pairing up and start families. About how the government attempt to help.
It was quite amusing.
More amusing was a blog entry I found from Tomorrow.sg that commented on that part of the PM's Address.
It can be found HERE.
Just read it...it's great.

Taking the day off tomorrow to take a proper break (esp since I was in the office last Wednesday on EKKA Holiday). Taxes and personal accounts need to be done as well. SIGH. Gonna try and really get my home buying going so I'll need to get all my paperwork and money in order. Growing Pains! HAHA

Having just watched "Princess Diaries 2" on DVD again...I finish this new entry with thoughts of Destiny and perhaps...even the possibility of True Love on my mind. Hopefully I'll have a great dream.

Gdnight! ;)

Insanely Photos

2008-07-20T22:31:00.002+10:00

Okaaay....Photo Time:
Click on the Photos to get to each collection.

Before I left for Singapore

Dinner @ Silver Charm

When I went back for Weixin & Wendy's Wedding

Singapore in May

Chetan's Birthday BBQ/Party

Chetan's Birthday

Birthday of Yours Truly

My 28th Birthday

Bday Pressie - Gundam LiuBei
THANK YOU DEBS BABE ;)

Gundam of the 3 Kingdoms

Unexpected Surprise

2008-07-16T10:42:00.001+10:00

An interesting read. More like unexpected. Enjoy and were you surprised as you got the the 10th listed place?

http://matadornights.com/where-to-find-the-hottest-girls-in-the-world-outside-the-us/

Birthday

2008-07-14T12:45:00.002+10:00

I am now 28 yrs and 1 day old...it feels the same.
It has been the same for the past few years. I want to be all celebratory and go "WOOHOO....PARTY!!!"...but it did not happen. Maybe I am older...less into the energetic celebrations and prefer a quieter, simpler celebration of the day I was inflicted upon this world. Haha.

It has felt...somewhat mundane to celebrate my own birthday for so long. Amidst my bestest friends taking the trouble of arranging a totally great dinner and on another night cooked for me (not to mention giving me a pair of fish which I hope won't die on me)...I feel un-needing of such things being done on my behalf.
Maybe I can even say that I don't really want to have celebrations of any kind.
Or maybe it's the depression talking. :P (of course I am not diagnosed with any kind of affliction but it just feels depressing)

I love my friends and family and (I hope...well...I know) they love me as well. But what I (suspect) have been lacking is similar to my reason for not going to WYD. There is no one to share these moments with. What I mean here is a deeper sense of sharing...a connection to another person...to be acknowleged as someone who can be loved.

Most people might not understand this feeling of "never being loved". It is usually not completely true...most of us got family and friends who love us. But in many ways...that kind of love is different. A person can be loved because he/she is family or he/she is the type of person you consider a friend. But somehow...it feels somewhat lacking in many areas. Just because there is still some aspect of you that is not accepted...not attractive enough...or just simply not enough to be loved.

Maybe it IS the age talking. Amidst the world around us...the violence, the wars, the petty arguements, the religions, the sexuality, the self-righteousness...I am perhaps very confused about everything as well. With so many friends finding happiness in their own way...I am confused as to why I haven't found a little corner of happiness for myself. Not the lack of trying...sort of.

Maybe the fish (Yin & Yang) given to me just might have the answers I seek.

Missing World Youth Day Again

2008-07-10T16:00:00.003+10:00

Sigh...For once...WYD is so near (physically), but I'll need to pass on it again.
So many reasons but the main bit is because I don't want to go alone. I got no one to go with, no one to ask to go along with. Only upon reflection did I realise I don't have many friends who are Catholic over here. In fact, none of my close inner circle are Catholic or practicing Catholics to be more precise.

WYD is supposed to be an event of self-realisation. An experience...perhaps...of a lifetime. If I go alone...this great experience can't be shared with anyone. It feels like I am making this choice cos of mundane reasons but it really sucks to go alone. Not to mention...VERY COLD.

What do you think (2 Cover Songs)

2008-07-03T21:02:00.003+10:00

Well...what do you think about these 2 songs?
Please do comment.

20 Good Reasons

powered by ODEO

So Close

powered by ODEO

Cough, Choke, Wheez (ver. lost-count)

2008-07-03T19:27:00.001+10:00

#&^%$^$#&%$@&@
AGAIN!
Coughing like a madman...and the meds are no longer working.
Is this body breaking?
Are these signs?
UGH.
I want to get better...completely.

The Passing of an Archie

2008-06-30T10:49:00.000+10:00

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/357129/1/.html

:(
Just :(

Positive Thinking VS Real Life

2008-06-29T23:22:00.002+10:00

As usual...it has been a while since I wrote.
Not for the lack of something to write about.
Things are happening all the time...just this past weekend, there was a housewarming, then a birthday party, club meeting and then a brief but productive recording session out in whoop-whoop (Make an educated guess).

But as I am sitting here at my desk, with an episode of "No Reservations" playing in the background, all I can think of is what a fellow ex-co member mentioned to me after the meeting just now; words of hope, of "the best case scenario", of positive thinking.
HA! I so want to believe in those words. Many others have fortified the sentiment with similar words in the past but it comes back to experience...my own experience in life...Real Life.

Things aren't a bed of roses. And what you ask/hope/pray for doesn't always happen. People always do what you expect of them...but only when it pertains to the bad things. Of course there are cases to the exception...not often though.
So should I look forward to those rare cases when cynicism fails and the 'good' prevail? I wonder indeed.

On a side note: still trying to decide whether to go for World Youth Day or not. ARGH!

Crouching Tiger

2008-06-17T09:12:00.002+10:00

Can't believe I actually woke up to watch the PGA US Open Finals Playoff.
O_O
Sleepy now.
Tiger Woods won! YAY!
Unspectacular though.
Not one of those moments where you would've gone "WOW!!!!"
The other guy (Rocco Mediate) choked on the final hole...but they DID play to a draw to the 18th and then to sudden death.
Heh.
Sports.

Article to Share

2008-06-16T09:52:00.001+10:00

Ok ok...I know I havent been writing. MAJOR case of laziness...but I love to share stuff so enjoy this read.

Getting by in Singapore - Economist.com

Dangers of Mobile Phones

2008-06-03T21:34:00.001+10:00

Just HAD to share this.

Always Around the Corner Waiting

2008-05-31T21:28:00.000+10:00

UGH!!!!
Always around the corner waiting for me...is a bug waiting to make me sick.
Go to Singapore...sick.
Come back to Brissy...sick.
SICK SICK SICK!!!
F!#R#@%^@$#%#!%%#$^#@%#$

A Few More Hours

2008-05-29T02:10:00.002+10:00

Sigh...I dislike this kinda countdowns..."Hrs Left in XX"
:P
So I will be gone in less than 10 hrs.
I will miss you my love...my darling.
My body leaves but my heart has always been here with you.
Miss Me!

Miss Me Dearly

2008-05-28T02:08:00.002+10:00

Sigh....one more day left in SG before rushing back to Brissy.
To this country and the people I care for:

"Miss me...for I shall Miss you Dearly"

All the things I will leave behind again.
All the joys and struggles I cannot share with you all.
I regret not being there...not about to be there.
Keep me close to your heart and I shall keep you close to mine as well.
*Muak*
And Farewell!

Hell In The Tropics

2008-05-25T02:18:00.002+10:00

The HEAT!!!!
I can't stand the HEAT!!!!
I am sweating bucket loads everyday...sigh!!!
Maybe I'll be lighter when I go back cos it'll be like being in a sauna for 6 days here. (Nah...unlikely)
Help meeeeeeee....

Tonight I Leave You Baby

2008-05-22T14:49:00.002+10:00

Brissy Baby!!!
I am leaving tonight.
I feel so insecure...so hesistant.
Will you forgive me for leaving?
I'll be back soon....real soon.
Don't forget me.
Love me like you always have...

The Visit of the Chua [Part 1]

2008-05-19T10:52:00.005+10:00

I am sneezing like a madman suffering from fits.
Probably thanks to a certain 'visitor' leaving the bug behind before going back to his nest....HAHAHA...THANKS CHUA :P

So Chua paid a visit to Brissy from Perth starting 2 weeks ago. Just a bit after Debbs and Ames came by as well. Nicely timed to Labour Day here in QLD...but only got here at the morning after so there wasn't really much time to go out and enjoy ourselves. (The rest of us gotta work as well)

After dropping off his bags, we had breakfast at Maccas before I rushed off to work...very late. It was fun...something I usually neglect to do cos I am rushing to work anyways. After that...the rest of the week was mostly having dinner with other friends who wanna catch up with him. Nothing really special - Chua WAS here to relax and take a break so it was all good. But all this 'slacking' was only leading up to the main event...so to speak...of this trip. The overnight camp out in the wilderness.

The plan was to go to Moreton Island and camp overnight there but after some deliberation, planning, and organising (mostly by Chua), we were heading to the Benarkin State Forest where there was a camping ground and camp fires were allowed. (Photos in earlier post) It was super good fun. The drive up to the site was sorta normal except the constant pitstops we took.

First...we took the wrong road and ended up in Redcliffe...not that bad cos we ended up having a nice lunch there. Mervyn and Chua had the seafood pack and I had one of the best fish burgers in my life. (DOWN WITH FILLET-O-FISH)
Next we stopped at Caboolture for the final supply pitstop where we picked up more potable water, chocolates and a bottle of wine. (Hahaha...camping with wine...classic!)

The rest of the drive was the best road trip since...who knows when. Our road directory stopped at Caboolture and we winged the rest of the journey. Using only road signs to guide us. (We DID ask one person for directions back onto the highway at Kilcoy) 3 guys on the road...noisy and practically burning each other senseless (I was anyways...mwahahaha)...and the best part was just to come.

We finally reached the edge of the forest and have to go off the sealed roads and onto 4WD territory. Man!...the vehicle we rented (albeit 4WD) was NOT meant for going off road. We bumped and shook all over the place even though we drove at a dizzying 20-40kph. A full 14km off dirt road before we reached the first campsite. The view was great of course...but still...ouch, cough, wheez. Anyways, the first campsite was deserted...no one was there but we decided to drive to the next one (there were only 2) since we couldn't find the firewood there and the place seemed very exposed. Another 10 mins on the road, we got the the 2nd campsite.
NICE!!! The place was huge...the designated campfire sites were nicely spaced apart, there was firewood right there and we werent totally alone. There was another couple camping there but we decided to find our own corner and set up camp.

(to be continued...)

I Should Write

2008-05-18T23:17:00.001+10:00

I should really be writing about Chua's visit to Brisbane.
2 week's worth of updates....DAAAAAMN.
Soon soon...maybe sometime tomorrow.
When I take a break @ work.

Firstly...the Peektures

2008-05-13T19:24:00.003+10:00

Let's have the pictures first shall we?
Will write about the camping trip soon.

First...Buddha's Birthday Festival in Southbank 2 weeks back:

Buddha's Birthday 2008 - Southbank

And of course...the Camping Trip to Benarkin State Forest:

Camping Trip - Benarkin State Forest

Return From Blackbutt

2008-05-11T13:43:00.001+10:00

(more like Benarkin State Forest)
Sleepy...tired...just wanna go to bed.
We are back in Brissy...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN
Photos and update to follow...but...not...now...zzzzzz

A Camping We Will Go

2008-05-09T13:39:00.002+10:00

Hmm....tomorrow we'll be going camping.
Some place called "Black Butt"?
Hahaha...don't ask. I dunno anything.
Chua planned it all...I still think something will come up short but hey...let's try to put a positive outlook on it.
Heh.
Time to feed the wildlife.

KEN LEE!!!!! A Classic

2008-04-26T21:38:00.002+10:00

LOL...This is Legend

Can't stop laughing!!!

The Head Aches

2008-04-21T12:22:00.002+10:00

UGH!!!
The back of my head hurts...it hurts whenever I swallow and it even randomly stings.
WTF
Almost didnt come into work today but fortunately I did.
Lotsa stuff arrived today.
Now got another headache...how to transport all of it home?
Hmm.....

Even Mo Photos

2008-04-16T20:44:00.002+10:00

More photos from the SG Club High Tea

SG Club of QLD High Tea

The Kopi Shop Boys

After that we went to Justin's new pad and chilled before heading to The Manor for supper. This is what I found.

You're Fired!!!

Enjoy!

Mo Photos

2008-04-16T20:04:00.003+10:00

Ok...some photos over the past week or so.

Photo taken at Nadia's for Easter

Mt Coot-tha with Ames, Debs and Mervyn

Enjoy!

Too Full

2008-04-16T15:06:00.001+10:00

Now I feel too full...
Hahaha

I Feel Sick

2008-04-15T14:44:00.000+10:00

I Feel Sick

WOOHOO!!!

2008-04-14T14:37:00.001+10:00

Ok...first thing to say...I fixed the "comments" link so please do start commenting again...hahaha.

Next thing...I GOT MY RAISE!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!!
:P

High Tea Madness

2008-04-12T23:38:00.003+10:00

Zzzzzzzzz....
I am so sleepy. Just concentrating to write is almost beyond my reach. Heh.
Had the Singapore Club High Tea today.
It was soooo busy.
Madiq, Chetan and myself were mending the drinks stall and it was almost chaotic. So many people...so many drinks...so many orders...ARGH!!!
I now know how the kopi shop uncles feel man.
Dunno how they tehan! :S
Gonna go to bed very soon.

Debs and Ames left yesterday.
Brisbane is quiet again...hahahaha....joking!
But I miss them lots. It was reminisce of the times back when we were all still students. The rush...the madness...the noise.
Hahaha.
But that's in the past...we have all 'grown up' and moved forward with our lives (well...some of us). Having short breaks from the daily toil and having fun like we used to was great. I loved the time spent.
It was the best time I had this whole year.
Not discounting the rest but for now...the past week tops all...one reason or another.
Can't wait for the next 'break'.

Reality Checkmate

2008-04-10T10:12:00.003+10:00

So I am home today.
Took the day off because I wanted a break from work and well...I am cooking for 12 people tonight so I gotta spend some time preparing and buying the groceries as well.
Feeling somewhat numb all over again.

A Reality Check is what I got a few days back.
The story is as such:
Debbie and Amy are in town and have been since last Friday.
So since that day...I have accompanied them on certain parts of their holiday.
Went to the Casino for brunch/lunch with them and AC&UM, to the gold coast for dinner as well as a Glow Worm Tour with Debs on Monday night. Tuesday night dinner with them and Nadia at the Purple Olive. Wednesday dinner at Singapura, Mt Coot-that and 3 Monkeys. And tonight...I'll be cooking for the bunch of them.

It has been fun. Really fun. Tiring as it may be.
This few days has been the highlight of my year.
But something has been biting into my chest since last week. It has been great to spend time...REAL time...with her again. But there was this invisible wall between us. Sigh!

The guys have been telling me to move on...to give up that little emotion that I still hold onto. All logic tells me to as well. She is not into me. She has someone else back home...someone who probably gives her the happiness that I want to give her. But...but...ARGH...I can't. I tried to suppress and forget. I tried indulging in other things and focus myself on other things.
I tried.
I tried and failed.
I don't want to lie to myself.
I still love her.
But there is nothing I can do about it.
It takes 2 hands to clap and all that jazz...etc

I want to reject this present reality and substitute my own.
How can I do that?
I want that manual to life's problems so I know what I can do right now.
It is truly impossible to get someone to love you back?
Are all pairings pre-destined in the stars...in our stars?
I want to win this game of chess with fate.
And hold her in my arms and protect her best that I can.
To bring that smile to her face everyday.
The smile I remember so clearly in my mind.
I want to make this Reality Checkmate.

Cycle

2008-04-08T02:29:00.002+10:00

The cycle doesn't end
It never ends
To then Fro
Up then Down
Left then Right
Gone then Back again
It just never ends
The same pains
Same old hurt
Nothing ever changes
The cuts don't bring fresh pain
Just the same old wounds over and over again
This cycle hasn't ended
It feels like it has been so long
It HAS been so long
I am helpless
Perhaps I deserve this
A never-ending cycle of hurt, retribution, solitude
Tomorrow I live the day I had Yesterday
Never knowing a new dawn
A dawn I just can't see
No matter what I do
Everything is a waste
All fruitless
Experience has taught me to halt
Seeking peace is all in vain
Maybe it's time to end
Finally time to carve memories into stone
And join the dark of night
To rejoin the cycle
The cycle of pain

Norwegian Recycling

2008-04-04T22:49:00.002+10:00

My sis introduced me to this set of Youtube vids.
Mixing songs/melodies with identical beats into a medley...its so cool.
ESPECIALLY THIS ONE....FINAL FANTASY FANS UNITE!

The Colour That Is You

2008-04-04T22:41:00.002+10:00

Was gonna write about my mood at the moment but the profile below really does put it very clearly.
-------------------------------------------
Your ColorGenics profile has been generated below...

Name: Bernard
Date: 4/4/2008
Colorgenics Number: 41352706

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want. The good times are just around the corner.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

The Familiar Mitsubishi Challenge

2008-04-02T10:30:00.002+10:00

The article with the contestants' photos can be found here:
http://www.asiaone.com/Motoring/Motorworld/Story/A1Story20080401-57442.html

Why the focus on this article?
Well...at first...I only thought I knew TK from Cowboybar was on the show...but after looking at the contestants in detail...I went OMG!!!!!

I know 2 more people in the show!!!
Su-anne was my classmate from CJC!!!
And I am almost sure I know Leonard from CJC as well...ARGH!!!!

I just couldn't take my eyes off the screen for a good 5 mins, to make sure they were the people I knew.
We lost contact over the years, like so many others, but DAAAAAAMN....haha
To find them again on TV?
That's just too unreal.

The Lonely Starlit Sky

2008-03-30T23:27:00.002+10:00

Mystified...the city night sky brightened by stars usually hidden amidst the glow of the neon lights and the bright burning glare of the city scape.
I stared in awe just as I was onlooking the state of Brisbane city on the night of Earth Hour.
I wanted to shout out to the people to look up at the sky...this beautiful starscape almost never seen by people living in the city. I craved to share the heavens with someone I loved, someone I can hold in my arms right at that moment.
Maybe one day...that scene might play out.
But while I wait...I stood alone...gazing into the heavens...wishing upon those stars.

Cold Lamentations

2008-03-28T14:08:00.001+10:00

*sneeze*
*wheez*
UGH

Photos Photos Photos

2008-03-19T21:22:00.002+10:00

Ok...Finally done.
Spent the better part of the night doing this cos the Internet kept dropping out.
#!$#^@!^@^
Anyways...

Mervyn's Housewarming

Nadia's Birthday

Dinner @ Singapura

World's Greatest Shave 2008

Saint Patrick's Day @ UM&AC's

And of course...after all that...the final photo is of me...Me...ME!!!

Photos Coming Soon

2008-03-17T12:59:00.002+10:00

Been to lazy from the weekend to upload photos yet.
All in my desktop already.
Tonight lor...yaaaaawn
Hungry...I need food.

The Next Exit

Year end review 2011

Come What May

Your Song

需要人陪 (Xu Yao Ren Pei) - Wang Lee Hom

柴米油盐酱醋茶(Chai Mi You Yan Jiang Cu Cha) - Wang Lee Hom

Can't Stop

You're Beautiful MV - Without Words (Park Shin Hye & Jang Geun Suk)

The weather is perfect today...

I can only sing the songs...

夠愛

Peaceful Solitude vs Noisy Companionship

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: 1 Week Later

The one with the things you don't want on your mind

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 2

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 1

Another Year, Another Rainy Season, Another Hopeful Break

My Thoughts . . .

Recurring Themes

Lyrics - Grow Old With You

National Day 2010

Hugs :)

Dreams...

A Letter to my 16 year old self (Inspired by Ames)

Blogging @ MacArthurs

A Change of Perspective

Damage?

Twitterific

Another Year...Another...

Two Oh Oh Nine (2009) In Review

Quiet Corner Invasion

Fields of Gold - Sting

JB Hifi Madness

Of All Things...

Familiar Settings

Me, Harry and the Half Blood Prince

Teaching Matters

Mobile Blogging

我的心怀

Nostalgia

New-ness

Samsara

The One With The Wondering

The One With The Uncertain Future

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part5] - Signing off from the SG

The Doctor says it best

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part4] - Happy New Year!!!

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part3]

$%^&*()(*&^%$$%^&*(

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part2]

Memoirs of a Displaced Singaporean [Part1]

Final Night/Morning In Brissy for 2008

Day's End: Melbourne Day 3 & 4

More Palin Humour + Random Spelling

Day's End: Melbourne Day 2 + Singapore Day 2008

Day's End: Melbourne Day 1

Travel Pitfalls and Confusion

Melbourne Anxiety

Sorry

Palin and Hillary Twosome

Need....Sleep....

The End of Another Olympics

Celebrating Singapore

Insanely Photos

Unexpected Surprise

Birthday

Missing World Youth Day Again

What do you think (2 Cover Songs)

Cough, Choke, Wheez (ver. lost-count)

The Passing of an Archie

Positive Thinking VS Real Life

Crouching Tiger

Article to Share

Dangers of Mobile Phones

Always Around the Corner Waiting

A Few More Hours

Miss Me Dearly

Hell In The Tropics

Tonight I Leave You Baby

The Visit of the Chua [Part 1]

$%^&()(&^%$$%^&*(